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    I found out today that my ex who I cut contact with 5 months ago made a disgusting and completely slanderous post about me on tumblr in which she claimed to be a "survivor of abuse".

    I am a 20 year old man, she is a few months younger than me.
    People handle break ups differently I get that, some people vent their anger and decide to hate their ex because they cant deal with being dumped, but i never would have expected such disgusting and quite frankly terrifying slander. Her accusations were not only untrue but quite frightening, a friend pointed out to me today that such a post could even endager my future professionally.

    She didn't use my real name in the blog post but included deeply personal details and information about our relationship. It has been 5 months since I cut contact with her, she honestly hasn't even crossed my mind in that long as I moved on with my own life a long time ago but she obviously hasn't moved on if she made a post like that. I was so shocked when I was contacted by a mutual friend who still followed her blog when she made the post because it was so defamatory.

    Her actual blog includes her real name and information so though she used fake names in the post, anyone who knows her blog would by default know who she was referring to.

    She said things like she had endured abuse for 4 years by my hand and implied that I had taken advantage of her sexually. I had a friend read the post and even my friend pointed out that the post was so full of contradiction it was easy to tell the lies. She claimed to be a 'survivor' yet not one single point or evidence in the things she wrote pointed to ever having being mistreated or actually abused. For example in one part she writes about how she would call me on skype and I wouldn't want to talk to her and we would sit in silence and used this as one of her illustrations of the "emotional abuse" she suffered.
    Things which are normally just considered ups and downs of any relationship such as losing feelings were presented as me emotionally abusing her.

    This is someone I did everything for, I stayed with her even when it affected my mental health, i was there when she was self harming, i supported her showed her love beyond anything i'v ever shown anyone. This is someone who I eventually had to break up with because her behaviour was so toxic i could no longer love her.

    We were together for 4 years. Like every relationship we had ups and downs but we never "fought" in any physical or verbal way ("fighting" consisted of just not speaking for a few hours until we were ready to reconcile) I let her control me and treat me horribly.

    My friend suggested she is using her status as a female to play a victim and paint me as an abuser since I am male. I truly can't understand why she would slander me this way, I take these accusations very seriously and I'm even debating whether or not to tell my family because I know that my parents might want to take legal action.

    I just cannot believe the things I read. As well as the slander, calling herself a survivor of abuse (despite not being to even give one piece of evidence or an example in her entire essay), she wrote down so many private pieces of information about our relationship, sex life etc Contradicting and exposing herself multiple times throughout the post. for example she acknowledges that I "did not have a libido that matched hers" (she always wanted to have sex and i simply couldn't keep up) yet still claims that I took advantage of her sexually.

    In one example she writes that "one time we tried something sexually that we'd never done before and afterwards he was angry and acted aggressively and resentful towards me when I told him I hadn't enjoyed it"

    This is one of the more shocking things she wrote. In reality, she had pressured me to try something with her that I was seriously uncomfortable doing, but she wanted it so badly that I agreed, throughout I kept asking her if we should stop and if it was okay etc I really was uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but she kept insisting that she loved it and didn't want to stop and then informed afterwards that she'd only pretended to like it for my sake, which made me quite upset because I had felt pressured and hadn't even wanted to do it ("it" being anal btw) in the blooming first place! But i never acted aggressively, I have never been an aggresive person, i told her what she had done wasn't okay and that her dishonesty had really upset me and i left the room.

    I'm upset, angry and still in a state of shock at the things I read. Its been suggested that her behaviour in all the time i knew her was very similar to munchausen syndrome, I never thought that she would actually fabricate something so disgusting in order to paint herself as a survivor. I'm truly disgusted.

    I have not (and will not) contacted her, i have no interest in interacting with her in any way. At this stage I just want to know how seriously I need to take this because if there is a chance this sort of slander could be a risk to me in the future I want to know if I need to escalate the matter.
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    Ignore her.

