Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Depression that's been going on for years Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So low. I've been low for years, I don't know why really.

    Long story short:

    8 years ago or I so I had anorexia, before that I was always a bit of an existentialist growing up. I know most people ask questions like "who am I?" and "what is the point of all this?", but it affected me on a daily basis.

    When I was recovering from anorexia I was promised by healthcare professionals that they would help me sort out my mental health once I recovered.

    After recovery I was actually a lot worse; my old emotions came through ten-fold and I just cried a lot. For some reason it gets worse every April. I have been to the doctors on multiple occasions but nothing has been done.

    I am now in a loving relationship and after an accidental unwanted pregnancy had an abortion over two months ago. It hasn't made it much better. Nor has the fact that I am a struggling freelance writer and my boyfriend is a really successful photographer who gets to do cool stuff and go on assignments.

    I don't enjoy other people's presence anymore, aside from that of my partner.

    Alone I don't know what to do with myself. It never gets better. I know it sounds bad, I just wish I had some terminal illness so I didn't have to deal with these things any more. I wouldn't kill myself but I am so tired of living. And it feels purely chemical.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Go and see your local GP with these issues.

    If you want someone to talk to, feel free send messages .

    Good luck and hope everything works out.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Drax101)
    Go and see your local GP with these issues.

    If you want someone to talk to, feel free send messages .

    Good luck and hope everything works out.
    Thank you. I have been to my healthcare professional in the past and they didn't do anything really.

    Plus after years of counselling as a teenager I don't have much faith in that industry.

    I can't help but feel as if what I feel is logical, however pessimistic it is. Life is pointless, working is a waste of time unless you love what you are doing and it's difficult to be financially liberated enough to be in that position... Even if I were to have a well paying job that I love, I would feel the same I think. Really, what is the point of expounding energy on life when we just die in the end.

    There is suffering everywhere. Humans suffer, people suffer, we're destroying the world. When you hear stories about a mad Russian scientist who decides to sew dogs together in an experiment similar to the human centipede, Japanese or German war time experimentation of minority groups, rape stories, sadistic murder etc, I can't help but think "why do we bother with all this as a species? If we have so much suffering, why hold on for some meaningless insignificant momentary pleasure?
    Offline

    13
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I have been to my healthcare professional in the past and they didn't do anything really.

    Plus after years of counselling as a teenager I don't have much faith in that industry.

    I can't help but feel as if what I feel is logical, however pessimistic it is. Life is pointless, working is a waste of time unless you love what you are doing and it's difficult to be financially liberated enough to be in that position... Even if I were to have a well paying job that I love, I would feel the same I think. Really, what is the point of expounding energy on life when we just die in the end.

    There is suffering everywhere. Humans suffer, people suffer, we're destroying the world. When you hear stories about a mad Russian scientist who decides to sew dogs together in an experiment similar to the human centipede, Japanese or German war time experimentation of minority groups, rape stories, sadistic murder etc, I can't help but think "why do we bother with all this as a species? If we have so much suffering, why hold on for some meaningless insignificant momentary pleasure?
    Life is pointless? So what are you doing here?

    You came on TSR with hope that someone is going to provide you with helpful advice.

    Yes, humans do suffer, not everyone by a choice though. Why do you care if you see no value to life? You should be happy but you're not because you disagree with what is happening at the moment.

    Just remember that it's up to you whether you want to live with that kind of attitude everyday.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    you're too good



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Impressive)
    Life is pointless? So what are you doing here?

    You came on TSR with hope that someone is going to provide you with helpful advice.

    Yes, humans do suffer, not everyone by a choice though. Why do you care if you see no value to life? You should be happy but you're not because you disagree with what is happening at the moment.

    Just remember that it's up to you whether you want to live with that kind of attitude everyday.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    you're too good



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    My attitude?

    I am depressed. It's not up to me how I want to perceive the world. I am trying to distract myself and do other things but it's not so easy as said.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I have been to my healthcare professional in the past and they didn't do anything really.

