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    I stupidly bought tickets to go back home to go on a date with this guy. I haven't been back home for a while and miss everyone so I thought, why not.

    But my depression has really hit me hard the last few days and I'm feeling awfully fragile. I feel like he's going to flake on me - on wednesday when I asked what we are doing, he wasn't really putting much effort into organising it, and I was the one doing most of the work. But he said that he doesn't usually plan that far ahead, which I guess is fair enough...? So we have decided to meet at an undecided wetherspoons at 5. He said he'd get back to me about that the day after.

    So I messaged him last night, not in an overwhelming way, just 'hey, have you decided which spoons yet?' and he said no, where are you again, etc etc. and generally just not making an effort. Then he said sorry and said he had a lot of things to do even though he was logging on whatsapp every 10 minutes or so

    Thing is, I thought he was interested because the days before that we were talking for a long time and he would always message me first, so I don't know why he's suddenly getting cold feet.

    Do I message him tonight asking if its still on or just leave it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I stupidly bought tickets to go back home to go on a date with this guy. I haven't been back home for a while and miss everyone so I thought, why not.

    But my depression has really hit me hard the last few days and I'm feeling awfully fragile. I feel like he's going to flake on me - on wednesday when I asked what we are doing, he wasn't really putting much effort into organising it, and I was the one doing most of the work. But he said that he doesn't usually plan that far ahead, which I guess is fair enough...? So we have decided to meet at an undecided wetherspoons at 5. He said he'd get back to me about that the day after.

    So I messaged him last night, not in an overwhelming way, just 'hey, have you decided which spoons yet?' and he said no, where are you again, etc etc. and generally just not making an effort. Then he said sorry and said he had a lot of things to do even though he was logging on whatsapp every 10 minutes or so

    Thing is, I thought he was interested because the days before that we were talking for a long time and he would always message me first, so I don't know why he's suddenly getting cold feet.

    Do I message him tonight asking if its still on or just leave it?
    This seems like a similar situation I've been in. You need to first calm down and don't overthink the situation if you feel as if he is not making effort then I think you should just simply tell him that you would like to plan it so it would be better for you to understand what to do.

    Still understand that he may be busy but he needs to consider that you're actually flying out to see him so its unfair to not give you any details. Just say something like I know you told me you would tell me later but I need to plan this so I'm aware of what to do

    Sometimes people are hard to read or they do these certain things because its the way they are don't take him not responding quickly to heart maybe this will change when you finally see each other xxx

    I hope I helped
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I stupidly bought tickets to go back home to go on a date with this guy. I haven't been back home for a while and miss everyone so I thought, why not.

    But my depression has really hit me hard the last few days and I'm feeling awfully fragile. I feel like he's going to flake on me - on wednesday when I asked what we are doing, he wasn't really putting much effort into organising it, and I was the one doing most of the work. But he said that he doesn't usually plan that far ahead, which I guess is fair enough...? So we have decided to meet at an undecided wetherspoons at 5. He said he'd get back to me about that the day after.

    So I messaged him last night, not in an overwhelming way, just 'hey, have you decided which spoons yet?' and he said no, where are you again, etc etc. and generally just not making an effort. Then he said sorry and said he had a lot of things to do even though he was logging on whatsapp every 10 minutes or so

    Thing is, I thought he was interested because the days before that we were talking for a long time and he would always message me first, so I don't know why he's suddenly getting cold feet.

    Do I message him tonight asking if its still on or just leave it?
    Just ask him outright if he still wants to meet up.
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    (Original post by pinkrox22310)
    This seems like a similar situation I've been in. You need to first calm down and don't overthink the situation if you feel as if he is not making effort then I think you should just simply tell him that you would like to plan it so it would be better for you to understand what to do.

    Still understand that he may be busy but he needs to consider that you're actually flying out to see him so its unfair to not give you any details. Just say something like I know you told me you would tell me later but I need to plan this so I'm aware of what to do

    Sometimes people are hard to read or they do these certain things because its the way they are don't take him not responding quickly to heart maybe this will change when you finally see each other xxx

    I hope I helped
    Heya yeah you're right, I need to calm down. I have anxiety so I find it hard to control making impulsive decisions. I'll talk to him tonight and see what happens.

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Just ask him outright if he still wants to meet up.
    That was my initial plan, but I didn't want to seem too clingy by messaging him tonight...
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    Hope it goes well, I also don't think you're being clingy you just want this to work its understandable.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)



    That was my initial plan, but I didn't want to seem too clingy by messaging him tonight...
    all you are doing is asking a simple question.
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    As others have said, just ask straight out "do you actually want to meet up?" and see what he says. He might just be playing it (too) cool, or maybe you're giving the vibe that you'll sort everything so he feels like he can just step back.

    It's not clingy to ask him, even though it seems that way. You're travelling for it; you have a right to know what you're doing. If his laid back attitude is something you don't like, then eventually I'd stop trying too if I were you. Imagine living with that long-term...
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    (Original post by antonyzac)
    As others have said, just ask straight out "do you actually want to meet up?" and see what he says. He might just be playing it (too) cool, or maybe you're giving the vibe that you'll sort everything so he feels like he can just step back.

    It's not clingy to ask him, even though it seems that way. You're travelling for it; you have a right to know what you're doing. If his laid back attitude is something you don't like, then eventually I'd stop trying too if I were you. Imagine living with that long-term...
    That is true. I'm usually the decisive one in my friendship group and don't mind organising stuff... I quite enjoy it. But sometimes, with potential dates, I see it as a way of gauging their interest, i.e. if they don't put in much effort planning then I assume they're not interested, which I would say is reasonable. But when I said to him 'sorry, I don't like wishy washy plans' he was like 'I'm all about them haha' so I guess he really is just laidback. I'll be more assertive when I talk to him tonight and just mention a time and date and see how it goes. Thanks
 
 
 
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