Nearly 21 (female): Never kissed, held hands with a guy or had a boyfriend.

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    Attachment 531085It would be great to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation, as in "real-life" I don't know anyone.
    Its currently making me feel really upset/down that I've never been able to attract anyone at the age of 21. It makes me feel undesirable, unattractive etc...
    I'm currently undertaking therapy with a psychotherapist to discuss low self-esteem and lack of confidence in this area of life, but I'm not sure its helping as the advice/tips she offers require me to have some level of confidence, which quite frankly, I don't have right now.
    I'm really happy in other areas of life- Got a lovely family, some great supportive friends and I do well in academia. Its just this lack of relationship experience which is making me feel terrible.
    I don't have the most active social life with people around my age, but I do often make the effort to go clubbing, out drinking in bars- which I do enjoy. I suppose I socialise with friends more in the daytime- meals out, day trips, theme parks etc... Where, ultimately, its unlikely I'll meet any potential friends/love interests. I feel I come across as aloof or stuck up when I'm not-I'm just really shy!

    I guess I'm coming to a point in life now where this lack of experience, and I suppose validation from men is beginning to really hurt and make me feel very undesirable. From 16-20 the issue never crossed my mind but now I feel like I could be ready, I have no confidence to push forward and pursue. Ultimately, I feel stuck and that relationships are a part of life unavailable to me.

    I've uploaded a picture as it may be important.

    Any advice/experiences would be great-thanks! X
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Attachment 531085It would be great to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation, as in "real-life" I don't know anyone.
    Its currently making me feel really upset/down that I've never been able to attract anyone at the age of 21. It makes me feel undesirable, unattractive etc...
    I'm currently undertaking therapy with a psychotherapist to discuss low self-esteem and lack of confidence in this area of life, but I'm not sure its helping as the advice/tips she offers require me to have some level of confidence, which quite frankly, I don't have right now.
    I'm really happy in other areas of life- Got a lovely family, some great supportive friends and I do well in academia. Its just this lack of relationship experience which is making me feel terrible.
    I don't have the most active social life with people around my age, but I do often make the effort to go clubbing, out drinking in bars- which I do enjoy. I suppose I socialise with friends more in the daytime- meals out, day trips, theme parks etc... Where, ultimately, its unlikely I'll meet any potential friends/love interests. I feel I come across as aloof or stuck up when I'm not-I'm just really shy!

    I guess I'm coming to a point in life now where this lack of experience, and I suppose validation from men is beginning to really hurt and make me feel very undesirable. From 16-20 the issue never crossed my mind but now I feel like I could be ready, I have no confidence to push forward and pursue. Ultimately, I feel stuck and that relationships are a part of life unavailable to me.

    I've uploaded a picture as it may be important.

    Any advice/experiences would be great-thanks! X
    Can't see your picture.

    I was twenty-two before I got any interest reciprocated. It's just one of those things, some of us start later than others. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, except your confidence; once I decided to just go "**** it" I started getting more women showing interest in me.
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    Yeah I can't see your picture either.

    Some of us bloom later than others. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you. If you want a bit of experience, I suggest online dating; even if you don't find anyone to have a relationship with, you can still have a few dates and get a bit more experience under your belt. You seem to live a good life with a lot going for you, so it probably is best to make the most of things whilst solo. I can't want to offer standard advice such as "Love will come when you least expect it", but take it from me; you don't want to be worrying too much about it.

    PM me if you want. I might be able to gauge more about your character based on conversation. Send a pic too if you wish.

    (Original post by Tootles)
    Can't see your picture.

    I was twenty-two before I got any interest reciprocated. It's just one of those things, some of us start later than others. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, except your confidence; once I decided to just go "**** it" I started getting more women showing interest in me.
    PM me about your experiences, please? You may have read some of my threads, so it would be interesting to have perspective from someone in a similar situation to me. I'd be curious to know how you go about just being carefree about things.
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    PM me about your experiences, please? You may have read some of my threads, so it would be interesting to have perspective from someone in a similar situation to me. I'd be curious to know how you go about just being carefree about things.
    There's nothing really to tell - I just learned to let go of my self-consiousness and talk to women. This is years ago now, and all i can say is it'll happen when it happens, and then you'll wonder how you ever managed not to just bust a move.
    #2

    I just turned 21 and same as you. But I don't really care. I don't believe in this dating thing, and if I am going to be in a relationship then I want it to be a serious relationship. I'm not ready for a serious relationship, so probably going to stay single, because I have other things to do in life.
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    You've never had any interest? Then you've just not met the right person yet.

    To my knowledge there's one girl who had a crush on my in secondary school. In hindsight I was too dense to actually do anything about it.

    My first GF was at 18. It didn't last that long and nothing really happened. That's literally it.

