Okay, this isn't the first time I've posted on TSR about this girl.
We've been good friends for 3 years, and I've always been attracted to her. At first this was unrequited, as she had a boyfriend, but as her relationship with him came to an end, I'll admit she probably took advantage of my feelings for her, keeping me close and leading me on before telling me she wanted to sleep with someone else (a mutual friend) because she wasn't quite ready for another relationship. This made me sad, but it isn't my place, and she means the world to me so I told her fine, but we can't be as close anymore, probably for the best (this when I last posted, and was following the advice i received).
However, after this, she told me nothing had happened between her and this mutual friend she was gonna sleep with, and she misses me so much.I obviously fell more in love, but eventually she became distant. Then she told me she was seeing someone (another mutual friend). I accepted this and wished her the best, but soon found out she'd been lying to me all year about the first boy, and they'd been sleeping together the whole time. This really broke my heart and I cut contact.
Being a devout Catholic and all, eventually learned to try and forgive them both, accepting that she just didn't want to lose me or hurt me.
We became friends again, but not so close. She had at this point broken up with the second mutual friend that she had started seeing. Tragedy struck in February though when he suddenly passed away very young. This obviously tore everyone to shreds, and I promised I'd be there for her, something I felt only out of duty as a friend. However, since then we've grown close again, and the feelings return.
She tells me day in day out that she loves me, wants to marry me, that I'm good looking and that I know her better than anyone and am her soulmate, but when I tell her how I feel or ask her out, she says 'I don't know why but we just can't be together' and yet reiterates all of the above. It makes no sense to me.
Now it looks like she might be starting to see someone else (yet ANOTHER mutual friend - and a boy who cares pretty much just for sex) and everyone always says that one day me and her will marry, and I feel like one day she's gonna realise this and I cling to that hope, but worry that I'm waiting in vain, especially as I'm nearly 20 now and a virgin.
If anybody's heard the song 'wild horses' by the rolling stones, that's me.
Any advice would be much appreciated.