4th May: Have you ever been heartbroken? Watch

BBC Radio 1
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This week on The Surgery Gemma and Dr Radha will be talking about Heartbreak. Are you currently dealing with a break up or situation which has left you feeling heartbroken? Or have you managed to mend your broken heart and have advice to share?

Post your questions, experiences and advice on this thread and we’ll do our best to answer and share them on The Surgery on BBC Radio 1 on Wednesday 4th May at 9pm.

NB: You can post on this thread anonymously.
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Kevin De Bruyne
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I don't swear by the Kübler-Ross model but it can offer some insight into how you feel after a breakup.

The worst thing to do is hang around and hope they'll change their mind, because it's not easy to think straight in an emotional state and you might not see that maybe the breakup was for a reason and that there'll be other people that come along, provided you make the effort. But it is natural to want them back as that emotional bond that you had isn't easy to break or completely let go of.

And there's no quick fix to getting over someone, it just takes some time (with them blocked out of your life completely - number, messages, gifts, all binned) and there is nothing that watching episodes of Blackadder can't fix.
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MrsSheldonCooper
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Dear all those with broken hearts.

Forget about them. It wasn't meant to be. Dedicate the next two weeks of your life eating pizza and watching the Walking Dead. Then climb a mountain. It REALLY helps.


Me xxx
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Anonymous #1
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It's been nearly a year and I still care.

Even though I don't want to.
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Anonymous #2
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Yes, this girl said one of the nicest things anybody has ever said to me, and left me heartbroken, still hurts man
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fastandfurious
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Heartbroken by the number of friends that abused my trust and loyalty, backstabbed me and used me.
Haven't fixed it though, because I keep finding myself in similar situations on an annual basis :\
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Anonymous #3
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Yes, I have been, and it's something which dulls over time. It's like a healing cut which scars over. It generally doesn't hurt any more after a while, but there's still a mark on your heart.

However, I can imagine a non-romantic heartbreak which never stops hurting in the form of the death of a close family member (which I fortunately haven't yet exerienced). With girls it's fine, you can just go and bang a string of new ones and it cheers you up no end. What's the equivalent if your kid gets run over? I dunno.
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Paracosm
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Boy, oh boy. The two times I've gone through a breakup I've been very quick to accept it, but not as quick to move on. I am of the opinion that once a relationship reaches the point where it can no longer continue, there's no 'going back' or 'changing your mind'. Once you make that decision, commit to it.

Ofc I'm not posting this anonymously, I don't like using it :lol:

Rant! Avoid at all costs!
The first one was bad. Really bad. I think a few people on TSR know the story already now. But, what the heck… why not share it publicly? No shame. We'd been seeing each other for a good while now, must have been at least a year or something. I got a phone call one afternoon from my Dad, telling me he was in hospital and he had been diagnosed with cancer. The pain of the news was instantly soul-destroying. I doubled over in shock, feeling so totally powerless and confused. I did become quite emotional, some told me I seemed depressed. I don't like to publicly display my emotions unless it's absolutely unavoidable. So, I tried my best to keep my ex happy. I'd arranged for us to see her favourite YouTubers in concert (who're now a couple!), Emma Blackery and Luke Cutforth. She even got to meet them afterwards! It was a fun night.

Then exams came and we obviously didn't see each other for a while because we didn't want to get in the way of each other's revision. So we planned a post-exam trip to GoApe… that was exciting and kept me going. We texted every so often and occasionally she forgot herself and would suddenly be telling me what she did that day with her ex. I'm not the questioning type. I made the assumption that she was mature enough (and could be trusted) to be friends with someone and leave it at that. I was a little insecure about it, but didn't pull it up. The weekend of the GoApe trip was approaching, it was the end of the day and I got a text message: "Check Skype" (we used to IM and video call using it). I got home an hour later to find that she'd ended it on the basis that I was too depressed over my dad. Which was fun. I'd let her borrow my iPad previously, which was a gift from my Dad and was brand-new when I let her borrow it (admittedly, a stupid decision). I got it back smashed and scratched. Then, the worst bit. The day of the trip came. Of course, I didn't go.


But she did. She also had the audacity to replace me with her ex, take photos of the spectacle and plaster them over every single medium of social media. That was nice. Turns out, she was seeing him behind my back. Even nicer.

Oh yeah, my Dad's in remission now.
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1secondsofvamps
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Nope because I've never been in a relationship. Cba for boy drama in my life
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by BBC Radio 1)
This week on The Surgery Gemma and Dr Radha will be talking about Heartbreak. Are you currently dealing with a break up or situation which has left you feeling heartbroken? Or have you managed to mend your broken heart and have advice to share?