    When my ex broke up with me, she did the exact same thing; she made an online post on a forum which identified me as an abuser without providing a shred of evidence to back up her claims. At the time we were still somewhat in contact, and when pressed further for information she made a lot of statements that were contradictory and/or highly exaggerated. I remember her providing me a link to one of these websites listing symptoms of emotional abuse, and how I ticked off most of them; the ironic thing was, it was in fact she who had exhibited those signs throughout the course of the relationship. I remember one of these signs were "threatening to commit suicide", something I never once did during the entire course of our relationship but something she had mentioned on more than one occasion when discussing if we were to ever break up. The crux of it all was, I'm of firm belief that she had emotionally cheated on me (that in itself a form of abuse, I think), and that the accusations made against me were an attempt to hide the truth. Regardless, what she said hurt me a great deal and I ended up having a mental breakdown and being in therapy for the good part of six months as a result.

    Unfortunately the law is not really on our side when it comes to this issue. You can take legal action as defamation of character, however not only do you have to prove these statements were made without a doubt aimed at yourself and are untrue, but you also have to prove if it has had any negative effect on your life (eg. job loss etc). At the end of the day I suggest keeping no contact and moving on with your life; as I found, the people who actually know you are the ones who will be the first to point out that she is lying and you are not the person she's painting a picture of. I almost cried a few months back when a guy I hardly knew, whilst talking about ex relationships, turned around to me and said that there was no way in a million years I'd have abused someone.

    This will hurt, my friend. It will hurt a great deal. It will take a long time to forget. These accusations still haunt me a year later. Yet, if you keep moving forward and your head held high, you'll be smiling again in the end.
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    Sounds like an attention seeking tactic looking for a reaction.

    Don't acknowledge or give her the time of day. It's a tumblr (?) post soon to be forgotten about.
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    Escalate to who? I wouldn't seek to waste anyone else's time with a typical bit of post break up bitterness and angst. Just forget it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I found out today that my ex who I cut contact with 5 months ago made a disgusting and completely slanderous post about me on tumblr in which she claimed to be a "survivor of abuse".

    I am a 20 year old man, she is a few months younger than me.
    People handle break ups differently I get that, some people vent their anger and decide to hate their ex because they cant deal with being dumped, but i never would have expected such disgusting and quite frankly terrifying slander. Her accusations were not only untrue but quite frightening, a friend pointed out to me today that such a post could even endager my future professionally.

    She didn't use my real name in the blog post but included deeply personal details and information about our relationship. It has been 5 months since I cut contact with her, she honestly hasn't even crossed my mind in that long as I moved on with my own life a long time ago but she obviously hasn't moved on if she made a post like that. I was so shocked when I was contacted by a mutual friend who still followed her blog when she made the post because it was so defamatory.

    Her actual blog includes her real name and information so though she used fake names in the post, anyone who knows her blog would by default know who she was referring to.

    She said things like she had endured abuse for 4 years by my hand and implied that I had taken advantage of her sexually. I had a friend read the post and even my friend pointed out that the post was so full of contradiction it was easy to tell the lies. She claimed to be a 'survivor' yet not one single point or evidence in the things she wrote pointed to ever having being mistreated or actually abused. For example in one part she writes about how she would call me on skype and I wouldn't want to talk to her and we would sit in silence and used this as one of her illustrations of the "emotional abuse" she suffered.
    Things which are normally just considered ups and downs of any relationship such as losing feelings were presented as me emotionally abusing her.

    This is someone I did everything for, I stayed with her even when it affected my mental health, i was there when she was self harming, i supported her showed her love beyond anything i'v ever shown anyone. This is someone who I eventually had to break up with because her behaviour was so toxic i could no longer love her.

    We were together for 4 years. Like every relationship we had ups and downs but we never "fought" in any physical or verbal way ("fighting" consisted of just not speaking for a few hours until we were ready to reconcile) I let her control me and treat me horribly.

    My friend suggested she is using her status as a female to play a victim and paint me as an abuser since I am male. I truly can't understand why she would slander me this way, I take these accusations very seriously and I'm even debating whether or not to tell my family because I know that my parents might want to take legal action.

