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Relationship Question

Poll

Should they stay together?

10

Situation:

Couple, both 20, been together for 10 months in a serious relationship

2 months ago the girl reads an MSN conversation between the boy and his exgirlfriend. During the conversation he explained to his ex that he did not love his girlfriend and he asked the ex whether she would give their relationship together another go.

Obviously the girlfriend was very upset when she read this, the boy apologised and explained that he regretted the things he said and promised that if ever he spoke to his ex again, that he would tell her. Two months on and things are getting better. A few weird days but things seem to be on the up.

Still not trusting her boyfriend, the girl went onto his computer and found one MSN conversation - between him and his ex girlfriend (The rest had been deleted). She was hurt that he did not tell her as promised - he said that he had called her a few days ago and didn't want to tell the girl in case she got upset. The call was provoked because the exgirlfriend texted the boyfriend saying they should have a chat. Nothing bad was said about the girlfriend and it was just a catch up.

Given the boy's behaviour and the girl's inability to trust him, should they stay together?

Reply 1

thatwhichiam

14

Personally I think the girl should have dumped him after the 'I don't love my girlfriend' bit. The boy is being entirely selfish and I am seriously concerned that all the rest of his chat logs were deleted. Didn't tell her because it would upset her, even though finding out this way would have hurt her more? What is he, thick or vindictive?

If the trust has gone, never to be regained, I'd say end it. But is it a happy relationship otherwise?

Reply 2

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

This guy just doesn't know what he wants. Don't hang around for him to make his mind up, life's too short and perhaps you should tell him that he needs to grow up a little before starting a relationship with somebody else.

Reply 3

decoy

I agree with the above 2 posts.

If I ever found out that someone I was going out with wrote to their ex "i don't love her", meaning me, when previously they've told me they did (I presuming this chap has told you/whoever that they love you/whoever). I'd finish with their ass, I suggest you do the same, or whoever it is you're talking about.

Reply 4

Ron Stoppable

14

k@tie

Couple, both 20, been together for 10 months in a serious relationship

2 months ago the girl reads an MSN conversation between the boy and his exgirlfriend. During the conversation he explained to his ex that he did not love his girlfriend and he asked the ex whether she would give their relationship together another go.

Obviously the girlfriend was very upset when she read this, the boy apologised and explained that he regretted the things he said and promised that if ever he spoke to his ex again, that he would tell her. Two months on and things are getting better. A few weird days but things seem to be on the up.

Still not trusting her boyfriend, the girl went onto his computer and found one MSN conversation - between him and his ex girlfriend (The rest had been deleted). She was hurt that he did not tell her as promised - he said that he had called her a few days ago and didn't want to tell the girl in case she got upset. The call was provoked because the exgirlfriend texted the boyfriend saying they should have a chat. Nothing bad was said about the girlfriend and it was just a catch up.

Given the boy's behaviour and the girl's inability to trust him, should they stay together?

Steps

After the love has gone [validated by his admission to a third party], only fools carry on...

The issue isn't about staying together; it's actually about your long-term happiness. Besides, "staying" resists change and development, and that's just plain boring!

In your situation, Katie, I'd take a chance on a happy ending with someone more communicative and ardent. :smile:

Fixed04

the girl has no right to check the guys msn

Infected Mushroom

snuck around behind her boyfriends back and invaded his privacy

DaChronik

she went through his conversations!

louisedotcom

you have to check up on him.

Lay off her back already! :rolleyes:

Serious relationships have transparency. Get with the programme.

Reply 5

Fixed04

first off the guy did do something bad but it must also be noted that the girl has no right to check the guys msn
if i was the guy i'd dump the girl
talk ain't nuthin but if my girl went on my msn and somehow got my password i would be PISSED
yeah they should break up, but i wouldn't blame the guy as much as the girl
EDIT: and who are you to decide whether they should keep going out or stop?? it's their life and their decision, quit trying to be so manipulative, my best friend is goin out with a girl i consider ugly as **** and i told him that but it's not like i said "yo break up with that ugly bitch"

Reply 6

beach surf babe

14

Fixed04

first off the guy did do something bad but it must also be noted that the girl has no right to check the guys msn
if i was the guy i'd dump the girl
talk ain't nuthin but if my girl went on my msn and somehow got my password i would be PISSED
yeah they should break up, but i wouldn't blame the guy as much as the girl
EDIT: and who are you to decide whether they should keep going out or stop?? it's their life and their decision, quit trying to be so manipulative, my best friend is goin out with a girl i consider ugly as **** and i told him that but it's not like i said "yo break up with that ugly bitch"

I think the poster is referring to themselves....

Reply 7

Enchanté

14

I personally don't think they should stay together if the guy keeps contacting his ex girlfriend, clearly looks like the guy cannot make up his mind of what he wants and doesn't want to hurt anyone in the process.

Reply 8

Infected Mushroom

They shoudn't stay together..
He told his ex that he didn't love her.
He asked for his ex back while dating the girl
He broke a promise.
He lied about it too.
The girl doesn't trust the boyfriend.
He purposefully didn't tell the girl about the phone conversation with the ex
The girl lied and snuck around behind her boyfriends back and invaded his privacy by reading his MSN conversations.

It's all here but in the end its ultimately their decision. We've only heard the bad bits but he might be an amazing guy who has just made a few mistakes. Or he could be as bad as e is being made out to be.

Reply 9

DaChronik

Seems like a bit of a pointless relationship... Sure the girfriend doesnt trust the boyfriend, but I would trust her either, I mean she went through his conversations! A bit clingy innit? I think readin each others texts are a bit much...

That being said... I dunno, boys can say something and mean something else... Its really up to wha the girlfriend FEELS...

Reply 10

louisedotcom

13

1) He said he doesnt love you
2) He went behind your back talking to an ex when he promised he wouldnt
3) You dont trust him
4) You go behind his back and read his MSN conversations

Ok, so this is supposidly a serious relationship where there is no trust on your part, he doesnt love you, he lies to you, and you have to check up on him?

I think this relationship has passed its sell by date. I think to try and make this work would be a wast of both of your time. If he doesnt love you, essentially the relationship is only going to last as long as it takes for him to find someone else that he does love.

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Should they stay together?

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