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Should I break up with my boyfriend? Has a SON!! Watch

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    Let's sum this up.
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months now and are very much in love. 3 months in he decides to tell me has a son from a previous relationship. I'm shocked and ask why he didn't tell me at the start? His reasoning was he thought I would leave him.
    Fair enough.
    I accepted it and thought him having a son wouldn't be an issue to us.. Until I started reading on the internet about how so many people regretted getting into marriages with someone who has "baggage" and that the son would grow up to cause problems and the bitter baby mama would cause trouble too. That I would never feel like the "only one" and that I would accept the fact that he will always have that link to his ex... Naturally I'm a jealous person so I hate the fact that him and his ex have contact but it's because of the son. She doesn't like me (there's not even a reason) she's with someone else and has been for 6 years but is still bitter over the breakup. Me and my boyfriend have spoken about marriage I'm turning 22 and he's 25. I wanna get married around 24. I'm worried that I'm about to make the worse descsion of my life. My mum told me I'm young and that I should go for someone who doesn't have children. But I do really love this guy.. I also don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. He really is a good guy. Advice ?
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    marry him and treat the kid like he's your son
    simple
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    It was very dishonest for him not to tell you about his child whilst you were courting. I'd be very wary if there is anything else he is hiding and/or if he can be trusted in general. Whilst I understand his concern about you leaving him, it doesn't justify hiding something so important from your partner.

    As for what you should do, I think you should analyse the situation and think very carefully about what you want. At the end of the day it's not uncommon to end up with someone who has children from a previous relationship, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. If he's a nice guy then you don't necessarily want to let that go because things aren't "perfect".

    THAT SAID, you are young and could do without that sort of commitment right now. Likewise at your age you could find someone else roughly the same age and begin a family of your own. If there is bitterness with the ex that will make things awkward and that will be something you have to come to terms with.

    Think carefully.
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    He mislead you so your love was based on lies. I'd move on OP but its down to you
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    (Original post by Con674627)
    Let's sum this up.
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months now and are very much in love. 3 months in he decides to tell me has a son from a previous relationship. I'm shocked and ask why he didn't tell me at the start? His reasoning was he thought I would leave him.
    Fair enough.
    I accepted it and thought him having a son wouldn't be an issue to us.. Until I started reading on the internet about how so many people regretted getting into marriages with someone who has "baggage" and that the son would grow up to cause problems and the bitter baby mama would cause trouble too. That I would never feel like the "only one" and that I would accept the fact that he will always have that link to his ex... Naturally I'm a jealous person so I hate the fact that him and his ex have contact but it's because of the son. She doesn't like me (there's not even a reason) she's with someone else and has been for 6 years but is still bitter over the breakup. Me and my boyfriend have spoken about marriage I'm turning 22 and he's 25. I wanna get married around 24. I'm worried that I'm about to make the worse descsion of my life. My mum told me I'm young and that I should go for someone who doesn't have children. But I do really love this guy.. I also don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. He really is a good guy. Advice ?
    If you're happy with this guy and you both love eachother, there's absolutely no reason why the relationship cannot work. It is slightly off putting to know that he has a kid but also refreshing to know that he takes care of his responsibilities. The mother of his child will always be in his life and that's something you'll have to deal with. In time, she'll see that you're with him for the long haul and may feel comfortable contacting you about anything regarding your child if your partner happens to be unavailable. She does seem a little bitter but that may only be because she doesn't want you to replace her - she may feel intimidated because you will be around her son a lot. The solution here is trust really. If you are confident that he's only in contact with her for the welfare of their son then be with him. If you feel like they talk on a different level at times, then perhaps marriage isn't the best idea right now.
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    If someone is willing to mislead you over something so important, I'd be very slow to plan a future with them.

    Obviously I don't know the person and he may be a saint, but be very, very careful before you commit yourself. Very.

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    How does one hide a kid?
    (crying)
    Girlfriend: What's that noise?
    Boyfriend: Oh nothing
    (muffled cries continue from the basement)
    Boyfriend: :cookie:

    ?????
    • Very Important Poster
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    Cool it down and take a time out to decide what you think about it. Its only 3 months and you are talking about being in love and getting married.

