Sending out the wrong signals?

If I'm totally honest, I'm a bit socially inept. I'm a sociable person but not that good with girls: I'm the kind of guy who will say the wrong thing and later hit my forehead for being such an idiot.

I've never really been good at making girls who I like realise I'm interested. Some of my exes, never even realised I was even remotely interested before I approached them on a drunken night out or whatever. The only reason why I would act slightly distant, was because I simply didn't know how guys are supposed to act around a girl they're interested.

Anyway, in the past few years, I keep meeting girls I'll be friendly with (usually the fact that I don't find them attractive/intimidating one bit helps me to act all relaxed and friendly) and I just think "she seems nice, we might be good friends".

The trouble is, ususally through another person, they'll tell me that they're interested, that they find me attractive.

Now, I wonder if I send out the signal that I'm interested or if I seem so desperate and obviously single, that a girl thinks she just needs to say she's interested, for me to say "yes"?

Reply 1

Saffie

11

Anonymous

Now, I wonder if I send out the signal that I'm interested or if I seem so desperate and obviously single, that a girl thinks she just needs to say she's interested, for me to say "yes"?

people dont fancy you just because you're sending out the wrong signals. they just like the relaxed and friendly side of you.

Reply 2

Ducki

10

I think you are sending out the wrong signals. Flirt shamelessly with some of the girls you like. Works for me :cool:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Saffie

people dont fancy you just because you're sending out the wrong signals. they just like the relaxed and friendly side of you.

That's probably true but why do these girls tell me so blunty (ok, through an intermediary person) that they're interested, as if, just become I'm single, I"ll probably say yes to any girl who's interested?

It creates so many difficult situations because I feel like I have to keep being friendly without leading them on.

Reply 4

Paperfolders57

I should think if you are sending out which ever signals , then they must either get intepted incorrectly , or they not getting through!!

Reply 5

generalebriety

16

Paperfolders57

I should think if you are sending out which ever signals , then they must either get intepted incorrectly , or they not getting through!!

Err... I don't think you're sending out the wrong signals, no, as long as they know you're like that with other people too. Maybe they're attracted to you because of this relaxed, friendly side... but people who are relaxed and friendly (and don't flirt) don't come across as the sort of people who are attracted to you at all.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

Err... I don't think you're sending out the wrong signals, no, as long as they know you're like that with other people too. Maybe they're attracted to you because of this relaxed, friendly side... but people who are relaxed and friendly (and don't flirt) don't come across as the sort of people who are attracted to you at all.

Yeah I find it puzzling. When I'm friendly, I tend to be quite inquisitive. Maybe such girls aren't used to guys being like that, and assume that showing interest in what they do, what they're into, means that I'm attracted. :s-smilie:

In any case, when I'm attracted to someone, the first thing I do isn't tell them either directly or through a friend, that I'm attracted, simply because I'd be worried that I'd be laughed at because the girl's probably out of my league or might think so anyway.

I would hope that these girls would think somewhat the same thing i.e. that I'm probably slightly unattainable and that it will take more than just saying they're interested for me to want to go out with them. And once these girls realise I'm not particularly interested, they act kind of bitchy, as if it was my duty, "being such a loser", to go out with them, that I have no choice.

I never really know what the girls in question actually say, but somehow by the time it gets to me, it really does sound like the girl has said "tell that guy that I'm interested".

Reply 7

Paperfolders57

extremly depend upon whether you're the kind of person to be handing around with!!

Reply 8

Yoda

12

Anonymous

if I seem so desperate and obviously single, that a girl thinks she just needs to say she's interested, for me to say "yes"?

Perhaps this may be why you're doing slightly less well with girls you are interested in.

Reply 9

WokSz

17

I used to have the same problem. You need to just be confident - what's the worse that can happen?

Reply 10

dans

12

Exactly!! Go for it guys!

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Paperfolders57

extremly depend upon whether you're the kind of person to be handing around with!!

Can you explain what you mean there please?

Yoda

Perhaps this may be why you're doing slightly less well with girls you are interested in.

Well probably true. I don't really know how to act around many people, especially girls I'm interested in. I don't know if it's because I seem desperately single when talking to girls I'm interested in, that they're not interested. I should hope not. I don't even know why these other girls are interested: if it's because I seem desperate but to them, I seem like easy prey whereas the other girls, I'm more attracted to, think "loser". ****ing hell, this confuses me too much. :frown:

When I am friendly, I'm always wondering "**** am I weirding her out?" or "Do I seem desperate?". I'm lost for ideas, of whether I should be more friendly, less friendly, whatever. :frown:

Reply 12

Paperfolders57

Dont know what to think with the things you've said here why dont you be yourself and remain calm around people!!

Reply 13

Yoda

12

Anonymous

When I am friendly, I'm always wondering "**** am I weirding her out?" or "Do I seem desperate?". I'm lost for ideas, of whether I should be more friendly, less friendly, whatever. :frown:

Yoda shall explain what is meant by the term "be yourself". Rather than wondering how she feels, or trying to make her time enjoyable, perhaps anonymous may be a little more selfish and enjoy his time out too. Having perfected selfishness, yoda finds himself not having to post threads like this. Or possibly this is just due to yoda's outstandingly good looks. To answer this we must look to the stars and meditate.

Sending out the wrong signals?

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