So, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, I met him as soon as I left school and I've now just finished my first year as a late student! I'm 21, he's 23. As far as our actual relationship goes, it's okay. He's a bit controlling and possessive, I'm not allowed to go to clubs without him for example, but other than this it's fine.
My issue is this: after being in this place for so long, I've found myself wondering what my life could be like if I were single- travelling, volunteering abroad, girls holidays! The thought that I could be doing these things if we weren't together makes me slightly resent the relationship and I find myself unhappy, and slightly blunt, through no fault of his!
I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt him, I don't know if I physically can! I've tried to end it in the past but it never seems to happen, I'm terrified to do it, help me
To be or not to be Watch
- Thread Starter
- 18-05-2016 17:01
- 18-05-2016 17:13
People who starts dating at a young age usually break up in their early twenties exactly because what you just wrote, having no experience. Your feelings are completely normal, if you feel like that for a long time, you should break up with him.
- 18-05-2016 17:33
I'm so scared to do that though. I don't know if I'm scared of him, or how he will react, or what! Has anyone got any tips perhaps for doing this in the least harmful way? (I know it's a bit of a long shot, I do realise things are complicated)
- 18-05-2016 17:49
Why can't you travel, volunteer aboard, have a girl holiday etc whilst still with him?
I never really understood why people feel that being in a relationship restricts you from doing lots of different activities, and I never understood the mindset of being free when single either. In both cases of seen people do the exact opposite of what is expected to happen in those circumstances.
Life is what YOU make of it, and you shouldn't have to end your relationship to experience those things. Go out and do them! At the end of the day if you truly love each other elements like time and distance shouldn't wreck too much havoc on your relationship. Heck, I've been in a long distance relationship myself and it was just as fulfilling if not more-so than a lot of the relationships I saw around me.
Case in point; You are in control of your life, so don't use your relationship as an excuse to pursue things. If you want to be single, then by all means end things, but personally I don't see why you can't just do these things for yourself. If it's how your boyfriend will react to it, that's his problem and for him to deal with; if he breaks things off, then that was his decision and at least you tried.
- 18-05-2016 21:20
I can't Persue things while I'm in the relationship because he blatantly tells me that I'm not allowed to do these things. He doesn't trust me (and he has no reason not to trust me, this is just how he is) and g Ives me an ultimatum when I approach the subject of doing them. He can't come with me if I am going to do them and he will not do long distance to the ball is always in my court.
And when I say I'm scared of his reaction I don't mean whether or not he will be upset, I mean what he will do in retaliation because that's the type of person he is. If you wrong him, hurt him, annoy him- he comes back 10 times harder