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Do you ever feel as if you aren't good enough? Watch

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    I often have these thoughts and I am guessing that quite a few people are in a similar position.

    I do well in school but whenever people say that I am clever, I immediately deny it.
    And then they say that I am being annoying and that they wish they had my brains. Then I just ignore them so I don't annoy them even more. However whenever a teacher or someone cleverer than me pays the same sort of compliment, it actually makes me feel quite happy and all nice and warm for a split second , before returning back to my usual state of denial.

    Whenever I do well in hard tests or exams I feel as if I don't deserve the grades I get.
    In easy tests or exams I always say stuff like, it is not an indicator of any real intelligence and I will just play my results down.

    I feel as if I am a phony and because of that I'll work quite hard for tests so that no one will find out that I am actually just average.
    But sometimes I do procrastinate badly or don't revise because I am confident I'll do well if that makes sense.

    So it is not a constant fear of failure and so I don't work everyday.
    I can get rather lazy and refuse to do work if I don't feel as if it is going to help me.
    Although I feel as if I should work harder even though I do work quite hard and I wish that I did have a severe fear of failure.

    I'll never feel as if I've done enough and I am not very confident in my abilities.
    It is that fear of mediocrity.

    I set myself high standards in order keep up this facade of being really intelligent.
    But even if I get full marks, whilst I will be so happy, deep down I still won't think I am good enough. And by good enough I mean natural intelligence.

    I just work harder than most but not all people in my school as I care about doing well, hence why I do better than most as a lot of people don't even care.

    At least once every fortnight I'll cry about not being good enough. Absolutely pathetic really but it I can't help it and to be fair it is quite nice to let it out every now and again.

    Lol sorry its a bit all over the place but anyone experience similar thoughts?

    Just want to know how common it is.
    I am curious and obviously it also makes me feel better just typing up some of my thoughts for random people on the internet to read
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    nope
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    I'm the same; I'm never happy with what I achieve and always think I should have done better.
    Think I have countermeasured this to some degree by just not caring so much anymore, as ultimately things like grades don't matter all that much as long as they tick the boxes.
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    All the ****ing time.
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    You've essentially just described how I feel a lot of the time
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    Yup, in every walk of life tbh.
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    yeah all day every day lol
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    Yep, everyday tbh
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    I get this all the time! I feel like everyone is better than me at everything and that I don't deserve anything in life because I'm not good enough for it!
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    All the time.
    Sometimes to the point where I think it's normal.

    Don't make it become normal :no:
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    Sometimes either gettin' lazy or I don’t believe in me no more
    Seems like my own opinions, not one I can form
    Can't make a decision I keep questionin' myself
    Second guessin' and it's almost like im beggin' for help
    Like theyre my leader, Im supposed to ****in' be their mentor
    I can endure no more I demand I remember who you are
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    I don't feel good enough because I'm not good enough. That's logical.
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    "Full raw" "Imma geniuuuuusssss" xD
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    nope am the sh*t
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I often have these thoughts and I am guessing that quite a few people are in a similar position.

    I do well in school but whenever people say that I am clever, I immediately deny it.
    And then they say that I am being annoying and that they wish they had my brains. Then I just ignore them so I don't annoy them even more. However whenever a teacher or someone cleverer than me pays the same sort of compliment, it actually makes me feel quite happy and all nice and warm for a split second , before returning back to my usual state of denial.

    Whenever I do well in hard tests or exams I feel as if I don't deserve the grades I get.
    In easy tests or exams I always say stuff like, it is not an indicator of any real intelligence and I will just play my results down.

    I feel as if I am a phony and because of that I'll work quite hard for tests so that no one will find out that I am actually just average.
    But sometimes I do procrastinate badly or don't revise because I am confident I'll do well if that makes sense.

    So it is not a constant fear of failure and so I don't work everyday.
    I can get rather lazy and refuse to do work if I don't feel as if it is going to help me.
    Although I feel as if I should work harder even though I do work quite hard and I wish that I did have a severe fear of failure.

    I'll never feel as if I've done enough and I am not very confident in my abilities.
    It is that fear of mediocrity.

    I set myself high standards in order keep up this facade of being really intelligent.
    But even if I get full marks, whilst I will be so happy, deep down I still won't think I am good enough. And by good enough I mean natural intelligence.

    I just work harder than most but not all people in my school as I care about doing well, hence why I do better than most as a lot of people don't even care.

    At least once every fortnight I'll cry about not being good enough. Absolutely pathetic really but it I can't help it and to be fair it is quite nice to let it out every now and again.

    Lol sorry its a bit all over the place but anyone experience similar thoughts?

    Just want to know how common it is.
    I am curious and obviously it also makes me feel better just typing up some of my thoughts for random people on the internet to read
    Hey,

    I feel as though I was 100% in this position a few years back. For me, and I'm not saying it's necessarily the case for you, I put so much time and effort into my grades because I thought it'd make up for areas in my life where I knew I wasn't doing that well (socially, mainly), but I knew I could be successful academically 'cause it didn't seem as though you needed any innate skills or good looks or whatever, you just needed to work hard, and I knew I could do that. However, I still always felt inadequate to an extent, whatever my grades were. Similar to you I never thought I got those grades because I was smart but because I worked harder than most.

