I'm making more effort than him Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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I've been with my boyfriend for just over 7 months now and it's going well. However, he's 30 and hasn't been in a relationship for about 7 years and I'm 22 and I've been in long-term relationships, with about 6 months being single in between each time, since I was 15. So I'm used to being around my boyfriend, compromise, etc.

He's been by himself for so long he sometimes finds it difficult getting used to having a girlfriend. He's busy with work and volunteering and clubs most nights in the week, so we see each other about one or two days a week. We text or ring every few days.

However, I've been getting a bit insecure recently because it's been mostly me making the plans. So I still ring him a bit more than half the time and I normally arrange when we see each other. However, we have an awesome time whenever we're together and I know that he enjoys spending time with me.

I kept it bottled inside for ages then spoke to him about it, how it was making me feel insecure. He took it really well and said sorry and that he didn't realise, and that he just prefers it when I make plans because I have better ideas than him and he reassured me that he does enjoy spending time with me, and he said he'll act like it a bit more.

So my question! I am fine with organising seeing him because it means I can do it whenever it's convenient for me and I can plan a day or two in advance and stuff. But do you think this is good for me to do if we're all ok? Or do you think he might start taking advantage of this?

Or any other advice?
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picklescamp
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#2
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Sometimes people get complacent when the relationship loses its honeymoon period, especially men I find tend to find it easy to settle down into a routine, so he probably hasn't noticed anything wrong. But that's so normal in my experience and it just takes adjusting from one stage to the other. Make sure you're not letting him get too lazy and make it clear what you want to receive from him- in this case an equal effort. That way he won't take advantage. Maybe make a rule where he plans one date and you the next? That could be fun.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by picklescamp)
Make sure you're not letting him get too lazy and make it clear what you want to receive from him- in this case an equal effort. That way he won't take advantage. Maybe make a rule where he plans one date and you the next? That could be fun.
That sounds like a sensible option, but I'm worried that if it's down to him to organise every other date, it will rarely happen!

He's free about 2 evenings a week and I'm free about 5. So I have more free evenings than him so it feels like longer when I don't see him, although he's giving up 2 every 3 of his free evenings for me.
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Rock Fan
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Communication is the key, let him know it can't be just you making all the effort.
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picklescamp
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That sounds like a sensible option, but I'm worried that if it's down to him to organise every other date, it will rarely happen!

He's free about 2 evenings a week and I'm free about 5. So I have more free evenings than him so it feels like longer when I don't see him, although he's giving up 2 every 3 of his free evenings for me.
I mean me and my boyfriend are on a proper schedule cos we're ldr, but if you see eachother like twice a week isn't it fair to just take it in turns to organise? Make it clear he has to put 50/50 effort in?
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