Perfectionism has been a crux all throughout my life. And now, less than a week before my GCSEs, it's finally taken its toll on me and I'm just fed up; I simply don't care any more.
I was working 7 hours a day on weekdays and 13 hours a day on weekends in preparation for the exams. Though this 'preparation' for the exams has largely constituted very pretty, detailed flash cards; I haven't actually attempted to attribute any of it to memory; I was just too concerned with how 'perfect' everything looked. It's only now that I've realised I've screwed up and that has made me only more miserable. I literally can't move or think clearly because I'm so depressed. This is made even worse by the fact I'm predicted A*s in most subjects and I simply can't come to terms with the fact that my nearly perfect coursework portfolio and consistently strong test performance will all be for nothing. My teachers - who hold me in such high regard - will probably be genuinely shocked by how terribly I'm going to do.
That's probably the worst part: the burden of expectations from friends, family and the school are sickeningly oppressive.
In some ways, I'm glad that the exams have put a stop to my unsustainable work habits. Everything I've ever aspired to: Cambridge uni and being a barrister are all collapsing away into nothing and I'm absolutely terrified about what's going to happen.
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Last edited by Deyesy; 15-05-2016 at 20:36.
- 12-05-2016 10:23
- 12-05-2016 12:21
You freaked out, worked too hard and burned out. Working 13 hours a day can do that to you. It happens, and it happens to a lot of people. Just look around this website, every other day there's someone starting a thread because "**** i cant remember anything its all gone im going to fail!" but come on, have some self awareness. Stop worrying about how disappointed everyone else will be because a) they aren't sitting the exam and b) you're not going to disappoint them.
Look at your coursework grades, they're already an A*. That means less pressure. Look at your mock grades, compare how much you revised for your mock with how much you've already revised for the real thing. Fun fact, the amount you were working was actually against EU law. Actually you were 16 hours over the limit. Does that put things into perspective for you?
Things aren't over yet. You haven't even sat the exam yet and you're already writing yourself off? What happened to the determination that let you work for 13 hours straight? You need some balance, and granted you haven't got it yet but it will come eventually. You haven't actually done anything wrong. This is all in your head and that means you can fix it.
Take a day off. Stop being a revision hermit and go do something fun. Just chill.