    After a while i learned that one of the worst things one can do to themselves is constantly compare their situation to others' (be it academic, socially, financially). This is because we've all got an inbuilt bias to only look upwards, at those who have it better than us. This is why we never feel 'good enough' about what we have, even if we're miles ahead of the average. I frequently fell in to this trap. I'd not be satisfied until I was getting the top marks in my classes, and because I wasn't as naturally gifted as some, I never got those top marks, however hard I worked.

    The dangerous thing about this mindset is that it can get us to do brilliant things. This mindset got me mostly through my GCSEs (3A*s and 9As) and A Levels (A*A*A a*) and into a reasonably competitive degree. However, once I got to university, I really became a small fish in a big pond, and I was struck by the fact that there was no way I could sustain myself wanting to be the top of the class when there were immensely more intelligent people than myself on my course. People say that one thing that really hits 'smart' people once they get to university is that they realise just how average they actually are in comparison to their cohort, but for me I was worse than average, and this was something I simply had never experienced before in my life. I knew that if I didn't drastically rethink what was driving me to do what I did in life (up until then just being better than those around me) I would wind up very, very unhappy.

    So I took stock, and for once appreciated just how much I had achieved to get myself to that point, and that that in its self was worth celebrating. But, I also realised that I had to stop always thinking about how I compared to others around me, because as much as it might mean I can do great things in the short run, the person it turns you into is not a happy person. Short-run, it's tolerable, but it's not a condition you want to be in for more than a few years. First year of university is great for having this moment of clarity, because you can try a different approach and it doesn't count for anything grade-wise. Anyway, once I stopped worrying about how I compared to everyone else academically I rethought quite a few things that I guess had subconsciously gone along with with that mindset:

    - I realised I was no longer interested in working in finance/investment banking, full-stop. Previously I'd put a lot of time into securing internships/insight days/spring weeks, researching into things I was hardly interested in, all because I thought my career would be like my academics: okay, I wouldn't enjoy it, but I'd be earning loads compared to everyone else and I guess that would mean I'm doing better than them, right? Instead, I'm now looking at career paths that I find just as intellectually challenging, but also ones that involve work that makes me feel as though I'm creating something worthwhile.

    - I realised that some of the things I'd thought of as my shortcomings (and so had to make up for academically) were just qualities of who I was as a person. Once I accepted a few of these I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders, and quickly felt as though I had a much more objective and accepting opinion of myself as a person.

    - I accepted the fact that because I'd left the 'small pool' of non-selective state education for good, that there wouldn't (or at least shouldn't assuming I'm doing the right things) be a point in my future where I'd come into a new university or job and be anything more than just average, and that, whatever I did, there would always be someone better than me at whatever I did. I'd always felt as though my parents were being horribly pessimistic when they told me something similar to this when I was a child, but now I think I can appreciate what they were getting at. It's unsustainable to only want to be the best for being the best's sake, there are just too many other people out there for that to be a reasonable objective. Instead, I realised that self-determination, wanting to achieve because that achievement means something meaningful to you is the (albeit more slow-burning) fuel you need to achieve things in life. It may mean you get to what you want a little slower, but it'll mean you wont burn out, or constantly feel a crippling sense of inadequacy, and, at least for me, it'll mean you'll actually aim for things that matter to you.

    If I could talk to myself a few years back, I'd probably still tell myself that being unhappy for a few years and doing quite well out of it academically will probably pay off in the long run. That being said, I have no counterfactual to compare with. I may have gone even further if I'd adopted the mindset I'm only just beginning to develop today. Maybe if I'd reassessed then and developed just a bit of self esteem as a teenager I'd have done even better, who knows? All I know is that for going on about a year now, I've been more comfortable with myself and more content with life in general than I had been for a long time previous to that. I no longer have that crushing sense of inadequacy all of the time, and even if it means I'm no longer quite as enthused to be the very best all of the time, it does mean that I'm reasonably happy, and I know with this new outlook I can hope to be that way throughout my life.

    Sorry if that was totally off the mark. It was just going by what you wrote I felt as though maybe I was once in a similar position to the one you seem to find yourself in now. Hopefully it helped in some way. Oh, and yes, it's always a good thing to occasionally let people (even if it's anonymously to strangers on the internet) know how you are feeling. I made an anonymous post like this one a couple of years back and just having someone I'd never even met take the time to know how I was feeling made me feel so much better. Anyway, feel free to message me (or just reply here) if you want to!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you to everyone who has replied
    It is really nice to know that quite a lot of people have similar thoughts and feelings on here.
    I don't really know anyone else in real life who has these sorts of problems.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Pro Crastination)
    Hey,

    I feel as though I was 100% in this position a few years back. For me, and I'm not saying it's necessarily the case for you, I put so much time and effort into my grades because I thought it'd make up for areas in my life where I knew I wasn't doing that well (socially, mainly), but I knew I could be successful academically 'cause it didn't seem as though you needed any innate skills or good looks or whatever, you just needed to work hard, and I knew I could do that. However, I still always felt inadequate to an extent, whatever my grades were. Similar to you I never thought I got those grades because I was smart but because I worked harder than most.

