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    My girlfriend is going through some "Finding herself" esc things right now. We've been together for a year now. I'am open to her exploring herself through other people(Male + Female) (kissing mainly), but not to the extent of sexually. She wants more than just kissing and I don't feel comfortable with it. I may be open to it if it was to be in the form of a threesome. However the thought of me being touched by and having sex with other people in any form (even with her there) upsets her.

    I want the best for her, I want her to 'grow' but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with her doing anything more than kissing other people. I'm somewhat anxious that she will end up getting to a stage where she can't control her actions (Ie Drunk) and having someone take advantage of her after being lead on with her kiss.

    My question is, What do I do? Has anyone been through this from either point of view? Am I being close minded?. I really don't Know *Sigh* I love her to bits. I just want her to not feel like she missed out on something or to resent me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend is going through some "Finding herself" esc things right now. We've been together for a year now. I'am open to her exploring herself through other people(Male + Female) (kissing mainly), but not to the extent of sexually. She wants more than just kissing and I don't feel comfortable with it. I may be open to it if it was to be in the form of a threesome. Cheeky. However the thought of me being touched by and having sex with other people in any form (even with her there) upsets her.
    Bruh....
    I want the best for her, I want her to 'grow' but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with her doing anything more than kissing other people. I'm somewhat anxious that she will end up getting to a stage where she can't control her actions (Ie Drunk) and having someone take advantage of her after being lead on with her kiss.

    My question is, What do I do? Has anyone been through this from either point of view? Am I being close minded?. I really don't Know *Sigh* I love her to bits. I just want her to not feel like she missed out on something or to resent me.
    Bruh, just bruh...
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    Clearly she doesn't want to be in an open relationship because otherwise she'd be okay with you exploring with other people as well. She just seems selfish and not ready for a relationship. Break up with her and let her explore all she wants.
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    It's not as bad as you think it is. Successful ones are suppose to be very rewarding

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    (Original post by Ananaz)
    Clearly she doesn't want to be in an open relationship because otherwise she'd be okay with you exploring with other people as well. She just seems selfish and not ready for a relationship. Break up with her and let her explore all she wants.
    Well... I love the Girl and would rather not
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well... I love the Girl and would rather not
    Well, then you don't have much choice do you? Other than watch her find herself through other people whilst you're just going to be left blue-balled.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend is going through some "Finding herself" esc things right now. We've been together for a year now. I'am open to her exploring herself through other people(Male + Female) (kissing mainly), but not to the extent of sexually. She wants more than just kissing and I don't feel comfortable with it. I may be open to it if it was to be in the form of a threesome. However the thought of me being touched by and having sex with other people in any form (even with her there) upsets her.

    I want the best for her, I want her to 'grow' but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with her doing anything more than kissing other people. I'm somewhat anxious that she will end up getting to a stage where she can't control her actions (Ie Drunk) and having someone take advantage of her after being lead on with her kiss.

    My question is, What do I do? Has anyone been through this from either point of view? Am I being close minded?. I really don't Know *Sigh* I love her to bits. I just want her to not feel like she missed out on something or to resent me.
    There's many red flags here, but I'll try and remain neutral.

    Firstly, if you're both young it's only natural for you to want to explore other options. Heck, being young is THE time to explore your options, see what you like and dislike etc. The issue here is that you've entered into a relationship with the idea of exclusivity and now suddenly there's that idea it needs to change.

    Threesomes, open relationships etc are not all they are cracked up to be. I've heard it from many people that threesome's are awkward, expectations are unrealistic, and in general not worth the emotional roller-coaster afterwards. Same goes for open relationships. That isn't to say neither can be work or be fun, as I know others who have enjoyed such experiences, but it really does come down to the individuals and I honestly don't think you're some who would be able to handle such an experience.

    Sexual intimacy is far more enjoyable when you are with someone you care about deeply, IE Your girlfriend. She may find after exploring (should that happen) that things aren't as appealing as she thought, at which point she's lost the wonderful thing that is your relationship. On the other side of the coin, it may be that she needs to "get it out of her system" but she's even ready for a committed relationship.

    No one here can really tell you what to do, but I would definitely advise caution. It sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too; it sounds to be that she wants to be able to sleep around whilst using you as a backup, an emotional safety net if you like. The fact she won't allow you to share the same experiences speaks volumes and honestly at this point I personally would have walked by now.
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    There's many red flags here, but I'll try and remain neutral.

    Firstly, if you're both young it's only natural for you to want to explore other options. Heck, being young is THE time to explore your options, see what you like and dislike etc. The issue here is that you've entered into a relationship with the idea of exclusivity and now suddenly there's that idea it needs to change.

    Threesomes, open relationships etc are not all they are cracked up to be. I've heard it from many people that threesome's are awkward, expectations are unrealistic, and in general not worth the emotional roller-coaster afterwards. Same goes for open relationships. That isn't to say neither can be work or be fun, as I know others who have enjoyed such experiences, but it really does come down to the individuals and I honestly don't think you're some who would be able to handle such an experience.

    Sexual intimacy is far more enjoyable when you are with someone you care about deeply, IE Your girlfriend. She may find after exploring (should that happen) that things aren't as appealing as she thought, at which point she's lost the wonderful thing that is your relationship. On the other side of the coin, it may be that she needs to "get it out of her system" but she's even ready for a committed relationship.