    Plus after years of counselling as a teenager I don't have much faith in that industry.

    I can't help but feel as if what I feel is logical, however pessimistic it is. Life is pointless, working is a waste of time unless you love what you are doing and it's difficult to be financially liberated enough to be in that position... Even if I were to have a well paying job that I love, I would feel the same I think. Really, what is the point of expounding energy on life when we just die in the end.

    There is suffering everywhere. Humans suffer, people suffer, we're destroying the world. When you hear stories about a mad Russian scientist who decides to sew dogs together in an experiment similar to the human centipede, Japanese or German war time experimentation of minority groups, rape stories, sadistic murder etc, I can't help but think "why do we bother with all this as a species? If we have so much suffering, why hold on for some meaningless insignificant momentary pleasure?
    You have a boyfriend, so you have something to live for.

    Many, many people work in jobs they hate, they work due to the need to earn a sufficient income to live a certain lifestyle. My friends are in well paid jobs, however, they do it due to the need to earn income, they don't necessarily enjoy it.

    What are your goals and ambitions? Are you looking to continue writing? Are you seeking to go to university, their are dozens of options and ways to get onto a degree you like and a career you would enjoy, for example, take a access course in engineering and study civil engineering at a top uni and make friends.

    Be more self sufficient then, find ways to meet your goals, I'm looking to buy a house when I get my job, that means only going to the cinema a few times, not buying clothes (I'm a male), not spending money on fancy restaurants or expensive holidays, their is always a way.

    Why don't you look at the positives and have gratitude? You have a boyfriend, you can watch amazing movies, travel, read stimulating books, make friends, visit cities, theme parks, have interesting conversation and help people in the process so you are making the world a better place.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Drax101)
    You have a boyfriend, so you have something to live for.

    Many, many people work in jobs they hate, they work due to the need to earn a sufficient income to live a certain lifestyle. My friends are in well paid jobs, however, they do it due to the need to earn income, they don't necessarily enjoy it.

    What are your goals and ambitions? Are you looking to continue writing? Are you seeking to go to university, their are dozens of options and ways to get onto a degree you like and a career you would enjoy, for example, take a access course in engineering and study civil engineering at a top uni and make friends.

    Be more self sufficient then, find ways to meet your goals, I'm looking to buy a house when I get my job, that means only going to the cinema a few times, not buying clothes (I'm a male), not spending money on fancy restaurants or expensive holidays, their is always a way.

    Why don't you look at the positives and have gratitude? You have a boyfriend, you can watch amazing movies, travel, read stimulating books, make friends, visit cities, theme parks, have interesting conversation and help people in the process so you are making the world a better place.
    When it gets down to it I admittedly don't have many reasons to be depressed.

    I do have a loving boyfriend, I have actually already got a first class degree from a good university.

    I am also self-sufficient to a degree, but London is a drain and any money I earn I lose just as quickly.

    My boyfriend came from a very wealthy background and is now getting paid a fifth of what I would earn in a year in just 3 weeks. He doesn't work harder than me, it's quite depressing.

    Everything is when you are depressed. I think it's clinical, not something I can something about without pills.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I have been to my healthcare professional in the past and they didn't do anything really.

    Plus after years of counselling as a teenager I don't have much faith in that industry.

    I can't help but feel as if what I feel is logical, however pessimistic it is. Life is pointless, working is a waste of time unless you love what you are doing and it's difficult to be financially liberated enough to be in that position... Even if I were to have a well paying job that I love, I would feel the same I think. Really, what is the point of expounding energy on life when we just die in the end.

