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I don't enjoy casual hook ups, but I want too... watch

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    I'm a girl and I've been casually sexually hooking up with guys...

    Before, I did this I thought it was be amazing because everyone always said how amazing it was and what not. But, now that I've actually done it a couple of times... I don't think it's all that.

    I want to do it again but that's because my past experiences haven't been that good.

    Is this a normal feeling? Just FYI: I'm 20. A virgin, so it's basically just foreplay with the guys and stuff. I'm completely sober whilst doing it and so are they. I don't know if being sober makes a difference? I want to be sober because I don't want the guy to take advantage, and I don't drink anyway... The guys are just complete random people, again don't know if that makes a difference either...

    Is there a way to make this more enjoyable perhaps? Or is everyone else just hyping it up?
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    Everybody else is likely having sex? Either full on intercourse or oral. You just doing foreplay with random people won't be enjoyable as you have no emotional connection or physical desire for them. It seems rather pointless what you are doing. Why are you doing this? To fit in and do with other says is good? By your own people, it isn't enjoyable for you then stop doing it. Also well done on not drinking and maintaining your virginity, it makes a difference, in a good way. PM me, you seem in control of yourself. I like that.
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    Stay a virgin until marriage OP, dont let peer pressure fool you
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    What is it that you want to get out of it?

    Doing sexual stuff with some completely random stranger is likely to be... random in its results. If there's no connection and they're rubbish, having no clue as to what you want, how, and too clueless to ask, then it's unlikely to be good.

    So if you want to do it again, finding someone you can communicate with is going to help increase the chances of it being better. Similarly, at least being open to the possibility to seeing each other again is going to add an incentive to be more than 'what can I get out of this' selfish.

    Well done for sticking to your boundaries.
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    If you don't enjoy casual sex then you don't need to do it.
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    Get a bf, have the fun of sex + a relationship
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a girl and I've been casually sexually hooking up with guys...

    Before, I did this I thought it was be amazing because everyone always said how amazing it was and what not. But, now that I've actually done it a couple of times... I don't think it's all that.

    I want to do it again but that's because my past experiences haven't been that good.

    Is this a normal feeling? Just FYI: I'm 20. A virgin, so it's basically just foreplay with the guys and stuff. I'm completely sober whilst doing it and so are they. I don't know if being sober makes a difference? I want to be sober because I don't want the guy to take advantage, and I don't drink anyway... The guys are just complete random people, again don't know if that makes a difference either...

    Is there a way to make this more enjoyable perhaps? Or is everyone else just hyping it up?
    You do realise that a lot of guys will see your behaviour as just very poor attempts to string them along? You're the one taking advantage of them. When you engage in foreplay, the implication is that you're gonna have sex, so when you stop randomly in the middle of foreplay how do you think that makes a guy feel? Being sober makes no difference at all - you don't need alcohol in your body in order to enjoy sex. I think you're just being a p**** and too scared to take the plunge with a guy even though you have the desire to. How can you say you don't like "casually sexually hooking up" when you've never actually had sex? You just sound ridiculous.
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    Guys if you want to discuss things about Jon Snow, please do it in the appropriate section of TSR, keep it on topic, thanks.
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    A series of random casual hookups without sex, as you sense that everyone else is having all the fun and you're missing out = bit weird? :dontknow:
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    Stay a virgin until marriage OP, dont let peer pressure fool you
    Username is relevant
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    (Original post by asif007)
    You do realise that a lot of guys will see your behaviour as just very poor attempts to string them along? You're the one taking advantage of them. When you engage in foreplay, the implication is that you're gonna have sex,
    Erm, no it's not.

    If you snog someone, there's no implication that you're going to have intercourse.

    If you give or receive a handjob, there's no implication that you're going to have intercourse.

    If you give or receive a blowjob, there's no implication that you're going to have intercourse.

    In all those cases, you might or might not - it's up to both of you.

    You just sound ridiculous.
    You sound like one of those 'well, she kissed me, so obviously I could **** her' rapists.
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    If having a sexual relationship is new to you it will take a while for you to figure out what you're into so that may be something to take into consideration!

    I've done the whole casual hook ups thing and it can be a lot of fun and it can be pretty poor. It all depends on the person you're doing it with. The best ones are when you have a thing for someone and then you hook up. It also helps if they're a genuinely nice person! I've never got with a completely random person but I've had random hook ups with friends and then people who I've talked to and flirted with a few times.

    If you only wanna do foreplay, do that. You're not leading anyone on as someone previously tried to claim. And if anyone you hook up with attempts to say that then I recommend leaving and not speaking to that person again!!!


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    (Original post by unprinted)


    You sound like one of those 'well, she kissed me, so obviously I could **** her' rapists.
    You sound like a pushover who would let a girl walk all over you and string you along. If a girl is giving me a BJ, of course I'm gonna expect her to **** me afterwards, as any logical man would do. What kind of girl would give a guy a BJ and then decide she doesn't want to have sex? That's just her being a hormonal manipulative ***** and making up excuses not to take the plunge. Having foreplay without sex is stupid, and any guy with a bit of self-respect would cut a ***** loose if she wants to string him along with foreplay.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a girl and I've been casually sexually hooking up with guys...

    Before, I did this I thought it was be amazing because everyone always said how amazing it was and what not. But, now that I've actually done it a couple of times... I don't think it's all that.

    I want to do it again but that's because my past experiences haven't been that good.

