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How to get him more confident when going out?

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, and we're both really happy. There's just one thing I've been hoping to work on recently...most of the time when we go out with our friends he goes quieter and doesn't really join in with the dancing and drinking as much as the rest of us do, and sits out a lot of the time. I love dancing with him and showing him off basically :redface:

but while he says sometimes he 'doesn't mind it' I know he's a bit shyer about that sort of thing and so how do I get him to be more outgoing with lots of people around? I guess I just have this fantasy of him leading me in a massive dance-off in the bar - lol. It's a bit more boring otherwise with just our friends, and I see other couples together and feel like I'm missing out...

Or should I just drop the issue completely and accept he'll never like going out as much as the rest of us? He's hardly anti-social but there's still a bit of difference between what I like doing and what he'd rather do on a night out. I think there should be a compromise somewhere but I can't see it without your suggestions :smile:

ta

Reply 1

pink_bunny_89

My boyfriend is kinda like this, whenever we go out with his friends or work friends he gets really edgy about dancing, which is a bit of a downer for me :frown:

StarryEyedSurprise

The only thing that makes me more confident when going out is alcohol.

Yeah this usually works though :wink:

Also I try complimenting him like saying he's a really good dancer and stuff.

Reply 2

shewantstobeme

10

I had an issue which was kind of similar with my boyfriend (about how I felt we acted as a couple in public) and I just talked to him about it.

See why he might feel so intimidated, and he might start to come out of his shell if you push him ever-so gradually.
Also, if he understands that you might be concerned, he may make a special effort to make you feel happy.

At the same time, with my issue, I had to come to terms with the fact that my fantasy of perfect boyfriend world was never going to happen, as it wasn't real life at all.

Just chat to him, and see what you can both deduce from one anothers feelings :smile:

Reply 3

The Bishman

8

First off, you sound like an amazing girlfriend to want to help him, hes probably not used to this and so is a new thing for him.

Small steps, dont expect him to change over night. After going out and having fun with you, he should start to enjoy himself. I would go out with just you and him instead of with your mates as well to get him used to relaxing, being with your mates all the time could be intimidating slightly, I know going out with my fiances mates for the first couple times was quite nerve racking as I wanted to impress etc.

Also this isn't Dirty Dancing, he isnt Patrick Swayze (or however you spell it) and your not Baby. If possible you could do the opposite of the movie and teach HIM to dance, just remember not to put him in the corner or anything...

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

I definitely don't want to change him or nag him into being someone he's not! I'm not that mean or patronising. I'd just like to find a compromise that would make us both happy and comfortable and have a good time out that would benefit him as well as me. That's not too much to ask is it? As I said earlier, I'm more than willing to drop the whole issue if it seems too pushy of me, but meanwhile I just want to know if anyone has had similar experiences and if they can offer some tips about going out with a boyfriend.

Reply 5

sweetface.

Have you talked to him about this?

Reply 6

Brownie_89

My boyfriend dances more when he is with his friends and not in front of mine. But drinking alcohol does the trick for him he needs a lot to losen up and dance but he usually drinks a lot on a night out. Your boyfriend may be embarraced and may think that he is a bad dancer, so I think you should try to boost his confidence a bit too.

Reply 7

shewantstobeme

10

Brownie_89

My boyfriend dances more when he is with his friends and not in front of mine.

So true. At our prom, my bf was raving it up when he was dancing with all the lads, and when he came and danced with me and my close mates he kept himself a bit more reserved. He said it was because men jump around more and you can't go crazy when you dance with girls. Shoddy excuse :rolleyes:

oh well...

My boyfriend never really 'dances' with me. I don't know if it's because he doesn't have the confidence. At the prom I danced with guys in a deemed-sexual way (my bf didn't mind as they were guy mates, and it was a laugh) but my bf never initiates me dancing with him like that, and if I try to it seems that he just feels a bit unconfident with himself, as he never really gets into it much.

Maybe with OP's situation, it's just a confidence thing. And how he feels he should act around different people. (Ie. he can't be really dance-off dancey infront of your mates because he's worried what they'll think of him).
Does he know you'd like to dance with him a lot on nights out? Not just 'come on, let's dance' when you're there, but talking about it when you're just chilling out with each other elsewhere. That might help :smile:

Then he knows it's not just a momentary thing which happens in nightclubs.

Reply 8

Fixed04

make him feel like he's the best, men love to feel like they're on top of the world, make out wit him in front of everyone n den grab some drinks, grind together on da wall, he'll love it n feel like he's da best

if that doesn't work jus give up

Reply 9

Eubacterium

13

Tell him how you feel. If he cares about you he'll make the effort to dance. It's only dancing in the end and why shouldn't he want to dance with you? Practising at home may help...

Reply 10

Chewwy

17

Fixed04

make him feel like he's the best, men love to feel like they're on top of the world, make out wit him in front of everyone n den grab some drinks, grind together on da wall, he'll love it n feel like he's da best

if that doesn't work jus give up

lol

How to get him more confident when going out?

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