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Narcissism

Right, here goes. I was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a couple of weeks ago. I was just wondering if anyone else had any experience of this or people with it.
I never thought there was anything wrong with me and I don't think you would realise if you spoke to me on the street. In fact I very carefully hide any aspects of my 'personality' that I think might be unattractive to whomever I am speaking to.
I've been told that it can have effects on any long term relationships that I might have in the future and that I should be open about it. However I'm scared that if I come out with 'Oh yeah and I'm a Narcissist' people will just run off scared.
I tend to think that mental disorders are just modern excuses for personality flaws. If anyone ever accuses me of being selfish or arrogant I can plead insanity. I'm not sure if that makes anything any better. I'm still the same person, medical issue or not it doesn't change what I'm like.
If you were somebody I knew, what would you make of it?

Reply 1

puppy

If you didn't think there was anything wrong with you then how did you end up getting diagnosed with it? I'm assuming a GP didn't just wander up to you in the street...

If you didn't think there was anything wrong then what's the problem? If you're not experiencing any problems then you may as well not have it... if you see what I mean. I'd just get on with your life the same way you have been up until now. I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to tell people about it, especially if it doesn't affect your behaviour around them or your relationships.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

puppy

If you didn't think there was anything wrong with you then how did you end up getting diagnosed with it? I'm assuming a GP didn't just wander up to you in the street...

If you didn't think there was anything wrong then what's the problem? If you're not experiencing any problems then you may as well not have it... if you see what I mean. I'd just get on with your life the same way you have been up until now. I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to tell people about it, especially if it doesn't affect your behaviour around them or your relationships.

I had an eating disorder and it was only diagnosed when my parents took me to the GP for that. It's just that I'm scared now that it will stop me from ever getting really close to anyone. I always thought that I would grow closer to my friends as I became older. That friendships at college and secondary school aren't really meant to mean anything to me anyway. Now that I know the reason for my detachment from people it makes me feel incredibly alone. I've been waiting for the person who will truly 'understand' me. I know now that that's simply another part of my condition and that I wont ever feel that anyone is special enough to commit to.

Reply 3

toth8

3

Why is that weird? Narcissistic Personality Disorder is considered bad for a reason.

Let's look at the symptoms.

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1 - has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2- is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3 - believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4 - requires excessive admiration
5 - has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6 - is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7 - lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8 - is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9 - shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

You don't think such actions can't harm others?

Reply 4

Lucyatthegym

My parents think I have it and have tried to take me to someone because of it.. But, I know there is nothing wrong with me so refuse to go... (My Mummy is really into psychology and stuff and thinks it could be the reason behind my behaviour when really she doesn't have a clue lol).

If you don't think you have a problem then it doesn't matter does it?? Don't put yourself in the box you've been labelled. Just because you've been diagnosed doesn't mean you'll face problems because of it.

Reply 5

generalebriety

16

Lucyatthegym

My parents think I have it and have tried to take me to someone because of it.. But, I know there is nothing wrong with me so refuse to go... (My Mummy is really into psychology and stuff and thinks it could be the reason behind my behaviour when really she doesn't have a clue lol).

If you don't think you have a problem then it doesn't matter does it?? Don't put yourself in the box you've been labelled. Just because you've been diagnosed doesn't mean you'll face problems because of it.

I think the point is that the OP is facing problems... besides which, they might fit incredibly neatly into the box they've been labelled as. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell you you have a problem before you realise it.

OP: as for what I'd think, I'd think you were the same as I always had done. Narcissistic personality disorder or not, if I thought you were arrogant and annoying then I wouldn't like that in you. There's plenty of people who don't have a disorder and are narcissistic anyway, and I wouldn't like it in them either. You can't have it both ways - you can't try to hide your personality because your disorder doesn't matter and think no one will care because your disorder does matter. In the end, though, it's up to you - you control your personality, not some disorder name, though that might affect you to a small or a large extent.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

I think the point is that the OP is facing problems... besides which, they might fit incredibly neatly into the box they've been labelled as. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell you you have a problem before you realise it.

OP: as for what I'd think, I'd think you were the same as I always had done. Narcissistic personality disorder or not, if I thought you were arrogant and annoying then I wouldn't like that in you. There's plenty of people who don't have a disorder and are narcissistic anyway, and I wouldn't like it in them either. You can't have it both ways - you can't try to hide your personality because your disorder doesn't matter and think no one will care because your disorder does matter. In the end, though, it's up to you - you control your personality, not some disorder name, though that might affect you to a small or a large extent.

If I acted the way in which I actually felt I doubt very many people would like me. I'm not stupid, I won't show people that I don't care about their feelings. In fact I've often been the recipient of comments such as 'you're the only person who would ever understand' and 'I know that you're a considerate person'. The thing is however that no matter how much I pretend to care, and measure all my words and movements so that everyone around me doesn't think anything bad of me, I still don't actually care. Me trying to 'control' my personality is just me living a fake life.

But who can honestly say that if I acted like toth8 described they would want to have anything to do with me? It's a bit of a vicious circle: I pretend to all those 'close' to me which stops me actually feeling any intimacy with anyone, but if I ever do let my guard down there's no way they would stay near me.