Post your questions, experiences and advice on this thread and we’ll do our best to answer and share them on The Surgery on BBC Radio 1 on Wednesday 4th May at 9pm.

NB: You can post on this thread anonymously.
I've been heartbroken but time is an amazing healer I've learnt. Took a long time and I guess it sounds easier said than done. As clichéd as that sounded it did help a lot. I feel like I was a totally different person then and now and I've taken away so much from it. I've learnt it was just part of life experience and it really does hurt like you cannot describe but you do get over it. I did think that I wouldn't be able to handle being without the other person etc but I learnt that in time the reason we parted eventually was because that person didn't resonate with who I was or my values and wasn't good for me.

It's difficult to see how someone can be bad for you when all you see is the good through your biased cloud of love and affection. But we learn and we become stronger and we grow.
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Sirelis
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(Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
Dear all those with broken hearts.

Forget about them. It wasn't meant to be. Dedicate the next two weeks of your life eating pizza and watching the Walking Dead. Then climb a mountain. It REALLY helps.


Me xxx
The walking dead has some really sad scenes in it though
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Anonymous #5
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Been through it several times!

a 4 1/2 year relationship, 3 of those we lived together. The final 2 years of sexual and emotional abuse were unbearable. I wanted to end it so badly but couldn't/didn't know how. Eventually I did, no one knew why or what my problems were and so everyone fell out with me. My parents, my friends... Worst of all, my ex made up enough stories to convince everyone to stay hating me basically. Still to this day I hear things and have to tell people what really happened. Even following this, the amount of people who just don't get it or don't care to get it is shocking. My own parents didn't really give a damn and didn't even believe the 'sexual abuse' side of my relationship. I'm a guy who was with a girl by the way.

My Dad used to always go on about how it was my fault and I was cold, heartless and cruel for ending it. After I finally told him 2 years later why I ended it, he told me that there was no way a girl could ever force anything on me etc and that it was all me. No matter how I tried to explain it, he just didn't get it. So that was fun. He also refuses to acknowledge any mental issues really...

Following the breakup and the backlash I went into a deep depression, drugs, drink, suicide attempts. It was a crazy time. Had many months off work and just coasted through life deciding why I shouldn't just kill myself. Most of the time I was just experiencing things, kinda ticking boxes off a mental to do list before I did it, I guess to justify that I've seen enough and have no reason to continue. I eventually met another girl who convinced me life was worth living. We were together 9 months and I got a little better, but that kinda stuff doesn't just leave you and I still had a lot of issues I hadn't quite ironed out.

I dated for a while and eventually I met someone who I fell absolutely in love with. The more I got to know her though, the crazier she got. She was a complete Narcissist. It was actually scary, I didn't see the warning signs until it was too late though. After a long string of problems we called it a day and once again I felt alone in the world. I'm still not really over her now honestly. I don't miss her, I hate her. But I miss caring for someone and having someone care for me.

Got me back to square one of depression/anxiety and just generally not really wanting to carry on that whole business did. Decided that there's nothing left for me here where I live and so after some time I came up with a way to get out. I'm moving away and going to uni.

Hoping to meet new and like minded people and just start fresh basically. Start over in a place where no one knows me or my past and I can just move on.

My advice to people that can relate to any of that?

Don't give up.
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Imperion
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When someone eats your left over pizza

https://imgflip.com/readImage?iid=36199409
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Mostly just giving all and then it gets crapped on but I never learn xD
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ZuluK
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(Original post by iEthan)
Boy, oh boy. The two times I've gone through a breakup I've been very quick to accept it, but not as quick to move on. I am of the opinion that once a relationship reaches the point where it can no longer continue, there's no 'going back' or 'changing your mind'. Once you make that decision, commit to it.

Ofc I'm not posting this anonymously, I don't like using it :lol:

Rant! Avoid at all costs!
The first one was bad. Really bad. I think a few people on TSR know the story already now. But, what the heck… why not share it publicly? No shame. We'd been seeing each other for a good while now, must have been at least a year or something. I got a phone call one afternoon from my Dad, telling me he was in hospital and he had been diagnosed with cancer. The pain of the news was instantly soul-destroying. I doubled over in shock, feeling so totally powerless and confused. I did become quite emotional, some told me I seemed depressed. I don't like to publicly display my emotions unless it's absolutely unavoidable. So, I tried my best to keep my ex happy. I'd arranged for us to see her favourite YouTubers in concert (who're now a couple!), Emma Blackery and Luke Cutforth. She even got to meet them afterwards! It was a fun night.