    You also talk about being jealous and hating, whch is a bit out there. If you cnat manage the though he has a child then obviously find someone else.
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    (Original post by 0to100)
    How does one hide a kid?
    (crying)
    Girlfriend: What's that noise?
    Boyfriend: Oh nothing
    (muffled cries continue from the basement)
    Boyfriend: :cookie:

    ?????
    The kid probably lives with the mum.
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    Don't get naive and blinded by love.

    Make rational decisions. You are 21. I would strongly advise against this.
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    If the kid couldn't keep his previous relationship intact, then I doubt it can help this one. Idk I wouldn't do it but if you really love the guy you could marry him and treat the child as your own. If the kid's mother's bitter and is in another relationship and hates you that much you could discuss who wants custody of the kid? If you end up getting custody you best make sure you are prepared to love this child like your own and make him feel like he has a momma because you're signing up as a mother and a wife not just a wife.

    If you don't want the kid, you can't take his dad.
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    Have to follow your instincts on this one. You are young enough to invest a bit more time and see how it goes. I tend to agree with your analysis that the bit of deceit at the beginning is human nature.
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    Hmm... I dated women who had kids twice. When you're in that position, you have to make way too many sacrifices. My opinion is that it's not worth it.

    1- What you read on the Internet is right, you'll never be the only one. It didn't bother me too much though.
    2- It doesn't matter what you do, you'll never be the mother. You won't be able to give him an education, you will have to support the kid financially only to hear years later "you're not my real mother" from the kid or "you're not his mom" from the father whenever you'll say something that they won't like.
    3- Can't do anything. Wanna go there? Can't, because of the kid. Wanna do that? Can't, because of the kid. I guess the kid doesn't leave with his father (otherwise you would have known from the start he had a kid) so maybe it won't be a problem for you.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    The kid probably lives with the mum.
    Ok but there are people who have kids and aren't honest about it yet the kid lives with them
    Always boggles my mind
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    Being a stepmum and being a stepdad are different I'd like to think
    I feel the mums get it baaaad gotta say
    Not discussing a dead parent, people are a bit more emotional about their mums whether they got on or not and just want their new dad to be cool and not a creep
    The whole "replacing my mum" thing might pop up, depending on the kid's age
    If she's a baby mama from hell as well yea if you can't handle that then demand it of your guy or honestly leave
    How dare I tell you what to do with ur life but you asked
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    I think it's a pretty immature attitude to be put off someone because they have a son. But if you are put off then you should end it because he needs someone who won't mind, and if it's an issue for you now it'll probably continue to be one in the future. I think it's understandable that he didn't tell you because of how you're reacting now, instead of making up your own mind really you've just gone straight online to look for other people's experiences and even on here for other people's views. He's probably sick of attracting people who are going to judge him for it.
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    (Original post by Con674627)
    Let's sum this up.
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months now and are very much in love. 3 months in he decides to tell me has a son from a previous relationship. I'm shocked and ask why he didn't tell me at the start? His reasoning was he thought I would leave him.
    Fair enough.
    I accepted it and thought him having a son wouldn't be an issue to us.. Until I started reading on the internet about how so many people regretted getting into marriages with someone who has "baggage" and that the son would grow up to cause problems and the bitter baby mama would cause trouble too. That I would never feel like the "only one" and that I would accept the fact that he will always have that link to his ex... Naturally I'm a jealous person so I hate the fact that him and his ex have contact but it's because of the son. She doesn't like me (there's not even a reason) she's with someone else and has been for 6 years but is still bitter over the breakup. Me and my boyfriend have spoken about marriage I'm turning 22 and he's 25. I wanna get married around 24. I'm worried that I'm about to make the worse descsion of my life. My mum told me I'm young and that I should go for someone who doesn't have children. But I do really love this guy.. I also don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. He really is a good guy. Advice ?
    If you love him that much then why should it be an issue if he has a son?
 
 
 
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