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Help, I need some advice - I really don't know what to do with my mom Watch

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    I'm not sure what to do with my mom anymore,

    I know this isn't as big as a problem as other people may have but this is actually making me physically ill. I don't know why but since last year, whenever I get mad, my heart starts to beat so fast that I can actually feel it without having to focus on it and I start to have breathing problems and really bad headaches.

    I've tried avoiding this but my mom is just being so stressful. I do what she tells me and she critics it and gets mad. I try not to talk back but I can't help it because she just starts making things up so I try to explain myself and she gets more mad and I get more stressed and then I get angrier because of how unfair it is. Today, she wanted me to pay my phone and I tried to make my sibling do it because I was getting confused by the message of the phone company and my mom got more angry. I tried to do it later so I palnned to send the money to my account but while I was sending the money to my account, my mom suddenly hit me as she got mad at me for so I almost dropped her phone and caused me to almost send the money to the wrong account so I accidentally swore.

    I tried to apologise and she got more mad and started ranting about how I was becoming an alcoholic and was being influenced by my friends (which is insane because I don't have any friends because she told me not to and because the closest thing I have to a friend are so polite that they scold me for saying crap and stuff like that).

    For the past few days I've been trying to avoid her to stop getting more stressed because being angry makes me feel really ill and stressed out which I really don't need considering my exams starts this week but gosh, whatever I do she always gets mad. A few months back I actually got a really bad breathing problem which hit me randomly during lessons and some of my classmates were advising me to get checked out but I didn't because my mom would've known and she would've another thing to rant about because, instead of being a normal person and being concerned she gets mad at me for being sick, for having problems and for stressing out.

    I've tried biting my tongue and just nodding and following whatever she says but, gosh, she's just so mad at everything. I really can't take this anymore and I just want to leave and get out but she's guilt-tripping me to do everything. I actually considered talking to my school nurse or something but I'm so scared that she might know about it and get more mad. I tried to find another outlet to manage my stress and in the end I realised that the only thing that works is punching a wall or something.

    Please, I just need some advice about this cause I feel like it's ruining my life. I can't talk to anyone and I can't take pride in anything because of how controlling my mom is.

    Or am I just overreacting? Maybe I am because some of my classmates can relate to what I'm feeling but they're really cheerful and happy and collected.
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    Speak to someone at school ASAP, why is she even hitting you in the first place?? Child services should speak to her fgs
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    (Original post by rxns_00)
    Speak to someone at school ASAP, why is she even hitting you in the first place?? Child services should speak to her fgs
    She overheard me talking to my sibling last night about going to the end of a bus because I was curious and she got mad at me for not telling her (Which was the reason why I didn't tell her). It wasn't like a huge hit, it was like a strong push.
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    How old are you, if I may ask? Your mum's behaviour does sound overwhelming. Do you and your mum have good moments together? I guess the most important thing to ask yourself is, why is your mum behaving this way? Being a parent is very stressful: they know they want the best for you but do not know what the best way to guide you through life is, so you get situations like yours. If you think that your mum's behaviour is because she wants the best for you, it may be that she doesn't realise the effect this has on you.

    Do you feel able to have an honest discussion with her? Maybe you could pick a time when she is calm and happy and ask her if you can talk and let her know how you feel. It will not be pleasant to her and she might get defensive if you start listing everything she does wrong, besides it is probably hurtful to be told by your child that you are not doing great at parenting, so maybe you could try talking about your feelings. Something along the lines "I just wanted to let you know that our arguments make me very stressed and was hoping we could talk about it to try and work out a solution".
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She overheard me talking to my sibling last night about going to the end of a bus because I was curious and she got mad at me for not telling her (Which was the reason why I didn't tell her). It wasn't like a huge hit, it was like a strong push.
    Going to the end of a bus? What as in sitting at the back of a bus or? If she shouts about that sort of things that's actually ridiculous and she has some issues. Don't mention it to your siblings, tell your teacher and try to get some authorities speaking to her. If she tries to carry on after that, or shout at you for telling your teachers, just contact them again saying her behaviour continued
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    (Original post by alkyone)
    How old are you, if I may ask? Your mum's behaviour does sound overwhelming. Do you and your mum have good moments together? I guess the most important thing to ask yourself is, why is your mum behaving this way? Being a parent is very stressful: they know they want the best for you but do not know what the best way to guide you through life is, so you get situations like yours. If you think that your mum's behaviour is because she wants the best for you, it may be that she doesn't realise the effect this has on you.

    Do you feel able to have an honest discussion with her? Maybe you could pick a time when she is calm and happy and ask her if you can talk and let her know how you feel. It will not be pleasant to her and she might get defensive if you start listing everything she does wrong, besides it is probably hurtful to be told by your child that you are not doing great at parenting, so maybe you could try talking about your feelings. Something along the lines "I just wanted to let you know that our arguments make me very stressed and was hoping we could talk about it to try and work out a solution".
    Kinda, I think almost every moment I've had with my mom always have a moment where she got mad at me. I believed it was stress at first so I kinda just relaxed and let her shout at me because I'm pretty sure she stayed together with my dad because of me and, maybe, she shouts at me because she's really overprotective. But, as time went by, I'm starting to think that it was more than that because she critics me every chance she gets and she starts talking about how she regrets taking me in and stuff like that. One time, she actually got mad at my birthday and told me how we just need to celebrate because it's 'normal' for a family to celebrate it instead of saying we celebrate it because it's my birthday. I know she knows how it's affecting me but she keeps using the "I'm just really concerned about you" reason every single time.