    I just cannot believe the things I read. As well as the slander, calling herself a survivor of abuse (despite not being to even give one piece of evidence or an example in her entire essay), she wrote down so many private pieces of information about our relationship, sex life etc Contradicting and exposing herself multiple times throughout the post. for example she acknowledges that I "did not have a libido that matched hers" (she always wanted to have sex and i simply couldn't keep up) yet still claims that I took advantage of her sexually.

    In one example she writes that "one time we tried something sexually that we'd never done before and afterwards he was angry and acted aggressively and resentful towards me when I told him I hadn't enjoyed it"

    This is one of the more shocking things she wrote. In reality, she had pressured me to try something with her that I was seriously uncomfortable doing, but she wanted it so badly that I agreed, throughout I kept asking her if we should stop and if it was okay etc I really was uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but she kept insisting that she loved it and didn't want to stop and then informed afterwards that she'd only pretended to like it for my sake, which made me quite upset because I had felt pressured and hadn't even wanted to do it ("it" being anal btw) in the blooming first place! But i never acted aggressively, I have never been an aggresive person, i told her what she had done wasn't okay and that her dishonesty had really upset me and i left the room.

    I'm upset, angry and still in a state of shock at the things I read. Its been suggested that her behaviour in all the time i knew her was very similar to munchausen syndrome, I never thought that she would actually fabricate something so disgusting in order to paint herself as a survivor. I'm truly disgusted.

    I have not (and will not) contacted her, i have no interest in interacting with her in any way. At this stage I just want to know how seriously I need to take this because if there is a chance this sort of slander could be a risk to me in the future I want to know if I need to escalate the matter.
    slander = spoken word
    libel = written word

    both are legal terms meaning defamation of character.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I found out today that my ex who I cut contact with 5 months ago made a disgusting and completely slanderous post about me on tumblr in which she claimed to be a "survivor of abuse".

    I am a 20 year old man, she is a few months younger than me.
    People handle break ups differently I get that, some people vent their anger and decide to hate their ex because they cant deal with being dumped, but i never would have expected such disgusting and quite frankly terrifying slander. Her accusations were not only untrue but quite frightening, a friend pointed out to me today that such a post could even endager my future professionally.

    She didn't use my real name in the blog post but included deeply personal details and information about our relationship. It has been 5 months since I cut contact with her, she honestly hasn't even crossed my mind in that long as I moved on with my own life a long time ago but she obviously hasn't moved on if she made a post like that. I was so shocked when I was contacted by a mutual friend who still followed her blog when she made the post because it was so defamatory.

    Her actual blog includes her real name and information so though she used fake names in the post, anyone who knows her blog would by default know who she was referring to.

    She said things like she had endured abuse for 4 years by my hand and implied that I had taken advantage of her sexually. I had a friend read the post and even my friend pointed out that the post was so full of contradiction it was easy to tell the lies. She claimed to be a 'survivor' yet not one single point or evidence in the things she wrote pointed to ever having being mistreated or actually abused. For example in one part she writes about how she would call me on skype and I wouldn't want to talk to her and we would sit in silence and used this as one of her illustrations of the "emotional abuse" she suffered.
    Things which are normally just considered ups and downs of any relationship such as losing feelings were presented as me emotionally abusing her.

    This is someone I did everything for, I stayed with her even when it affected my mental health, i was there when she was self harming, i supported her showed her love beyond anything i'v ever shown anyone. This is someone who I eventually had to break up with because her behaviour was so toxic i could no longer love her.

    We were together for 4 years. Like every relationship we had ups and downs but we never "fought" in any physical or verbal way ("fighting" consisted of just not speaking for a few hours until we were ready to reconcile) I let her control me and treat me horribly.

    My friend suggested she is using her status as a female to play a victim and paint me as an abuser since I am male. I truly can't understand why she would slander me this way, I take these accusations very seriously and I'm even debating whether or not to tell my family because I know that my parents might want to take legal action.

