Advice needed - Friends vs. Relationship?

One of my friends (as in an actual person, not "friend" meaning me) has really fallen for a lad who I personally think is an absolute tool.

Theres a group of about 15 of us who have been really good friends for years. A few weeks back, one of the girls, who I shall call A, started to fancy M. (I wasn't particuarly happy - since in the past I've heard him speaking really viciously and unnecessarily about one of my friends - not even his character, just his appearance.) Luckily, A realised M was a bit of a **** and left him alone fairly soon. But literally the day after she let everyone know this, another of the girls, B, started flirting with him a lot. Now they're basically going out. At first all my female friends were pissed off with the timing and disloyalty this seemed to show, but gradually they've just accepted how much B likes M and now seem fine with it. I don't think any of them like M though; but they just think if she's happy they're not going to bother spoiling her fun.

However, the four or five lads in this group are really not happy. When B is not around, M is really nasty, and even racist. When she is, his stories and attempts to impress her are just pathetic. We don't like him, and have told her so, as well as the other girls. I know M doesnt like any of us, which to me seems reason enough for B to not like him - if shes our friend?
Generally boyfriends have come from outside the group, and in virtually every case we've absolutely loved them and accepted them as one of own. I can't understand why she hasn't listened and accepted the opinions of her friends of several years. M really isn't very well liked around college. He's not a nice bloke.

The problem is, do we lads keep pushing it? Do we keep letting her know and hope the penny drops eventually. If we do this, the girls will start becoming all defensive, and the "group" will probably split. If we don't we don't want to be around him anyway, and will walk away from them. I just know within a few weeks or months they will have split up anyway - and she will almost certainly get hurt.

I don't know who to be pissed off with - him, obviously, for being a ****, but also very "false" when he's with B. Or her, for ignoring what her friends told her and just liking him. Surely it reflects badly on her for being able to like someone like that. Or my friends who are just going to let it go because she's happy, regardless of what we all think?

It's so complicated - hope someone can help.

Reply 1

shona

If you've already told B what you think of M, that's all you can do. Repeatedly saying that M is a tool is only going to drive a wedge between you and B, not between B and M.

If you make B feel as if she has to choose between you lot and M, you might end up losing her as a friend. If M really is an idiot, she'll work it out eventually. All you can do is be there for her when it happens.

But you never know - there might be something really special about M deep down that you lot don't know about.

Good luck.

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Advice needed - Friends vs. Relationship?

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