    Maybe I'm still too dense but I've not had any interest whatsoever since. For a while I felt kinda desperate (although part of that relates to my situation and friends at the time). But then I realised not only is that a huge turn off but it's not some sort of race. There's no reason to worry if you've not been in a relationship.

    You're also doing better than me, going out clubbing and too bars (which I cannot stand). You've got more chance of meeting someone like that.

    You say that lack of validation makes you feel bad? Why do you want validation? Attention from guys doesn't validate you. I look at loads of girls, think shes cute, or she has a nice personality or whatever and just assume that they'd be in a relationship and don't bother pursuing it. Not that I'm interested in a relationship right now anyway.

    Being shy doesn't help. Guys are shy too. If you aren't willing to approach them and they won't approach you then nobody gets anywhere. Make the first move. Date around. Try online dating sites. It gets easier with experience.

    And as others have said, photo does not work. But even without it I can be sure there's someone for you.
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    (Original post by Smoke Rings)
    wahhh I'm single and never approached a person - losers of the STR

    Get over yourself, nobody cares about your insipid therapy and mental 'illness' that are used to fuel your narcissism.
    As much as I approve of the tough love approach sometimes you have no right to belittle someone.

    People who are shy or have low self confidence are not helped by idiots like you offending them. So please GTFO.
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    So I see we have some redpill imbeciles here..
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    (Original post by Smoke Rings)

    -goes clubbing, so a trashy ****
    Lolololololololololololololol

    *sigh*

    Absolutes make you look like an idiot.
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    If you're after a confident guy, just go to a bar and look pretty
    If you're after a shy guy, you're going to have to go to him first
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    (Original post by Smoke Rings)
    wahhh I'm single and never approached a person - losers of the STR

    Get over yourself, nobody cares about your insipid therapy and mental 'illness' that are used to fuel your narcissism.
    you're savage
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Attachment 531085It would be great to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation, as in "real-life" I don't know anyone.
    Its currently making me feel really upset/down that I've never been able to attract anyone at the age of 21. It makes me feel undesirable, unattractive etc...
    I'm currently undertaking therapy with a psychotherapist to discuss low self-esteem and lack of confidence in this area of life, but I'm not sure its helping as the advice/tips she offers require me to have some level of confidence, which quite frankly, I don't have right now.
    I'm really happy in other areas of life- Got a lovely family, some great supportive friends and I do well in academia. Its just this lack of relationship experience which is making me feel terrible.
    I don't have the most active social life with people around my age, but I do often make the effort to go clubbing, out drinking in bars- which I do enjoy. I suppose I socialise with friends more in the daytime- meals out, day trips, theme parks etc... Where, ultimately, its unlikely I'll meet any potential friends/love interests. I feel I come across as aloof or stuck up when I'm not-I'm just really shy!

    I guess I'm coming to a point in life now where this lack of experience, and I suppose validation from men is beginning to really hurt and make me feel very undesirable. From 16-20 the issue never crossed my mind but now I feel like I could be ready, I have no confidence to push forward and pursue. Ultimately, I feel stuck and that relationships are a part of life unavailable to me.

    I've uploaded a picture as it may be important.

    Any advice/experiences would be great-thanks! X
    I'm really curious as to what the picture is, I can't be the only one who wants to know
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    Lolololololololololololololol

    *sigh*

    Absolutes make you look like an idiot.
    It's true, after all I met your mum in a club
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    There's nothing really to tell - I just learned to let go of my self-consiousness and talk to women. This is years ago now, and all i can say is it'll happen when it happens, and then you'll wonder how you ever managed not to just bust a move.
    I'm doomed!!!
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    (Original post by Smoke Rings)
    It's true, after all I met your mum in a club
    Oh come on. I know this is a site for students. But at least try not to sound like you're 12 years old.
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    You can't use attachments on anon , make a random account and repost thread.
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    I just turned 32. I believe in being with the one or no-one. I believed in that since as long as I can remember. Not just virginity, also lip kissing. It is my proudest and hardest achievement by a long way. I've got a great career (3 degrees and studying for another one and youngest boss in my field) and have been told I'm very attractive (by girls who I also find very attractive) but keep my distance. It is a lonely and sadly undervalued place to be. In fact, I'm more resigned to the negative reactions it gets from others. But I'll hang on in there. Indeed the ugliest girls and boys I ever met also had the largest amount of "success" with the opposite sex. It doesn't mean anything. You shouldn't feel bad. PM me. I don't care how poor your self image is, your shyness and reserved demeanour will always make you beautiful.
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    Hi , I am from Houston , Texas . Now in London this week for work , I am a software engineer. Age 31....can we be friend?

    You can contact me at [email protected] dot vomr
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    I'm surprised there hasn't been the classic rep-magnet "i'm available" post yet :holmes::holmes:
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    I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend either.
    I truly believe that for people like us, it's mostly down to bad luck, and the rest down the shyness. It DOES make you feel worthless and awful, I know:sad:
 
 
 
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