    I just cannot believe the things I read. As well as the slander, calling herself a survivor of abuse (despite not being to even give one piece of evidence or an example in her entire essay), she wrote down so many private pieces of information about our relationship, sex life etc Contradicting and exposing herself multiple times throughout the post. for example she acknowledges that I "did not have a libido that matched hers" (she always wanted to have sex and i simply couldn't keep up) yet still claims that I took advantage of her sexually.

    In one example she writes that "one time we tried something sexually that we'd never done before and afterwards he was angry and acted aggressively and resentful towards me when I told him I hadn't enjoyed it"

    This is one of the more shocking things she wrote. In reality, she had pressured me to try something with her that I was seriously uncomfortable doing, but she wanted it so badly that I agreed, throughout I kept asking her if we should stop and if it was okay etc I really was uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but she kept insisting that she loved it and didn't want to stop and then informed afterwards that she'd only pretended to like it for my sake, which made me quite upset because I had felt pressured and hadn't even wanted to do it ("it" being anal btw) in the blooming first place! But i never acted aggressively, I have never been an aggresive person, i told her what she had done wasn't okay and that her dishonesty had really upset me and i left the room.

    I'm upset, angry and still in a state of shock at the things I read. Its been suggested that her behaviour in all the time i knew her was very similar to munchausen syndrome, I never thought that she would actually fabricate something so disgusting in order to paint herself as a survivor. I'm truly disgusted.

    I have not (and will not) contacted her, i have no interest in interacting with her in any way. At this stage I just want to know how seriously I need to take this because if there is a chance this sort of slander could be a risk to me in the future I want to know if I need to escalate the matter.
    I know this is very painful and unfair. It's totally reasonable for you to be having these thoughts and feelings.

    But they aren't helpful in deciding what, if anything, you should do about the situation.

    You need to express yourself fully to people you can trust who will support you. Get it all out of your system and you will feel better- not completely relieved, but better.

    Longer term, the better way forward is to take 'the high road' and not get embroiled with this person and her statements any further. Engaging with her runs a great risk of 'fuelling the fire'; it could, after all, be a lot worse- think 'bunny boiler'!

    Legal proceedings? Most unwise, even if you have the cash and the time to start them. Even if you have the evidence for an arguable claim, there is a world of difference between that and a. proving the claim in Court, b.'winning' the case but ending up with a 'pyrrhic victory'.

    I invite you to try to take the view that she is disturbed or feeling vindictive as a result of a painful break-up and unfortunately some of that wreckage is falling on you. It will pass.

    Best of luck.
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    as long as there are no actual legal proceedings/court cases there is no reason to worry about this online garbage.

    in a few years hopefully you will have got over this disturbed woman and found a genuine person to share your life with.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I found out today that my ex who I cut contact with 5 months ago made a disgusting and completely slanderous post about me on tumblr in which she claimed to be a "survivor of abuse".

    I am a 20 year old man, she is a few months younger than me.
    People handle break ups differently I get that, some people vent their anger and decide to hate their ex because they cant deal with being dumped, but i never would have expected such disgusting and quite frankly terrifying slander. Her accusations were not only untrue but quite frightening, a friend pointed out to me today that such a post could even endager my future professionally.

    She didn't use my real name in the blog post but included deeply personal details and information about our relationship. It has been 5 months since I cut contact with her, she honestly hasn't even crossed my mind in that long as I moved on with my own life a long time ago but she obviously hasn't moved on if she made a post like that. I was so shocked when I was contacted by a mutual friend who still followed her blog when she made the post because it was so defamatory.

    Her actual blog includes her real name and information so though she used fake names in the post, anyone who knows her blog would by default know who she was referring to.

    She said things like she had endured abuse for 4 years by my hand and implied that I had taken advantage of her sexually. I had a friend read the post and even my friend pointed out that the post was so full of contradiction it was easy to tell the lies. She claimed to be a 'survivor' yet not one single point or evidence in the things she wrote pointed to ever having being mistreated or actually abused. For example in one part she writes about how she would call me on skype and I wouldn't want to talk to her and we would sit in silence and used this as one of her illustrations of the "emotional abuse" she suffered.
    Things which are normally just considered ups and downs of any relationship such as losing feelings were presented as me emotionally abusing her.