    Is this a normal feeling? Just FYI: I'm 20. A virgin, so it's basically just foreplay with the guys and stuff. I'm completely sober whilst doing it and so are they. I don't know if being sober makes a difference? I want to be sober because I don't want the guy to take advantage, and I don't drink anyway... The guys are just complete random people, again don't know if that makes a difference either...

    Is there a way to make this more enjoyable perhaps? Or is everyone else just hyping it up?
    Hmmm...... I dunno.... perhaps have sex?
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    (Original post by asif007)
    You sound like a pushover who would let a girl walk all over you and string you along.
    If someone's giving me oral sex, I go 'Hooray, someone's giving me oral sex' and enjoy what's happening, not yawn and go 'I expect the ****ing to start, now'.

    If a girl is giving me a BJ, of course I'm gonna expect her to **** me afterwards, as any logical man would do. What kind of girl would give a guy a BJ and then decide she doesn't want to have sex?
    Only rapists would think that.

    Given the misogyny, you probably don't do it, but if you go down on a woman should she expect to be able to **** you with a strap-on? If not, why not? You went down on her so of course - by your rules - she should be able to **** you afterwards!
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    (Original post by asif007)
    You sound like a pushover who would let a girl walk all over you and string you along. If a girl is giving me a BJ, of course I'm gonna expect her to **** me afterwards, as any logical man would do. What kind of girl would give a guy a BJ and then decide she doesn't want to have sex? That's just her being a hormonal manipulative ***** and making up excuses not to take the plunge. Having foreplay without sex is stupid, and any guy with a bit of self-respect would cut a ***** loose if she wants to string him along with foreplay.
    God, it's attitudes like this that makes men think it's ok to rape women. If this girl is not ready for sex no means no and if the boy she is getting intimate with doesn't like that then she's better off without him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a girl and I've been casually sexually hooking up with guys...

    Before, I did this I thought it was be amazing because everyone always said how amazing it was and what not. But, now that I've actually done it a couple of times... I don't think it's all that.

    I want to do it again but that's because my past experiences haven't been that good.

    Is this a normal feeling? Just FYI: I'm 20. A virgin, so it's basically just foreplay with the guys and stuff. I'm completely sober whilst doing it and so are they. I don't know if being sober makes a difference? I want to be sober because I don't want the guy to take advantage, and I don't drink anyway... The guys are just complete random people, again don't know if that makes a difference either...

    Is there a way to make this more enjoyable perhaps? Or is everyone else just hyping it up?
    Dangerous game your playing there , as great as sex is , some men will do anything to get it , and I'm sure your smart enough to know but make sure your really careful and know the person before doing anything , sorry to be a kill joy but just trying to help 😊
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    (Original post by Clockrice)
    Everybody else is likely having sex? Either full on intercourse or oral. You just doing foreplay with random people won't be enjoyable as you have no emotional connection or physical desire for them. It seems rather pointless what you are doing. Why are you doing this? To fit in and do with other says is good? By your own people, it isn't enjoyable for you then stop doing it. Also well done on not drinking and maintaining your virginity, it makes a difference, in a good way. PM me, you seem in control of yourself. I like that.
    But when people have sex with random people, then they have no emotional connection of physical desire for them - isn't that the same as what I'm doing? Apart from I'm just not having sex?

    I'm not doing it to fit in, no one even knows about it. I just want to enjoy it I guess...

    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    Stay a virgin until marriage OP, dont let peer pressure fool you
    I'm not giving into peer pressure, it's not like I brag to my friends about this... As no one even knows about this.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    What is it that you want to get out of it?

    Doing sexual stuff with some completely random stranger is likely to be... random in its results. If there's no connection and they're rubbish, having no clue as to what you want, how, and too clueless to ask, then it's unlikely to be good.

    So if you want to do it again, finding someone you can communicate with is going to help increase the chances of it being better. Similarly, at least being open to the possibility to seeing each other again is going to add an incentive to be more than 'what can I get out of this' selfish.

    Well done for sticking to your boundaries.
    So, why is it from people have sex with random people e.g in a club or something - they enjoy it? I don't see where I'm going wrong, it seems everyone else is having is fun yet I'm not...?

    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    If you don't enjoy casual sex then you don't need to do it.
    I think that's the problem, I want to do it... But I want to enjoy it...
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    (Original post by asif007)
    You do realise that a lot of guys will see your behaviour as just very poor attempts to string them along? You're the one taking advantage of them. When you engage in foreplay, the implication is that you're gonna have sex, so when you stop randomly in the middle of foreplay how do you think that makes a guy feel? Being sober makes no difference at all - you don't need alcohol in your body in order to enjoy sex. I think you're just being a p**** and too scared to take the plunge with a guy even though you have the desire to. How can you say you don't like "casually sexually hooking up" when you've never actually had sex? You just sound ridiculous.
    I'm not stringing them along... I tell them beforehand that I don't want to have sex, I don't say it halfway through. I say it beforehand so that we're both on the same wavelength...

    I don't want my first time to be a random person, but in the meantime... I just want to have a bit of fun... Is that so bad?

    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    A series of random casual hookups without sex, as you sense that everyone else is having all the fun and you're missing out = bit weird? :dontknow:
    What's weird?

    (Original post by Tom78)
    Hmmm...... I dunno.... perhaps have sex?
    The problem there is, I want my first time to be someone I like ect...

    (Original post by scott999)
    Dangerous game your playing there , as great as sex is , some men will do anything to get it , and I'm sure your smart enough to know but make sure your really careful and know the person before doing anything , sorry to be a kill joy but just trying to help 😊
    You're right... I don't really know the person beforehand, but I thought that was the point of it?
 
 
 
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