Then exams came and we obviously didn't see each other for a while because we didn't want to get in the way of each other's revision. So we planned a post-exam trip to GoApe… that was exciting and kept me going. We texted every so often and occasionally she forgot herself and would suddenly be telling me what she did that day with her ex. I'm not the questioning type. I made the assumption that she was mature enough (and could be trusted) to be friends with someone and leave it at that. I was a little insecure about it, but didn't pull it up. The weekend of the GoApe trip was approaching, it was the end of the day and I got a text message: "Check Skype" (we used to IM and video call using it). I got home an hour later to find that she'd ended it on the basis that I was too depressed over my dad. Which was fun. I'd let her borrow my iPad previously, which was a gift from my Dad and was brand-new when I let her borrow it (admittedly, a stupid decision). I got it back smashed and scratched. Then, the worst bit. The day of the trip came. Of course, I didn't go.


But she did. She also had the audacity to replace me with her ex, take photos of the spectacle and plaster them over every single medium of social media. That was nice. Turns out, she was seeing him behind my back. Even nicer.

Oh yeah, my Dad's in remission now.
I'm sorry

Glad about your dad though hope he gets better

:hugs: :heart:
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Leviathan1741
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Yes, although not for the kind of reasons you might expect. One such time was during high school. During year 10 I think, I was rejected after applying for a peer counseling role, on the basis that my communication skills 'weren't good enough'. My history teacher was the one in charge of the peer counseling team, and I still haven't forgiven her for rejecting me to this day (there are other aspects to this story which I won't bother going into here). Essentially, she totally crushed my dream of becoming a psychologist, and it might sound trivial to some, but it really hurt me. I cried for days
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It's about a year on. The everyday panic attacks and chest ache stopped some months back, but I still have to keep my mind off of her to operate every day, it does all come back sometimes and I feel like I'm going to shut down. I don't know how normal this is and it seems to be not too uncommon with this generation to deal badly with relationships, I wonder if it's a part of what I like to call special snowflake syndrome. We are a very weird generation, the first to grow up with social media, as the career culture gets worse and we spend more time working and stressing; marketing and advertising is carried out on us to a mathematical degree and we all have very distorted impressions of what to expect in life. But that isn't of anyone's fault or master plan, just the natural result of all the idealised media thrown at us, and not living life beyond the screen.
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Rum Ham
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Yes. I've been heartbroken from grief, breakdown of friendships etc. The one that sticks with me more than any other is the heartbreak I felt when I lost my best friend of 6 years 7 years ago through his actions.

He physically assaulted me because he was jealous I had a boyfriend then. It wasn't just a little slap, not that even that would have been acceptable. He changed in an instant and in the space of a few seconds I lost my best friend, someone who I saw as a brother, my partner in crime and pretty much the biggest person in my life. It broke my heart and to this day, it's one of the few things that makes my stomach drop when I think of it still. I didn't really deal with how I felt when it happened and tried to block it and him out and I think that's why it still gets to me this day because I never processed it all. Its made me distrust people even more.

It worries me that if he could do that to me, he could do it to a future girlfriend, friend or even child.

Posted from TSR Mobile
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Paracosm
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(Original post by Spock's Socks)
Yes. I've been heartbroken from grief, breakdown of friendships etc. The one that sticks with me more than any other is the heartbreak I felt when I lost my best friend of 6 years 7 years ago through his actions.

He physically assaulted me because he was jealous I had a boyfriend then. It wasn't just a little slap, not that even that would have been acceptable. He changed in an instant and in the space of a few seconds I lost my best friend, someone who I saw as a brother, my partner in crime and pretty much the biggest person in my life. It broke my heart and to this day, it's one of the few things that makes my stomach drop when I think of it still.

It worries me that if he could do that to me, he could do it to a future girlfriend, friend or even child.

Posted from TSR Mobile
That's awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you :console:
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Andy98
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Yep, had heartbreak - not nice. Although I guess it is a little weird when they are dying at the start of the relationship.
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Anonymous #7
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Many times. Was not a relationship heartbreak tho. Life broke my heart. Life does it and no one knows yet because I didn't tell anyone.

I have a dream job ; and I might be sick. This illness will stop me from doing the job of my dream. Idk if I'm sick yet. Just waiting for the results. This is my worst heartbreak. Living in incertainty.
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