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Parents :(

9

Sorry for ranting again.

My parents are making me go completely insane. They go mad at me for the smallest insignificant thing. I hate it because I was sent home to recover from illness and I'm not able to recover in this environment.

I had a major run in with them over a box of cereal about a week ago, then later that day they went mad at me for getting a stupidly small amount of water on the kitchen worksurface when I was about to wipe the mess. Ever since then, they have gone mad at me for every little thing. I feel as though they wish I was dead.

During my teenage years, I was never allowed to talk about the stuff that was bothering me. I could talk about exams, but only in a positive way. Anything else, such as the night I nearly died when I was 15, I couldn't even mention. More recently, I am not allowed to talk about my phobia or why I have that phobia. The day of the event that started it doesn't even exist as far as they are concerned. They, however, like talking about things that are affecting them (which are trivial in comparison to the event that caused my phobia) and they are obsessed with my future. I can't say that I don't believe I have a future because they will find out how bad I really feel and there will be yet another issue I am not allowed to mention.

Fear of my parents' reaction to my situation (on top of a lot of other problems) has led me in the past to do some really stupid things. I have, however, promised to my best friend that I will not repeat such actions.

I'm so mad about this situation. Sorry for ranting.

:mad:

Reply 1

Melancholy

20

Wanna hug? :smile:

Reply 2

sonicboooom

Ok mate, sounds like you've got some real issues there, i feel for you.
I should tell you, that ISN'T normal parent behaviour, you should be able to feel free to talk to your parents about anything you want, especially something as serious as you've mentioned. If you can't talk to your parents, make sure you have someone else to talk to, maybe a friend, teacher, or school counsellor.

Reply 3

Margerie Dawes

Yeah they're probably just getting fed up with your whining they care about your future because they care about you.

Reply 4

decoy

sonicboooom

Ok mate, sounds like you've got some real issues there, i feel for you.
I should tell you, that ISN'T normal parent behaviour, you should be able to feel free to talk to your parents about anything you want, especially something as serious as you've mentioned. If you can't talk to your parents, make sure you have someone else to talk to, maybe a friend, teacher, or school counsellor.

I agree with that.
You're coming to Keele aren't you?
We have good student support, maybe talk to them when you get here?

Reply 5

puppy

Maybe they don't want to talk about traumatic events because it's upsetting for them? You can't really force them to relive horrific events from your past just because you want to talk about it. I can understand it must be frustrating but you're not the only person that your behaviour affects.

As to not being able to recover, maybe you should try to find somewhere else you can go? Or just totally stay out of their way.

Reply 6

Jonquil

10

it sort of sounds like they are trying not to dwell on your past, and help you move on from the bad things that have happened to you.
They think they are helping by not talking about it maybe. As to having a go at you over little things...they sound like they have a lot of things stressing them out. im sure they dont want you dead!! you are their son.

probably try and stay out of their way, and also try to move on with your life. if they dont want to talk about whats happened you cant make them, just find someone else who you can talk to, like your best friend, and look into the future as your parents are trying to do.

Reply 7

sim2fresh

Yeah I agree with puppy..I know it must be annoying but maybe they are acting like this because they know everything you have been through. Your hardships have caused them to become caring to the point of annoyance perhaps...i dont know but i do think its best you talk to them about it or someone that can see the situation from the outside, not saying you are the problem but a RESPONSIBLE friend should be able to tell it to you straight.

dont worry. :wink:

Reply 8

randomgirl

14

Maybe they just don't know how to talk to you. Sad, but it does happen.

Reply 9

Llamaaa

15

Sorry, but you seem a little selfish. OK, you are depressed, sad, afraid and so forth. But your parents have feelings too. They had to see you nearly die. They see you depressed all the time. Of course they will want to avoid talking about it. You are probably making them depressed too. You have to understand that for some people it isn't so easy to talk about things like that, and they will encourage you to talk about happy things because they don't want you to seem upset all the time. You have to learn to consider other people's feelings too.

Not saying that you are like that mind, but that's just how you appear from your post.

Reply 10

C00kies

helenkr

Sorry, but you seem a little selfish. OK, you are depressed, sad, afraid and so forth. But your parents have feelings too. They had to see you nearly die. They see you depressed all the time. Of course they will want to avoid talking about it. You are probably making them depressed too. You have to understand that for some people it isn't so easy to talk about things like that, and they will encourage you to talk about happy things because they don't want you to seem upset all the time. You have to learn to consider other people's feelings too.

