Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi there

    Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years both mid 20s and whilst all our friends are moving in together and progressing in their relationships, instead we only see eachother once a week due to his work shifts and we are miles off moving in together. Is this normal? I feel like we are going backwards despite being together longer than all our friend couples and it's making me resent his job and feel unhappy.

    Thanks
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    talk to him about it, there'll always be a way around the situation if he's committed to you, maybe he can switch days or something to see you more? Then you'll be able to see each other more and up the relationship, if you want to move in with him just move to his and you'll see him whenever he's not at work
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Toby007)
    talk to him about it, there'll always be a way around the situation if he's committed to you, maybe he can switch days or something to see you more? Then you'll be able to see each other more and up the relationship, if you want to move in with him just move to his and you'll see him whenever he's not at work
    already have and he says he cant change the times or days he works. making me feel not worth the time
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Where's he working? there's 144 hours in a week and he's only doing 39 tops
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Toby007)
    Where's he working? there's 144 hours in a week and he's only doing 39 tops
    he gets 2 days off obviously but works about 55-60 hours a week
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    wow that's heavy...
    I think the important thing to do is not pay attention to other people's relationships because everyone moves at different paces, I mean there's a couple on Britain's got Talent that got married three days after meeting!!
    If you're both willing to work through it and love each other then it'll work out, it's just about getting to the next step and if you get to the moving in stage then this won't even be a problem for you
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like a very familiar situation that i know of. If you're feeling this way, the best thing is to talk about it with your boyfriend and find out where you both stand.

    Do you want to move in with your boyfriend? Do you want things to go further? Or are you afraid yourself of moving in because of how little frequency you're both seeing each other? Also have you always seen each other once a week or has it recently changed due to the work situation?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    It's not a race, slow down and enjoy it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by DanielleT192)
    Sounds like a very familiar situation that i know of. If you're feeling this way, the best thing is to talk about it with your boyfriend and find out where you both stand.

    Do you want to move in with your boyfriend? Do you want things to go further? Or are you afraid yourself of moving in because of how little frequency you're both seeing each other? Also have you always seen each other once a week or has it recently changed due to the work situation?
    changed as we used to see eachother everyday and yes dont want to move in if i will barely see him
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    already have and he says he cant change the times or days he works. making me feel not worth the time
    If its working for you both, then its fine. If its not working for you then you need to sit down and talk about what might happen in future and any changes you can make.

    Do you feel you arent progressing because you havent moved in? How is your relationship otherwise? Will you be wanting to settle down and have a family?

    I mention this because five years is a reasonable amount of time to invest and if its not going to give you what you want then you need to look at it instead of treading water. This has happened to quite a few people I have known as well as them suddenly splitting after investing a long time..

    Ok its the DM and its just a poll on average time to proposal is 3 years. Take it with a pinch of salt, but be wary of investing importnat years in someone you arent convinced will lead you where you wnat to go.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...s-earlier.html
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi there

    Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years both mid 20s and whilst all our friends are moving in together and progressing in their relationships, instead we only see eachother once a week due to his work shifts and we are miles off moving in together. Is this normal? I feel like we are going backwards despite being together longer than all our friend couples and it's making me resent his job and feel unhappy.

    Thanks
    JUST TO ADD
    we are also long distance
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Well tbf going from seeing each other every day to once a week is understandably very different from one another and can change the way you feel about progressing. I bet when you were seeing each other every day it would've made more sense to move in.

    Frankly, the situation has changed and maybe your boyfriend is right in saying he can't change the shifts. I honestly don't know but if you're not feeing happy, then you're best talking to him about it and seeing whether it will work out.

    I wouldn't be concerned with your boyfriend not wanting to see you as 56+ hours/week is excessive and long distance makes it harder as well but it's just whether you're happy with the situation. Also please don't compare yourself. People progress at different points.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    It's a hard situation for you and probably for your BF too. I'm sorry for that.

    I'm in Greece at the moment and most people your age are long-term unemployed and having to live with their parents to get by. The richer and more educated ones go abroad and get jobs. You can imagine how difficult it is for relationships to progress to marriage/children etc in many cases. A lot of the young men don't even aspire to it now.

    What are your BF's goals/dreams for the future? Are you on the same page?
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    already have and he says he cant change the times or days he works. making me feel not worth the time
    Would it not be more of an issue if he didn't have a job, though? I'm not meaning to sound judgmental here, but plenty of women would write off a guy for being unemployed and/or would be sick dating someone with no job. At the end of the day, this guy is working hard to sustain himself (and possibly you, I don't know), so is that not at least in small testament to how good of a guy you've got?

    At the end of the day I don't know your financial/working situation, but it seems to me as if he's doing what he should be doing. YES, I agree it's disappointing if he cannot make time for you, but have you ever considered he would love to do so? You're not in your teens anymore, other things take priority and even though you may be in a relationship together, there's this thing called life that will constantly get in your way. It doesn't matter what your friends are doing, so long as you are happy with the man that you are with. The situation will change, given time, but it's up to you to remain patient.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 12, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.