    This is someone I did everything for, I stayed with her even when it affected my mental health, i was there when she was self harming, i supported her showed her love beyond anything i'v ever shown anyone. This is someone who I eventually had to break up with because her behaviour was so toxic i could no longer love her.

    We were together for 4 years. Like every relationship we had ups and downs but we never "fought" in any physical or verbal way ("fighting" consisted of just not speaking for a few hours until we were ready to reconcile) I let her control me and treat me horribly.

    My friend suggested she is using her status as a female to play a victim and paint me as an abuser since I am male. I truly can't understand why she would slander me this way, I take these accusations very seriously and I'm even debating whether or not to tell my family because I know that my parents might want to take legal action.

    I just cannot believe the things I read. As well as the slander, calling herself a survivor of abuse (despite not being to even give one piece of evidence or an example in her entire essay), she wrote down so many private pieces of information about our relationship, sex life etc Contradicting and exposing herself multiple times throughout the post. for example she acknowledges that I "did not have a libido that matched hers" (she always wanted to have sex and i simply couldn't keep up) yet still claims that I took advantage of her sexually.

    In one example she writes that "one time we tried something sexually that we'd never done before and afterwards he was angry and acted aggressively and resentful towards me when I told him I hadn't enjoyed it"

    This is one of the more shocking things she wrote. In reality, she had pressured me to try something with her that I was seriously uncomfortable doing, but she wanted it so badly that I agreed, throughout I kept asking her if we should stop and if it was okay etc I really was uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but she kept insisting that she loved it and didn't want to stop and then informed afterwards that she'd only pretended to like it for my sake, which made me quite upset because I had felt pressured and hadn't even wanted to do it ("it" being anal btw) in the blooming first place! But i never acted aggressively, I have never been an aggresive person, i told her what she had done wasn't okay and that her dishonesty had really upset me and i left the room.

    I'm upset, angry and still in a state of shock at the things I read. Its been suggested that her behaviour in all the time i knew her was very similar to munchausen syndrome, I never thought that she would actually fabricate something so disgusting in order to paint herself as a survivor. I'm truly disgusted.

    I have not (and will not) contacted her, i have no interest in interacting with her in any way. At this stage I just want to know how seriously I need to take this because if there is a chance this sort of slander could be a risk to me in the future I want to know if I need to escalate the matter.
    Dude, you do realise that she actually raped you, right?

    She pressured you into having sex with her. Albeit anal sex, it was still non-consensual sex, which is rape. And as the sexual act counts as a form of sex itself, it's not just sexual assault, it's actually rape. You clearly and continuously attempted to withdraw your consent, but she told you to continue against your will. So yeah, she actually raped you. And yes, men can be, and often are, raped as well. Which I am very sorry to hear about and tell you.

    I'm also very sorry that she is gaslighting her followers. It sounds to me like she actually emotionally abused you. With the "controlling" and "toxic" behaviours that you report. Damn, she sounds like the emotionally and sexually abusive one, not you :/ And now that you aren't together anymore, she's manipulating her followers through gaslighting to slander and vilify you to justify what she put you through. What a *****.

    I wish there was something that I could say or do for you. All I can do is offer my support for you man.
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    (Original post by the bear)
    as long as there are no actual legal proceedings/court cases there is no reason to worry about this online garbage.

    in a few years hopefully you will have got over this disturbed woman and found a genuine person to share your life with.
    This.

    (Original post by Rainbow Student)
    It sounds to me like she actually emotionally abused you. With the "controlling" and "toxic" behaviours that you report. Damn, she sounds like the emotionally and sexually abusive one, not you :/ And now that you aren't together anymore, she's manipulating her followers through gaslighting to slander and vilify you to justify what she put you through. What a *****.
    This. In fact when I was in therapy it was heavily implied that my ex was the one who abused me.

    At the end of the day, these type of girls aren't worth our time and energy. Let them be disturbed and live their hateful existence.
 
 
 
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