Not saying that you are like that mind, but that's just how you appear from your post.

Well how the F is she supposed to recover from the stress and possible Post Traumatic Stress Disorder she seems like she's suffering from. Whoar e you supposed to talk to and get help and support from if not your own family????

Reply 11

nursing_sue

2

Maybe you could try getting some counselling? You obviously can't talk to your parents about whatever's bugging you, but that won't make it go away. But a counsellor could help you work through it, and maybe you could even have a few family sessions so that they see their attitude isn't helping you.

Otherwise, try writing things down. It will help you get things straighter in your head and they'll make more sense.

Reply 12

Llamaaa

15

C00kies

Well how the F is she supposed to recover from the stress and possible Post Traumatic Stress Disorder she seems like she's suffering from. Whoar e you supposed to talk to and get help and support from if not your own family????

No need to be rude. I know it isn't easy, but it is better to seek professional help or even from a friend who hasn't had the same experience. If your parents have had the same traumatic experience, ie watch their child nearly die, it will be difficult for them to talk about it, and because of that they might not even be the best person to talk about it with.

The OP has the right idea that talking through it with complete strangers is a good idea. It's best to talk about these things with someone with a suitable distance from the actual event, otherwise in trying to help yourself you are probably harming others.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Yes someone suggested writing your feelings down
It really helps

Reply 14

Jonquil

10

i think you're going in the right direction by talking to us lot. feel free to tell us more if you need to, we're good listeners!

Reply 15

Fishfinger Sandwich

1

I think you need to talk to your parents about this. I'm not even talking about your issues. I'm talking about the current issue-you not been able to talk to your parents. You need to sit them down and tell them that you need them to be there for you, they are you parents afterall. If you have serious problems, they should be the first people that you talk to. Like someone else said, this isn't normal parental behaviour and I don't think that it is acceptable parental behaviour.
Yes, they may have their own issues, but even so, they should still be talking to you (perhaps even about their issues). You are a member of the family and as such you should be aware of any issues within the family.
You and your parents need to have a good long chat about all this and get it all straightened out. Not discussing the problems is just going to make them worse.

Hope this all works out for you. :smile:

Reply 16

ISH

9

Sounds to me like an "out of sight, out of mind" situation. As mentioned above, find someone to talk to, at school/uni maybe.

Reply 17

happydinosaur

15

Your parents probably find it very difficult to talk about. I was very seriously ill and nearly died during year 11 but have never talked about it with my parents. We just don't mention it ever even when we go to the hospital to see my doctors and stuff it all gets very glossed over. At the time because it didn't get mentioned at home I saw my GP and was referred to a special NHS mental health service for young people for some councelling. You should go and see your GP and ask for some help. Home is bound to very tense and of course your relationship with your parents will be affected. Seeing you so down and depressed will be affecting them, who knows what they are thinking.

Reply 18

DeepStar

17

Jonquil

i think you're going in the right direction by talking to us lot. feel free to tell us more if you need to, we're good listeners!

Agreed. Feel free to pm me anytime! :smile:

Reply 19

yellow96

15

Having read previous posts of yours, I guess you're annoyed at them overlooking and ignoring your problems because you're only recently admitting the extent of them to yourself. You said before that you've been lying to yourself about your feelings and you've confided in a friend, and they accepted what you told them. I think you have to ask yourself if you'd prefer an open relationship with your parents where issues get discussed and you have to face them day after day in the knowledge that they know things about you you've only recently been able to confide in a close friend, or if you'd prefer for the moment to put up with the fear of their reactions until you're comfortable enough with who you are and what you feel to make it common knowledge.

As for them over-reacting about the little things, I think it's fair to assume that all parents do that. It's probably getting to you more because you feel they should be giving you a break, but they can't know how much they're bothering you unless they know the full extent of how you're feeling. In all likeliness they can sense a degree of tension in you and it worries them. For some reason parents think the right thing to do to a stressed child is to shout at it. Believe me. All parents think this. I guess you're left with the choice of being more open with them, perhaps seeking counselling with their knowledge so that they understand that there's more to what you're feeling but they won't have to openly discuss it with you; this may also relieve the tension at home a bit as they'll see you doing something constructive. Or you could continue to do whatever you've been doing up until now that's been working for you, and maybe accept that your parents will be insensitive and aggressive no matter what.

Parents :(

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