    There is suffering everywhere. Humans suffer, people suffer, we're destroying the world. When you hear stories about a mad Russian scientist who decides to sew dogs together in an experiment similar to the human centipede, Japanese or German war time experimentation of minority groups, rape stories, sadistic murder etc, I can't help but think "why do we bother with all this as a species? If we have so much suffering, why hold on for some meaningless insignificant momentary pleasure?
    You put everything into words i wanted to say, great writing skills - maybe because you are a freelance writer. You have talent - why put that to waste? Yes we do die in the end, but don't die without making a positive impact in this world.. and theres many, many people who want be you - just living is a gift. Use it wisely x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by samina_ay)
    You put everything into words i wanted to say, great writing skills - maybe because you are a freelance writer. You have talent - why put that to waste? Yes we do die in the end, but don't die without making a positive impact in this world.. and theres many, many people who want be you - just living is a gift. Use it wisely x
    Thank you. I'm at an early stage in my writing career for now, currently writing about social issues and creating features to accompany photography projects, but I'm not sure which direction I'd like to head in for my personal, more creative work.

    I do feel that regardless of whatever minimal impact I make while living, humanity as a hole is indeed the salt of the earth. We are destroying it for ourselves and the species that are contemporary to us. At the same time, the universe will keep on going even after we have destroyed our own little insignificant part of it.

    Why then is living a gift?
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Well yes it is true that at the end of the day everything we do is pointless and almost futile, but so what.

    If you were hungry and you bought a pizza and started eating it, with the full knowledge that it would eventually all be eaten, you wouldn't give up and think what's the point. You accept the food will eventually end and you enjoy it as much as you can - it is the same with life.

    Life isn't a gift per se. but the chances of you being here right now are astronomically small, so you may as well enjoy it whilst you have the chance.

    Camus makes the point that even though life is pretty futile we can still enjoy everything it has to offer (essentially) and we should not give up.

    There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I'm at an early stage in my writing career for now, currently writing about social issues and creating features to accompany photography projects, but I'm not sure which direction I'd like to head in for my personal, more creative work.

    I do feel that regardless of whatever minimal impact I make while living, humanity as a hole is indeed the salt of the earth. We are destroying it for ourselves and the species that are contemporary to us. At the same time, the universe will keep on going even after we have destroyed our own little insignificant part of it.

    Why then is living a gift?
    I agree with you. Sadly we can't do anything for the horrible things which happen. But you got to find something worth living for? Otherwise you will just drown in your own sorrow. If you feel so sad about humanity - you can help them. E.g. create organisations which support domestic violence victims, provide a hostel for orphans, provide the homeless shelter.. you might feel a bit better knowing you are making the quality of life better for them..

    Up to you anyway.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Inexorably)
    Well yes it is true that at the end of the day everything we do is pointless and almost futile, but so what.

    If you were hungry and you bought a pizza and started eating it, with the full knowledge that it would eventually all be eaten, you wouldn't give up and think what's the point. You accept the food will eventually end and you enjoy it as much as you can - it is the same with life.

    Life isn't a gift per se. but the chances of you being here right now are astronomically small, so you may as well enjoy it whilst you have the chance.

    Camus makes the point that even though life is pretty futile we can still enjoy everything it has to offer (essentially) and we should not give up.

    There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
    I feel the same way as Camus when I'm happy, but when I'm not happy I can't help but think "why bother?"

    And tbh, for reasons beyond my own control I'm more often sad than I am happy.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by samina_ay)
    I agree with you. Sadly we can't do anything for the horrible things which happen. But you got to find something worth living for? Otherwise you will just drown in your own sorrow. If you feel so sad about humanity - you can help them. E.g. create organisations which support domestic violence victims, provide a hostel for orphans, provide the homeless shelter.. you might feel a bit better knowing you are making the quality of life better for them..

    Up to you anyway.
    I agree with everything you have stated, OP I second this, if you feel sad about humanity, why not help them?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Drax101)
    I agree with everything you have stated, OP I second this, if you feel sad about humanity, why not help them?
    I do in a sense. I write about humanitarian issues and try and sway peoples' minds.

    I still get a feeling sometimes that everything is meaningless, that even helping others and so-called 'meaningful jobs' are meaningless in the greater scheme of things...
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Life is life, just enjoy life, enjoy the people, enjoy the now, the abundance, the parks, the fresh air, books, good will take take of the grand scheme of things.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 5, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.