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    Ok, so long story short. I never met my father, or knew anything about him until I was 16. I met him the once and he died shortly after. I met my two half sisters also, and from what little they told me it sounded like he wasn't always the easiest person to get along with.

    At the time it never really bothered me. I was an only child and raised by my mum and grandma. I never knew why my parents weren't together and no one would ever give me a straight answer about why he wasn't in my life (and I gave up asking).

    I'm now in my late twenties and I am increasingly finding myself struggling with the fact I never had a father, or any real father figure. My mum didn't date. The only male influence was an uncle I saw in the holidays. I see other people with their fathers, or hear them talk about it (or even the way fathers talk about their daughters) and I feel a terrible sense of loss. I never got to experience that and I never will. And I find it really quite devastating.

    I don't really know why I am writing this, except just to finally express it to someone.
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    I would think its normal, but you also need to make sure you arent projecting too much into it. You cnat change it and if he wasnt very nice then maybe you dodged a bullet and aboided someone who wouldnt have veen as great as you think.. Maybe your mum wont talk about him for very good reasons and thats to protect you.
    Maybe the reason you never met him was down to his wishes?


    If she raised you well then not everyone has one good parent. Its sad, but you have to move on and not let it drag you back, because it doesnt do you any good. In a way I have something similar, but its never held me back.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok, so long story short. I never met my father, or knew anything about him until I was 16. I met him the once and he died shortly after. I met my two half sisters also, and from what little they told me it sounded like he wasn't always the easiest person to get along with.

    At the time it never really bothered me. I was an only child and raised by my mum and grandma. I never knew why my parents weren't together and no one would ever give me a straight answer about why he wasn't in my life (and I gave up asking).

    I'm now in my late twenties and I am increasingly finding myself struggling with the fact I never had a father, or any real father figure. My mum didn't date. The only male influence was an uncle I saw in the holidays. I see other people with their fathers, or hear them talk about it (or even the way fathers talk about their daughters) and I feel a terrible sense of loss. I never got to experience that and I never will. And I find it really quite devastating.

    I don't really know why I am writing this, except just to finally express it to someone.
    I understand where you are coming from, I know what it's like to continuously hear about other people's lives and things you never had, and how some people are so lucky. I don't know about you but sometimes I've felt unfairness

    Yeah exactly, It can be hard without a male influence, to others it might sound silly, but there's just a difference say when your talking to someone.

    Also, I think your grieving is worse because you didn't know him, and it's human nature to think 'what if', what if we could have done this and even further along, stuff like who's going to walk me down the aisle that kind of thing. But you've got to slowly accept that things are different for you to other people, and you'll unfortunately probably always find it hard, but I'm sure you'll be fine as time goes on. Feel free to inbox me if you want to have a proper convo about this
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I would think its normal, but you also need to make sure you arent projecting too much into it. You cnat change it and if he wasnt very nice then maybe you dodged a bullet and aboided someone who wouldnt have veen as great as you think.. Maybe your mum wont talk about him for very good reasons and thats to protect you.
    Maybe the reason you never met him was down to his wishes?


    If she raised you well then not everyone has one good parent. Its sad, but you have to move on and not let it drag you back, because it doesnt do you any good. In a way I have something similar, but its never held me back.
    I don't think he was a bad guy, just could be hard to deal with. It sounded like he was a decent enough father to my half sisters. But then again I never really spoke to them about him much and I don't have much contact with them now.

    As far as I could tell, when I made contact he didn't know about me. Although I'd tried to make contact previously but it went to my sister, and he told them to ignore it. When I met him, I did ask but all he said was I should ask my mum. And whilst I get on very well with my mum, we don't have in depth talks very much and she was always reluctant. I don't know if I could bring it up.

    I know it's not a particularly helpful feeling, but I can't help it. I desperately crave that bond and I do think it has impacted on my ability to form relationships. And I wonder if I would have been a different, happier person if I had had a good male role model.

    (Original post by shazy2014)
    I understand where you are coming from, I know what it's like to continuously hear about other people's lives and things you never had, and how some people are so lucky. I don't know about you but sometimes I've felt jealously and unfairness as to why I don't see my dad anymore. My dad hasn't passed away he's just not talking to us anymore and he's moved away.

    Yeah exactly, It can be hard without a male influence, to others it might sound silly, but there's just a difference say when your talking to someone.

    Also, I think your grieving is worse because you didn't know him, and it's human nature to think 'what if', what if we could have done this and even further along, stuff like who's going to walk me down the aisle that kind of thing. But you've got to slowly accept that things are different for you to other people, and you'll unfortunately probably always find it hard, but I'm sure you'll be fine as time goes on. Feel free to inbox me if you want to have a proper convo about this
    Thank you for your reply. I am pretty good at accepting that I won't always be the same as others (for other reasons to this) and not having a father never really bothered me as a child. But I think over the last year or so this feeling of grief for something I'll never have, has really hit me hard. And I'm just struggling to move past it.

    I think I just needed to vent about it anonymously online.
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    Theres obviously a reason. She might tell you in time.
    As for the grieving thing, then perhaps you are projecting and making too much of it? If you do get into a relationship and find the right person to care for then perhaps part of their appeal is that they can provide you with part of what you missed by not having your father around. Not a father figure, but someone who is masculine, protective and reassuring? Its ok to ponder about it , just be careful you dont blame lifes ills on it.
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    I am in a similar situation, I don't know who my father is, I literally know nothing! In the past few years, I've also been feeling as though I'm at a loss and I too, crave that bond. However, I look to older men for this, for something platonic but they have their own agenda... I don't enjoy life and I'm not happy, I've figured it's because we always want what we can't have and the thing I deeply want is a father or a father figure in my life.
    I know how your feeling and my mum also, won't tell me anything.
 
 
 
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