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    There is a girl in my uni that I have a crush on. The problem is that she has a boyfriend so asking her out is pointless. We've been friends for almost 6 months now but I can't go on any further. It just pains me that all I am to her is a friend and that hanging out with her only makes me like her more. Additionally, she knows I like her even though I haven't said anything to her, she has subtly told me on several occasions.

    I will graduate soon and she has hinted in the past few weeks that she would want to stay friends. The fact that she is so comfortable and open around me when we are alone are the signs that this is a true friendship. It hurts me because this true friendship is one that only she is comfortable of being in.

    I wouldn't say that we message each other often, but when I do these feelings come back and I'm back to square one where I had tried to get rid of these feelings.

    So I guess I have two options really.. Stay as friends and have to deal with these feelings for her until I get a girlfriend myself (who knows how long that would take) or cut contact for good after graduation and never have to worry about her again.

    But of a dilemma, what's the best route out?
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    That's a difficult one and there's no right answer. But if staying friends is just going to make things harder, I'd cut contact personally.
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    Keep the option of friendship open. Friendships can evolve over time, from anything like a relationship to a deepening that will lead to great fulfillment even if you are with other partners. As you get out of university, you will find it more difficult to make friends - it requires time and commitment to build history and trust and modern life is busy.

    When I was at uni, there was a girl I thought would be the perfect partner for me. We were intermittent lovers, never seeming to get into an exclusive relationship, though she remained my imagined ideal. It was painful and she hung in the background over every other relationship I had into my mid-20s. Over time, and our late failed attempt to really build a relationship, we have remained soul mates in this wonderful sympathy for each other. It's had its ups and downs, but she is someone I can love and talk with, alongside what has been a very good marriage to someone else. This friendship is priceless, at least for me, and will last as long as we live.

    I am not saying yours would be that way, but it appears to have the potential to be. My advice is, don't lose it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a girl in my uni that I have a crush on. The problem is that she has a boyfriend so asking her out is pointless. We've been friends for almost 6 months now but I can't go on any further. It just pains me that all I am to her is a friend and that hanging out with her only makes me like her more. Additionally, she knows I like her even though I haven't said anything to her, she has subtly told me on several occasions.

    I will graduate soon and she has hinted in the past few weeks that she would want to stay friends. The fact that she is so comfortable and open around me when we are alone are the signs that this is a true friendship. It hurts me because this true friendship is one that only she is comfortable of being in.

    I wouldn't say that we message each other often, but when I do these feelings come back and I'm back to square one where I had tried to get rid of these feelings.

    So I guess I have two options really.. Stay as friends and have to deal with these feelings for her until I get a girlfriend myself (who knows how long that would take) or cut contact for good after graduation and never have to worry about her again.

    But of a dilemma, what's the best route out?
    Personally I wouldn't, I've been through what you're going through and it's not wise to cut your platonic relationship just because you want to get over them (my opinion).

    My crush for the girl lasted 8-9 months so if you want an alternative for cutting loose then this is it; endurance. If this is too hard then tell her (or not) and avoid her till you lose those feelings for her.
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    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    That's a difficult one and there's no right answer. But if staying friends is just going to make things harder, I'd cut contact personally.
    It's hard because we've become so close over the past few weeks. It's a friendship I don't want to lose just because of all the good times we've had together.

    (Original post by alcibiade)
    Keep the option of friendship open. Friendships can evolve over time, from anything like a relationship to a deepening that will lead to great fulfillment even if you are with other partners. As you get out of university, you will find it more difficult to make friends - it requires time and commitment to build history and trust and modern life is busy.

    When I was at uni, there was a girl I thought would be the perfect partner for me. We were intermittent lovers, never seeming to get into an exclusive relationship, though she remained my imagined ideal. It was painful and she hung in the background over every other relationship I had into my mid-20s. Over time, and our late failed attempt to really build a relationship, we have remained soul mates in this wonderful sympathy for each other. It's had its ups and downs, but she is someone I can love and talk with, alongside what has been a very good marriage to someone else. This friendship is priceless, at least for me, and will last as long as we live.

    I am not saying yours would be that way, but it appears to have the potential to be. My advice is, don't lose it.
    I'm not expecting anything more by staying friends with this girl. I've given up any hopes or chasing since she told me she's seeing someone already.

    (Original post by Eriasu)
    Personally I wouldn't, I've been through what you're going through and it's not wise to cut your platonic relationship just because you want to get over them (my opinion).

    My crush for the girl lasted 8-9 months so if you want an alternative for cutting loose then this is it; endurance. If this is too hard then tell her (or not) and avoid her till you lose those feelings for her.
    What exactly do I tell her? She already knows I like her. Half the course probably knows too.. I don't know how long I can hold out for.

    I feel bad for just unfriending her and disappearing from her life. But this is nothing against her but more about how I've allowed myself to get so close to her while knowing that we would only just be friends. Should I be considerate for her as well and not just make a rash decision and lose what I think is a really good friendship?
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    Lol guys who become friends with girls when they like them and stick around even though they have a boyfriend is so creepy, learn some self control, distance yourself, if she breaks up with her boyfriend go for it.
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    I was in the same situation, it lasted 1 year. It was the worst year of my life tbh. I managed to see her a lot, I met her family and all her friends. When I couldn't take it anymore (that was about 10 months after I had met her), I told her I had feelings for her. She rejected me and said she would like us to stay friends. I should have cut her out of my life at that point (she was one of my best friends but it wasn't worth the suffering) but it was too late, we had too many mutual friends. I couldn't avoid her even if I had wanted to.

    You don't have that problem. You're 'only' gonna lose ONE friend. It's hard I know, especially if she's a great friend but it will never be worth it! You don't have to stop talking to her today. That would be a lack of respect imo. Just stop initiating conversations for a start for example. And don't chase after her!
 
 
 
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