I'm just realising how pointless this is as I write. I guess it's better to have faked intimacy than to be alone for the rest of my life.

Reply 7

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

If I acted the way in which I actually felt I doubt very many people would like me. I'm not stupid, I won't show people that I don't care about their feelings. In fact I've often been the recipient of comments such as 'you're the only person who would ever understand' and 'I know that you're a considerate person'. The thing is however that no matter how much I pretend to care, and measure all my words and movements so that everyone around me doesn't think anything bad of me, I still don't actually care. Me trying to 'control' my personality is just me living a fake life.

But who can honestly say that if I acted like toth8 described they would want to have anything to do with me? It's a bit of a vicious circle: I pretend to all those 'close' to me which stops me actually feeling any intimacy with anyone, but if I ever do let my guard down there's no way they would stay near me.

I'm just realising how pointless this is as I write. I guess it's better to have faked intimacy than to be alone for the rest of my life.

Well, it's up to you. Do you think you could ever shock yourself into caring? Does the fact that no one will ever care about you if you don't care about them come into consideration? If not, it's up to you - you're having to choose between two difficult circumstances, granted, but you must make a choice.

Personally, having been on the receiving end of many "friends" who turned out not to care in the past, I'd say tell people. But you of course would feel differently about that. Incidentally, why are you scared of people finding out? Is it because they won't like you, or because they'll be insulted, or what?

Reply 8

always + forever

1

Is there treatment available for you? I mean, counselling or therapy or some such?

Maybe it's better for you to think about these being simply 'elements' your personality not the sum total of the person that you are. I don't think I'm expressing myself terribly well, but by saying 'I'm X' then you're kind of pushing yourself into a box and you may start to identify yourself with that box. For example, you meet a guy who you like, but you think 'because I'm X I'm never going to think that he's the right one for me.' Whereas, if you didn't think 'I'm X' and instead sought treatment, and thought 'I've got a problem, but I'm getting over it and maybe he's the one to help me' you might feel better about things.

Reply 9

Sanity Panda

Hmm... I never thought that narcissim could be considered as a genetic sort of trait, an inborn characteristic.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

Personally, having been on the receiving end of many "friends" who turned out not to care in the past, I'd say tell people. But you of course would feel differently about that. Incidentally, why are you scared of people finding out? Is it because they won't like you, or because they'll be insulted, or what?

Well I don't want to lose my friends, that's why. I'm not without feeling. My friends make me very happy and I wouldn't ever want to lose them. The problem is simply that I often make them unhappy. I sometimes do or don't do things that I would never think could hurt someones feelings. All of my motives are selfish I admit that much, I'm not in denial. I would rather a friend was hurt that me as long as they didn't think to blame me. For example I'll help a friend out with revision for an exam, but as little as possible, maybe telling them answers that I know are wrong. That way I'll look helpful while making sure there's no way they can be better than me. Because I just can't take other people being better at something than I, no matter how happy they make me.

I am in therapy at the moment. I have the advantage of intelligence and common sense. I know how I feel and what I feel and that it's not the way most people feel. I don't think it's right and I'm not in denial about anything. I want to have a good life but at the same time I don't want to change anything about myself because I love the way I am. I just don't want other people not to love the way I am. Maybe I'll 'recover' and look back on my personality now in disgust. i

Reply 11

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

I sometimes do or don't do things that I would never think could hurt someones feelings.

This contradicts the rest of your post, you make it sound like you just don't realise what hurts people's feelings when you clearly do.

Anonymous

I am in therapy at the moment. I have the advantage of intelligence and common sense. I know how I feel and what I feel and that it's not the way most people feel. I don't think it's right and I'm not in denial about anything. I want to have a good life but at the same time I don't want to change anything about myself because I love the way I am.

Why? You know no one else will, otherwise you wouldn't think it was wrong.

Reply 12

AYE

10

Anonymous

I am in therapy at the moment. I have the advantage of intelligence and common sense. I know how I feel and what I feel and that it's not the way most people feel. I don't think it's right and I'm not in denial about anything. I want to have a good life but at the same time I don't want to change anything about myself because I love the way I am. I just don't want other people not to love the way I am. Maybe I'll 'recover' and look back on my personality now in disgust. i

Well thats a given isn't it? Your 'disorder' means no matter what you should love yourself. I think you should carry on with the treatment, do whatever you can, because IMO its horrible to not care about other people.

Though I must add that I sometimes do as a narcissistic person would, e.g. Give them **** drafts of my work to learn from, or lead them astray in revision, but thats more about me being proud of my work rather than them being better than me.

Reply 13

C00kies

Narcisssm is a part of everyone's personality to varying degrees, the worst case scenario is an abject lack of empathy and a sense of grandiosity like yourself. The natural advantage of a bit of narcissism is an increased sense of self-esteem and self-worth, the worst I think would be generally hated/despised if you weren't clever enough to hide the narcissism, but most are and are very manipulative.

If you don't recognise a problem and 'love the way' you are then there is no point going to therapy-just wasting NHS money. What about your family? Do you love them?

Reply 14

a-dam

I'm not narcisssssisssticc I just love myself more than anyone else

Reply 15

wirbelsturm

2

a-dam

I'm not narcisssssisssticc I just love myself more than anyone else

Although a real narcissist would be able to spell.