    No one here can really tell you what to do, but I would definitely advise caution. It sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too; it sounds to be that she wants to be able to sleep around whilst using you as a backup, an emotional safety net if you like. The fact she won't allow you to share the same experiences speaks volumes and honestly at this point I personally would have walked by now.
    You make some really good points, I am aware of my naivety and I'm just struggling to grasp how to handle the situation as breaking up with her isn't really a option I like the sound of and I don't want to hold her back/make her resentful etc
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    I think in this case resentment is going to happen either way; either you try out the open relationship and you yourself become resentful of her experiences, or you don't try things out and she feels resentful for being restricted. Then there's the underlining issue of how much she is wanting to try this and how far she is willing to go for new sexual experiences.

    There's pros and cons, but the cons outweigh the pro's and there's a few red flags here. How you handle things is up to you.
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    I never really understood open relationships, but to each their own.



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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend is going through some "Finding herself" esc things right now. We've been together for a year now. I'am open to her exploring herself through other people(Male + Female) (kissing mainly), but not to the extent of sexually. She wants more than just kissing and I don't feel comfortable with it. I may be open to it if it was to be in the form of a threesome. However the thought of me being touched by and having sex with other people in any form (even with her there) upsets her.

    I want the best for her, I want her to 'grow' but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with her doing anything more than kissing other people. I'm somewhat anxious that she will end up getting to a stage where she can't control her actions (Ie Drunk) and having someone take advantage of her after being lead on with her kiss.

    My question is, What do I do? Has anyone been through this from either point of view? Am I being close minded?. I really don't Know *Sigh* I love her to bits. I just want her to not feel like she missed out on something or to resent me.
    To me it seems she is being selfish. First okay she would like to "Find herself" but doing that and being in a relationship is so much harder since you both are obviously going to want to be sexually active together and not with other people. If she really cared and took your feelings in to consideration why would she want it to be more than just kissing but won't allow you to do the same with others?

    Personally, I don't think "Open relationships" are good, There might be a build up of jealousy, more arguments it could make your relationship go down hill. If she would like to find herself allow her to do so but without dating you because in reality this relationship will hurt you. Now I'm not saying go and beak up with her no, Talk to her express your feelings and tell her you are not comfortable with it.

    See what she says... Sometimes its best to sit down and talk and I know you care for her so you want the best for her but also you need to think about yourself x
    Hope I helped.
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    Open relationships never work, by the sounds of it sounds like she just isn't ready to be tied down in a relationship.
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    hey what you are feeling is completely natural it is kind of selfish of her to expect you to be fine with it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She wants more than just kissing and I don't feel comfortable with it. I may be open to it if it was to be in the form of a threesome. However the thought of me being touched by and having sex with other people in any form (even with her there) upsets her.
    The basic problem is the double standard: she wants to do things that she doesn't want you to do. If the relationship is to last, at least one of you is going to have to compromise.

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Open relationships never work
    Utter crap.
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    (Original post by abc_123_)
    Personally, I don't think an open relationship would work because of the competition so maybe just talk about what bugs you with the situation if he loves you like you love her she'll understand.

    This

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend is going through some "Finding herself" esc things right now. We've been together for a year now. I'am open to her exploring herself through other people(Male + Female) (kissing mainly), but not to the extent of sexually. She wants more than just kissing and I don't feel comfortable with it. I may be open to it if it was to be in the form of a threesome. However the thought of me being touched by and having sex with other people in any form (even with her there) upsets her.

    I want the best for her, I want her to 'grow' but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with her doing anything more than kissing other people. I'm somewhat anxious that she will end up getting to a stage where she can't control her actions (Ie Drunk) and having someone take advantage of her after being lead on with her kiss.

    My question is, What do I do? Has anyone been through this from either point of view? Am I being close minded?. I really don't Know *Sigh* I love her to bits. I just want her to not feel like she missed out on something or to resent me.
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    First, I agree with the other posters in that I don't believe that open relationships are a good idea....that's just my opinion. But, what you are describing is not an open relationship it is a one way open relationship. It sounds like she is trying to take advantage of the fact that you apparently love her and will do whatever required to keep her. How is she going to 'find herself' - I hope you know the answer to that question because it is important. Are there any particular people she wants to be with (is already fancying) or will it be with a one night stand she picks up at a club. How comfortable are you going to be when she goes out with friends and you don't know whether she'll be making out with the friends or a stranger she's met along the way.... and you're sitting at home waiting for her. Does she want to tell you about it later? Some people want talk about their experience later with their official partner. Will you want to know?
    And to be honest the longer she explores the more likely it is that things will turn sexual (right?). If she is getting w/ strangers then later having sex with you you are at her mercy that there was protection used; but you are potentially at risk for being exposed to any STI. If she's not picking up strangers then she's potentially going to get w/ friends and that would lead to an emotional connection (beyond friendship). So the next question is how serious is she about this? Is it just talking or is she ready to follow through?
    An open relationship would never work for me. Generally an open relationship takes two people who are extremely secure in themselves and their relationship and, frankly, both partners practice being 'open' w/ others. I don't think a relationship could ever work if it was just one partner practicing the 'open" concept....unless the other just literally didn't care.
    You are trying to be the best, most understanding boyfriend and that is admirable. She sounds like she's taking advantage of that goodness. If there is any hope for your relationship to continue (no matter how much you love her) you are going to have to have a time where you sit down and have a long discussion about this. Before she ever starts 'finding herself' you need to set up your boundaries of what you are willing to put up with and set definitive expectations. If your boundry is no sex than expect 'no sex' and be willing to walk away if those boundaries are crossed and she is going to have to know you mean it! If you don't set boundaries then your relationship is already over because she will not have respect for you, is using you for a safety net, and will ultimately leave you. Sorry to sound harsh but I truly beleive that.
    Sorry for such a long post. You have a lot to consider. Good Luck!
 
 
 
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