Holiday without friend - am I wrong?

Anonymous #1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
I have a majorly long story and in the grand scheme of things it's not important, I would just like to vent and get some advice...........

Okay, so a couple of months back my friends and I decided we wanted to go on holiday together in the summer, there was about 5 of us interested. One of my friends, (who I used to be very close to) (let's call her #1 for the story) only has 3 weeks off uni in summer and told us the dates she is off and said we should go then, this meant one of my other friends couldn't go as her course doesn't finish until after those dates, but she was absolutely fine about it. So we decided on a week and started looking for holidays. I personally didn't have any other free full weeks in summer as I work at the weekend and another friend (#2) works all the time so only booked that week off.
As we began looking at holidays it became very apparent that friend #1 didn't want to spend a lot of money and wanted to go on a budget, which of course I understand. But then she turns round and says she is going to Italy the week after with her boyfriend and had already paid/ booked that and would need money to do stuff there (bearing in mind she only has 3 weeks off at home and is always complaining we never see her? I thought she would want to spend time with us doing all the things we used to do before she went to uni. But that's my own issue and I got over it quickly! She has 3 weeks off of course she wants to go on adventures).
Anyway so I was looking at all inclusive places, as to me, this is a relax holiday, I've been working hard all year and just wanted a pool, beach and a cocktail in hand. Friend #2 had the same ideas as me. The last time we went on holiday two years ago, friend #1 hated the sun and was a bit grumpy all the time because of it and it became clear she is much more into walking around a city and going on adventures. Friend #3 and #4 didn't really look at any, they would just chip in here and there.
Friend #1 would send me links to the cheapest hotels with really bad reviews, in quite dangerous areas, but when I raised those queries with her, she would say 'everywhere is dangerous' 'it's not where you are' 'your being a bit snobby' etc. But why should I not be just a little bit snobby? It's my hard earned cash and I want to spend it going somewhere nice? where as she had already wasted the money her parents had given her on shoes, clothes and holidays with her boyfriend..she hasn't saved any for this holiday, where as I've been saving for ages. She then said we could go in a caravan (like we did last year) so that everyone could afford it and go. The caravan was fun but I don't want it to be my only holiday all summer. We could always go later in the summer in the caravan for a few days?
We had a bit of an argument a few weeks back where she said I was going to pick nice things over her coming, to which I replied, I just want to go somewhere nice and I want you to come! Simple as.
Nothing was being resolved and meanwhile friend #2 and I had been chatting and had found some beautiful resorts that we really loved. We tried to let the others know that we wanted to go somewhere a little bit nicer but it was always friend #1 saying nope too expensive, we don't have to spend that much, I can't spend that much and if you go then your a bad friend. I'm sorry but she has already been on holiday twice the past year and is going again in summer, this is my one holiday, why should I have to skimp?
So friend #2 and I decided we wanted to go somewhere nicer and we went to a travel agents and saw an amazing deal and plucked up the courage to let the others know. We also said that we could do something like caravaning later in the summer with more people (including the friend who would still be at uni until the end of July) but wanted to go somewhere special for that one week to completely relax. We also mentioned that if they had another place in mind then this would give them plenty of time to book it (a little birdy had told me they were getting sick of no plans being made and were telling people they were going to go to Greece?! First I'd heard.) I was so scared to tell them!!!!
Friend #3 just said she won't be able to afford it but that she hopes we have a good time and that she doesn't want her being a poor student to stop us going somewhere nicer. And also that she would love to go in the caravan later in the summer. Friend #4 said she's a little upset but that she's struggling to get time off her new job anyway so isn't that mad.
Friend #1 has gone absolutely off on one, only messaging me directly (not friend #2) saying I'm not a friend in her eyes, I'm so selfish, she's gonna be so bored, she would never do this to me, she is so angry and upset, telling me I've lost friends over a I do feel bad because I would have loved to go away with everyone but nothing was being resolved and we all have different tastes. I understand why she is upset but she is going to Italy the week after?? And the fact she is only being mean about it to me (claiming she isn't good friends with friend #2 which is a load of rubbish, we are all good friends) I just don't know what to say to her at this point. She hasn't even asked how friend #3 and #4 think about it, it's just all about how upset she is. She's changed so much since going to uni..(.but again that a whole other story!)

This is such a long post and it probably doesn't make sense and I don't think anyone will read it but if you do, what should I say to friend #1? Am I really being a horrible person going on holiday when some of my friends can't afford it? gah I just feel so crappy about the whole thing now.

Thanks x
Badges: 19
Report 5 years ago
difficult one...

it's not very nice to decide some people want to do something expensive so no one else gets to go on holiday, if the plan was a group trip then everyone should have a say (e.g. should be somewhere with a beach but also some walking/sightseeing to do) and it's reasonable to try and find somewhere people can afford, I can understand why people are unhappy

however, you are entitled to say that if something is too far out of what you want that you aren't prepared to spend lots of money on it and I agree with you that your friend shouldn't be going on multiple holidays a year then claiming she's too poor to go with you (although perhaps the way she goes on multiple trips is doing it very cheap)

perhaps you should have all agreed on some compromises before you decided on the trip, there must be something affordable for the cheaper friend that is not completely dangerous and horrible... and you should have all sat down and had a chat about it if you really weren't agreeing so that it wasn't 'do this or don't come' but 'it's not looking possible to find somewhere we can agree on, perhaps we should do different trips'
Badges: 10
Report 5 years ago
Not really the same, but my group of 'friends' discussed all going to New York and/or Hawaii together sometime..
Nothing more was really said about it so I didnt think anything was happening. Then one day, one let it slip that they had all booked a holiday to New York and Las Vegas (4 days in each place!) for the trip of a lifetime..for two weeks later!!!!
They said they didnt think id be interested so didnt bother to include me. The one person who wasn't going, still apparently knew at least..
It seems if one hadn't accidently let it slip, id have never known until they were out there!
I then had to put up with them sending emails and facebook posts of their trip to america, while I got to stay in the sunny uk at work..fuming was beyond an understatement! Same 'friends' also pulled exactly the same thing on a trip to Germany the year before.

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