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Will my bf be offended if i finger myself during sex?

Sex is pretty **** with me and boyfriend and he knows it. I don't mind because I love his personality and we get on great. I think hes very insecure because he finishes quickly and is really slow and always makes comments like "sorry im no fun" or "sorry that was a bit dead for you" afterwards. I've tried to do things to make the actual sex better but they dont seem to work. However, to make it better for me, If i were to rub myself while we're having sex, would he be offended? I dont want him to feel uncomfortable or make him anymore insecure than he is

Reply 1

unprinted

If he is - and from the comments, I would hope that it's unlikely - I would be looking to get a new boyfriend.

You know he can do something about coming sooner than you both want? Have a read of Bernie Zilbergeld's books, 'Men & Sex' or 'The New Male Sexuality' - the latter is the second edition of the first, originally titled 'Male Sexuality', but there's no much difference. At least one person is usually offering one of them for 1p+postage on Amazon (it's M&S at the moment, I see...) It has a very good programme of exercises, alone and with a partner, for getting control over this.

And are you doing other stuff in bed that you do enjoy?

Reply 2

unprinted

Without communication, this isn't a good sexual relationship.

He's already aware that things could be better and offering a way - that involves both of you working together - to tackle what he knows is a problem shouldn't be an issue.

As for the 'it's all right, I guess', it will remain so unless, again, there's some communication. That doesn't need to be 'that was crap, do it better', but 'it was good when you..' or 'try that softer / harder / faster / slower' etc.

Reply 3

bethwalker85

You need to talk, it won't get better if you don't talk about it.

It might turn him on.

Reply 4

~Tara~

There are things you can do to help prolong his arousal. It takes time but if you have the patience, over a number of weeks you can see a really big difference in how long they can last before finishing.

I'm aware that kids read this forum so I'm not going to graphically describe what you can do. But you can definitely do more than grumble about poop sex and finish yourself off.

I have one rule of thumb: if I can't talk about sex with the guy I want to have sex with (not dirty talk, proper talk), then I don't have sex with him. If you or him aren't mature enough to talk about sex and any difficulties you might be having, then you shouldn't really be having sex. Besides the fact that if you look at solutions together, it brings you closer together as a couple

Reply 5

abbymonty

There's a strong chance he'll really like it but it's definitely worth asking first cause it's pretty unsexy to feel rubbish about sex.

You could also ask for more foreplay to get you off or ask him to finger you during sex? Might be worth trying a cockring cause apparently they help him last and you can get vibrating ones to heighten pleasure too

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