    I wish, I really wish my I could talk to my mom like that but she's never relaxed. Yesterday, we were eating dinner and she got mad at me for my posture. I've tried talking to her about it and I thought we actually made some progress but a few days later, when she got mad at me, she started saying everything I told her, saying how we were so lucky and so spoiled and how my problems and stressed were my fault and not hers
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rxns_00)
    Going to the end of a bus? What as in sitting at the back of a bus or? If she shouts about that sort of things that's actually ridiculous and she has some issues. Don't mention it to your siblings, tell your teacher and try to get some authorities speaking to her. If she tries to carry on after that, or shout at you for telling your teachers, just contact them again saying her behaviour continued
    The end of the line although she does also get mad if I sit in the middle of the end of the bus because, apparently, I'll die and fall and crack my head open or something.

    Thanks, maybe I'll try.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Kinda, I think almost every moment I've had with my mom always have a moment where she got mad at me. I believed it was stress at first so I kinda just relaxed and let her shout at me because I'm pretty sure she stayed together with my dad because of me and, maybe, she shouts at me because she's really overprotective. But, as time went by, I'm starting to think that it was more than that because she critics me every chance she gets and she starts talking about how she regrets taking me in and stuff like that. One time, she actually got mad at my birthday and told me how we just need to celebrate because it's 'normal' for a family to celebrate it instead of saying we celebrate it because it's my birthday. I know she knows how it's affecting me but she keeps using the "I'm just really concerned about you" reason every single time.

    I wish, I really wish my I could talk to my mom like that but she's never relaxed. Yesterday, we were eating dinner and she got mad at me for my posture. I've tried talking to her about it and I thought we actually made some progress but a few days later, when she got mad at me, she started saying everything I told her, saying how we were so lucky and so spoiled and how my problems and stressed were my fault and not hers
    I cannot really speak for your mum but I can tell you that my mum was also overprotective, and we would argue every single day. I was also feeling like I was criticised all the time and I felt like my relationship with her would never be good. That's when I was a teenager. But once I left the house to go to uni, and I was not constantly with her I started missing her and my family, and I came to realise that she was not saying anything with malicious intent. I just realised she was just learning how to be a parent and did not know how to help me be the best person possible. Now I can see that all she was trying to do was help me get into good habits and learn to look after myself. On the other hand if anything was ever wrong with me, she was there to help. I guess what I am trying to say is that we have a hard time seeing this as teenagers and only get to understand how our parents feel as independent adults.

    However I cannot be sure what your mum has in mind. If you try and talk to her calmly, and you realise that it is not working and your problem is not solved, I would say speak to a counsellor at school if you have one, and explain the situation. They will probably help you get over your anxiety/ panic attack problems and how to deal with your mum. Also if they feel it is necessary they can refer you to other services they feel you might find helpful.
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    (Original post by alkyone)
    I cannot really speak for your mum but I can tell you that my mum was also overprotective, and we would argue every single day. I was also feeling like I was criticised all the time and I felt like my relationship with her would never be good. That's when I was a teenager. But once I left the house to go to uni, and I was not constantly with her I started missing her and my family, and I came to realise that she was not saying anything with malicious intent. I just realised she was just learning how to be a parent and did not know how to help me be the best person possible. Now I can see that all she was trying to do was help me get into good habits and learn to look after myself. On the other hand if anything was ever wrong with me, she was there to help. I guess what I am trying to say is that we have a hard time seeing this as teenagers and only get to understand how our parents feel as independent adults.

    However I cannot be sure what your mum has in mind. If you try and talk to her calmly, and you realise that it is not working and your problem is not solved, I would say speak to a counsellor at school if you have one, and explain the situation. They will probably help you get over your anxiety/ panic attack problems and how to deal with your mum. Also if they feel it is necessary they can refer you to other services they feel you might find helpful.
    I see, thanks, maybe I'll do that.
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    Hi
    Did you say how old you are or at least what year you are in?

    I think you are doing a good job trying to hold your tongue and avoiding. In the short term there is not going to be a lot you cna fo about your mum unless ofc you talk to her, but from the way you described it she will be non receptive.

    Fot yur own peace of mind, then you should talk to your GP and someone at school who you trust. The GP will keep it confidential and you should seek a similar assurance from a teacher. Can you talk to your dad? In any event talk to someone so you can share but also so you cna get feedback to determine whether there are things you cna do to deal with stress and anxiety or you cna have the reassurance that a lpt of it is your mum.

    Focus on your exams becayse they will be your ticket out to becoming independent and escaping.
    ..
 
 
 
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