    After a while i learned that one of the worst things one can do to themselves is constantly compare their situation to others' (be it academic, socially, financially). This is because we've all got an inbuilt bias to only look upwards, at those who have it better than us. This is why we never feel 'good enough' about what we have, even if we're miles ahead of the average. I frequently fell in to this trap. I'd not be satisfied until I was getting the top marks in my classes, and because I wasn't as naturally gifted as some, I never got those top marks, however hard I worked.

    The dangerous thing about this mindset is that it can get us to do brilliant things. This mindset got me mostly through my GCSEs (3A*s and 9As) and A Levels (A*A*A a*) and into a reasonably competitive degree. However, once I got to university, I really became a small fish in a big pond, and I was struck by the fact that there was no way I could sustain myself wanting to be the top of the class when there were immensely more intelligent people than myself on my course. People say that one thing that really hits 'smart' people once they get to university is that they realise just how average they actually are in comparison to their cohort, but for me I was worse than average, and this was something I simply had never experienced before in my life. I knew that if I didn't drastically rethink what was driving me to do what I did in life (up until then just being better than those around me) I would wind up very, very unhappy.

    So I took stock, and for once appreciated just how much I had achieved to get myself to that point, and that that in its self was worth celebrating. But, I also realised that I had to stop always thinking about how I compared to others around me, because as much as it might mean I can do great things in the short run, the person it turns you into is not a happy person. Short-run, it's tolerable, but it's not a condition you want to be in for more than a few years. First year of university is great for having this moment of clarity, because you can try a different approach and it doesn't count for anything grade-wise. Anyway, once I stopped worrying about how I compared to everyone else academically I rethought quite a few things that I guess had subconsciously gone along with with that mindset:

    - I realised I was no longer interested in working in finance/investment banking, full-stop. Previously I'd put a lot of time into securing internships/insight days/spring weeks, researching into things I was hardly interested in, all because I thought my career would be like my academics: okay, I wouldn't enjoy it, but I'd be earning loads compared to everyone else and I guess that would mean I'm doing better than them, right? Instead, I'm now looking at career paths that I find just as intellectually challenging, but also ones that involve work that makes me feel as though I'm creating something worthwhile.

    - I realised that some of the things I'd thought of as my shortcomings (and so had to make up for academically) were just qualities of who I was as a person. Once I accepted a few of these I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders, and quickly felt as though I had a much more objective and accepting opinion of myself as a person.

    - I accepted the fact that because I'd left the 'small pool' of non-selective state education for good, that there wouldn't (or at least shouldn't assuming I'm doing the right things) be a point in my future where I'd come into a new university or job and be anything more than just average, and that, whatever I did, there would always be someone better than me at whatever I did. I'd always felt as though my parents were being horribly pessimistic when they told me something similar to this when I was a child, but now I think I can appreciate what they were getting at. It's unsustainable to only want to be the best for being the best's sake, there are just too many other people out there for that to be a reasonable objective. Instead, I realised that self-determination, wanting to achieve because that achievement means something meaningful to you is the (albeit more slow-burning) fuel you need to achieve things in life. It may mean you get to what you want a little slower, but it'll mean you wont burn out, or constantly feel a crippling sense of inadequacy, and, at least for me, it'll mean you'll actually aim for things that matter to you.

    If I could talk to myself a few years back, I'd probably still tell myself that being unhappy for a few years and doing quite well out of it academically will probably pay off in the long run. That being said, I have no counterfactual to compare with. I may have gone even further if I'd adopted the mindset I'm only just beginning to develop today. Maybe if I'd reassessed then and developed just a bit of self esteem as a teenager I'd have done even better, who knows? All I know is that for going on about a year now, I've been more comfortable with myself and more content with life in general than I had been for a long time previous to that. I no longer have that crushing sense of inadequacy all of the time, and even if it means I'm no longer quite as enthused to be the very best all of the time, it does mean that I'm reasonably happy, and I know with this new outlook I can hope to be that way throughout my life.

    Sorry if that was totally off the mark. It was just going by what you wrote I felt as though maybe I was once in a similar position to the one you seem to find yourself in now. Hopefully it helped in some way. Oh, and yes, it's always a good thing to occasionally let people (even if it's anonymously to strangers on the internet) know how you are feeling. I made an anonymous post like this one a couple of years back and just having someone I'd never even met take the time to know how I was feeling made me feel so much better. Anyway, feel free to message me (or just reply here) if you want to!
    Thank you so much for taking time out to write this!
    I really appreciate it so much coming from someone who has been through it all. If you don't mind I'll PM you later
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