This year, I've forced myself to do something really scary. I went back to college. I faced the fear that I always had of not being good enough at school that has stuck to me throughout my life (I'm 23, almost 24 now). I've exceeded everyone's expectations, including my own. I've achieved top marks in every assignment I've been set so far. There are only a few left now, then It's all done.
I find myself asking, what now? What do I do?
Sure, I've done well this year, but there's no guarantee that I can keep that up for another three years at University. Plus, my anxiety has never been worse, having to deal with the problems that have happened on the course and the hostility of students to one another.
I find myself asking, who do I think I am? Why do I think I'm good enough to go to University? I can barely look after myself at the best of times, without extra responsibilities like living by myself.
Then on top of all this, I keep berating myself because I'm almost 24 and a fragile mess. The idea that life is freer when you're an adult is a blatant lie. If you're not trapped by work or comittments, you're trapped by your own God damn mind.
I just have alot of questions and no answers and I'm fed up with all of it.
Loughborough at number one