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    My boyfriend and I havent had sex in months for reasons outside of our control i.e. not being able to spend as much time together, I'm working more, he has been abroad etc

    This has caused us to become distant and meant we argue a lot

    This is going to sound strange but we both want to be physically close with each other but he says he doesn't want us to be physically close anymore
    He's saying that because we're distant
    and we're distance because we're not being physically close.

    I dont know what to do- our relationship is falling apart

    Please someone tell me how to fix this
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    Distant*
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    Just talk to each other and see if you can agree a plan that will work until he joins you again? Accept the fact you are an ldr and adapt.

    Dont argue as thats just destructive.
    Be honest and if he doesnt want to work with you then you have an issue as he cant be bothered.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend and I havent had sex in months for reasons outside of our control i.e. not being able to spend as much time together, I'm working more, he has been abroad etc

    This has caused us to become distant and meant we argue a lot

    This is going to sound strange but we both want to be physically close with each other but he says he doesn't want us to be physically close anymore
    He's saying that because we're distant
    and we're distance because we're not being physically close.

    I dont know what to do- our relationship is falling apart

    Please someone tell me how to fix this
    Both of you don't sound like you are even emotionally close. You both need to spend time together take some leave from work and go away somewhere if that don't work break up.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Just talk to each other and see if you can agree a plan that will work until he joins you again? Accept the fact you are an ldr and adapt.

    Dont argue as thats just destructive.
    Be honest and if he doesnt want to work with you then you have an issue as he cant be bothered.

    I really dont want us to break up.

    Arguing has really degraded our relationship so its already hanging by a thread
    Neither of us want to break up though

    he's has lost his job too so I'm biting my tongue and avoiding any kind of argument
    But its taking its toll on me because i feel like I'm getting nothing back

    He has said that he misses me and misses being close but he's so stubborn
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    (Original post by chikane)
    Both of you don't sound like you are even emotionally close. You both need to spend time together take some leave from work and go away somewhere if that don't work break up.

    You're right- I dont think we are
    I feel like he's taking a lot of his stress out on me too

    We can't go away, although I really want to, as Ive just started a new job and he's just lost his job

    I feel so stuck
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    One of my observations and experience is the mistake people make for LDR is failing to recognise its limitations or unique challenges. You nat be normal becayse its no a normal situation. It becomes easuer when you accept that.

    If you dont wnat to break up then talk to him recognise where you are and what you can both do.

    If he's lost his job then he will be stressed, so you have to take a back seat imo and just be supportive. I really cant get a better idea of where you are. If you are both on board then you can make it work.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    One of my observations and experience is the mistake people make for LDR is failing to recognise its limitations or unique challenges. You nat be normal becayse its no a normal situation. It becomes easuer when you accept that.

    If you dont wnat to break up then talk to him recognise where you are and what you can both do.

    If he's lost his job then he will be stressed, so you have to take a back seat imo and just be supportive. I really cant get a better idea of where you are. If you are both on board then you can make it work.
    Thank you so much for your help.. xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right- I dont think we are
    I feel like he's taking a lot of his stress out on me too

    We can't go away, although I really want to, as Ive just started a new job and he's just lost his job

    I feel so stuck
    So are you both living under the same roof now that he lost his job?
    If yes then i do not see why you can't spend time together over the weekend? You don't need to go on holiday, go for a walk, picnic or shopping instead.
    He is out of order taking his anger out on you if he doesn't change his behaviour do you really want to live with that type of man for the rest of your life? Also if you had that emotional closeness you would understand one another more.
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    Sorry I cnat be more help. If I knew you and him or the situation then id have a much clearer idea as to what the challenge was and how to sort it. You might want to stay together, but do take into account hes stressed and not himself at the moment, especially until he finds a new job. he might retreat in on himself or he might work with you. No idea what hes like.

    Arguments and being needy at this stage arent going to do you any favours.

    Ill have a think. I made a mistake and thought he was still abroad i.e a ldr, not the fact you were back together. Your OP is quite confusing tbh.

    If he doesnt wnat sex or he doesnt wnat that sort of intimacy then how about cuddling and being tactile. he needs to deal with this losing his job thing and he probably feels a bit emsaculated because of it. He's either going to share or not. If you introduce pressure or stress, then realise it could have consequences in a brittle situation. Dont pish or nag without realising the risk.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    So are you both living under the same roof now that he lost his job?
    If yes then i do not see why you can't spend time together over the weekend? You don't need to go on holiday, go for a walk, picnic or shopping instead.
    He is out of order taking his anger out on you if he doesn't change his behaviour do you really want to live with that type of man for the rest of your life? Also if you had that emotional closeness you would understand one another more.
    We dont live together- I'm still living with my parents as Im saving to move out

    We did have but we've lost it i guess..
    xx
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Sorry I cnat be more help. If I knew you and him or the situation then id have a much clearer idea as to what the challenge was and how to sort it. You might want to stay together, but do take into account hes stressed and not himself at the moment, especially until he finds a new job. he might retreat in on himself or he might work with you. No idea what hes like.

    Arguments and being needy at this stage arent going to do you any favours.

    He just seems to be withdrawing from me more and more
    With most people he seems to be fine though..

    Thats true- it just doesnt feel fair i guess

    You're right xx
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    He will because he's lost his job. Dont pressure him. Presumably he knows how to get a new one.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    He will because he's lost his job. Dont pressure him. Presumably he knows how to get a new one.
    Thank you so much- you dont know how much you have helped xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much- you dont know how much you have helped xx
    Im trying to get you to appreciate it from his view. Its a big thing losing your job and he will be in shock, bit depressed, annoyed you are working so much etc. If he was a grown up hed talk to you and youd deal with it as a couple. he'd tell you how he felt, but then how he planned to sort it out. By retreating in on himself he's confused and licking his wounds so to speak. be supportive, Dont nag and let him get on with it. He might get sensitive and be looking for a fight, just avoid and dont nag oe eush him and then he wont have an excuse.

    Losing a job can leave you in shock. if he gets the job sorted out then maybe things can get back to normal more. Im assuming you have both graduated.
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    Just be supportive of him as he's only just lost his job

    Also, whenever you're not working, find the time to spend time with him


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