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Keep arguing with boyfriend but i dont know what im doing wrong, wanted advice watch

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    I keep arguing with my boyfriend and afterwards i always cry but i dont know whats right and whats wrong anymore, i feel im in the wrong even though Im just being myself. My boyfriend calls me when he gets angry whereas i will either stay quiet or 'answer back' as he calls it even though im just saying what i think. I dont have any close friends to talk to about it so i always just cry after on my own.

    He coaches a climbing group which ive been going to on and off (so havent been taking it seriously) but i didnt think it bothered him as some people do just do sports in a lighthearted way. One of the arguments is that we competed in climbing yesderday at a competition, the group got a minibus there and as i was getting on the minibus i noticed a seat next to my boyfriend but then someone shouted 'ele you need to sit at the back' so i did. When we got to the competition he seemed moody and muttered 'i saved you a seat next to me and you went to the back, so i thought **** you' then he walked off. I tried to explainthat i was told to go to the back but he was walking away.

    Later he joked about it and was ok with me again. That night he said that i was banned from his group as he didnt want the other younger ones picking up bad habits. I do suck at climbing so could see where he was comming from but still felt annoyed. I texted that id go for a recovery run instead as my legs were tired so felt i couldnt climb today anyway.

    This morning i was getting ready to go to the sports arena to run round the field and he rang. I said i was on my way and that im better doing a recovery run. He said 'no dont give me that ******** theres no reason why you cant train properly' I said well my legs are tired a run is best' he started saying stuff in anger then said 'your a spoilt little ****' i said 'what' he ssid 'you heard me then hung up. I went down and he said that his frustration had build up at me comming out with excuses all the time. Later on he said its because he cares.

    He also says that im super defensive about things even when arguing i dont shout i talk but i just say what i much of the time. He tells me negative stuff that people have said about me ie i dont listen, ive no drive and it annoys me because ive got more drive than then they hardly train. He says that im too defensive though. We just finished an argument which ended with him walking away and saying **** off, i said 'you too'.

    I dont know what im doing wrong though. I feel as though im just having my say/stickinv up gor myself in matters but he says im too defensive. Its hard for anyone to judge the situation as there are always 2 sides but i just dont know what im doing wrong and it seems that he doesnt either.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I keep arguing with my boyfriend and afterwards i always cry but i dont know whats right and whats wrong anymore, i feel im in the wrong even though Im just being myself. My boyfriend calls me when he gets angry whereas i will either stay quiet or 'answer back' as he calls it even though im just saying what i think. I dont have any close friends to talk to about it so i always just cry after on my own.

    He coaches a climbing group which ive been going to on and off (so havent been taking it seriously) but i didnt think it bothered him as some people do just do sports in a lighthearted way. One of the arguments is that we competed in climbing yesderday at a competition, the group got a minibus there and as i was getting on the minibus i noticed a seat next to my boyfriend but then someone shouted 'ele you need to sit at the back' so i did. When we got to the competition he seemed moody and muttered 'i saved you a seat next to me and you went to the back, so i thought **** you' then he walked off. I tried to explainthat i was told to go to the back but he was walking away.

    Later he joked about it and was ok with me again. That night he said that i was banned from his group as he didnt want the other younger ones picking up bad habits. I do suck at climbing so could see where he was comming from but still felt annoyed. I texted that id go for a recovery run instead as my legs were tired so felt i couldnt climb today anyway.

    This morning i was getting ready to go to the sports arena to run round the field and he rang. I said i was on my way and that im better doing a recovery run. He said 'no dont give me that ******** theres no reason why you cant train properly' I said well my legs are tired a run is best' he started saying stuff in anger then said 'your a spoilt little ****' i said 'what' he ssid 'you heard me then hung up. I went down and he said that his frustration had build up at me comming out with excuses all the time. Later on he said its because he cares.

    He also says that im super defensive about things even when arguing i dont shout i talk but i just say what i much of the time. He tells me negative stuff that people have said about me ie i dont listen, ive no drive and it annoys me because ive got more drive than then they hardly train. He says that im too defensive though. We just finished an argument which ended with him walking away and saying **** off, i said 'you too'.

    I dont know what im doing wrong though. I feel as though im just having my say/stickinv up gor myself in matters but he says im too defensive. Its hard for anyone to judge the situation as there are always 2 sides but i just dont know what im doing wrong and it seems that he doesnt either.
    Hi,
    Sorry you're in this unpleasant situation.
    You say that you're arguing a lot and I imagine that you see or have contact with one another often. Perhaps you could have a break from each other and get some perspective on the relationship.
    Also it may not be so helpful to think of it in terms of he is wrong (or right) and I am right (or wrong). Try, instead, to think of what is helping and what is hindering the relationship from your point of view.
    As you say, there are always two sides but the statements from him you have quoted don't sound very caring towards you.
    Best of luck.
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    He sounds like a child
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    (Original post by Davide_online)
    Hi,
    Sorry you're in this unpleasant situation.
    You say that you're arguing a lot and I imagine that you see or have contact with one another often. Perhaps you could have a break from each other and get some perspective on the relationship.
    Also it may not be so helpful to think of it in terms of he is wrong (or right) and I am right (or wrong). Try, instead, to think of what is helping and what is hindering the relationship from your point of view.
    As you say, there are always two sides but the statements from him you have quoted don't sound very caring towards you.
    Best of luck.
    Thanks, see it's hard as he coaches me at climbing too, or did, I don't know where I stand half the time. It's like the conflicts of him coaching me mixed in with relationship issues. He has strong opinions and I often have to word things carefully so I don't annoy him/trigger an argument. He says that I frustrate and bug him as I come out with excuses as to why I don't train well at climbing and that I make excuses in the relationship to. Most of the time they are not excuses but reasons. I suppose he has a strong work, eat healthy and exercise ethic and although I'm physically fit I'm more laid back.
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    I can appreciate that the dual relationships here can make this situation harder for you. From the further information you've given, the guy sounds like a strong character in a way and it may be that he means well most of the time. But it also seems a lot of hard work on your part and maybe you could begin to consider what you are willing to tolerate and what you're getting out of the relationships. For example, you may not like him being so often or so easily annoyed but on the other hand you may be improving under his coaching and overall he may be bringing more good than bad to your particular table.
    Credit to you that you are open-minded enough to see other angles here rather than just complain or avoid the issue.
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    Dump him
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    There are better words to use than swearing all the time.


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    You sure he is your boyfriend? cause he don't act like one and you two don't sound good together constant arguing and violent outbursts.
 
 
 
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