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I just told my mum...
Im so upset with my mum right now..
I started going out with a girl about a month ago (first relationship with a girl by the way, only been with guys in the past) and it was going really well...I like her alot and she makes me really happy. She lives like an hour away so when i go see her I usually stay the night which means i keep havin to lie to my mum about where I am cos she doesnt know about anything, she doesnt even know that i like girls.
Anyway i hate lying to her and i thought she would be ok if i finally told her the truth, i mean i knew she wouldnt like it that much but i thought she might at least try to accept this is who i am and i cant help that..so i told her when we were round at my sisters (my big sis knows already so wanted to tell my mum with her there just for support or whatever) and she totally didnt react how i imagined at all..
My sister was fine and said that as long as i was happy and healthy it didnt matter to her at all which is what o had hoped for from my mum..but my mum was the complete opposite.She said some horrible things, at first she made a joke out of it and said not to be so stupid, then when i told her a bit more and that i was serious she started goin over all this crap about how its morally wrong (even though shes not even very religious) about how i was confused, didnt know what i wanted, got the whole marriage/children thing (even though i could and prob will end up with a guy) she said how it was disgusting and she hated it and that i was just trying to fit in with the crowd (even though ive felt like this for like 3 years and none of my friends are the same)...etc etc. She was just generally so hurtful when i was just trying to be honest with her i mean i cant help who i am, she said shell never accept it and she doesnt want to hear anything about it. The thing that hurt the most was when she said she sees me in a totally different light now...i dont understand..im the same person..how can she be so narrow minded and judgemental..i mean im still her daughter so even if she doesnt like it she should accept who i am...
i just dont know what to do now
anyone else experienced this and what did you do about it? I dont want to hurt anyone but i cant change who i am.
I started going out with a girl about a month ago (first relationship with a girl by the way, only been with guys in the past) and it was going really well...I like her alot and she makes me really happy. She lives like an hour away so when i go see her I usually stay the night which means i keep havin to lie to my mum about where I am cos she doesnt know about anything, she doesnt even know that i like girls.
Anyway i hate lying to her and i thought she would be ok if i finally told her the truth, i mean i knew she wouldnt like it that much but i thought she might at least try to accept this is who i am and i cant help that..so i told her when we were round at my sisters (my big sis knows already so wanted to tell my mum with her there just for support or whatever) and she totally didnt react how i imagined at all..
My sister was fine and said that as long as i was happy and healthy it didnt matter to her at all which is what o had hoped for from my mum..but my mum was the complete opposite.She said some horrible things, at first she made a joke out of it and said not to be so stupid, then when i told her a bit more and that i was serious she started goin over all this crap about how its morally wrong (even though shes not even very religious) about how i was confused, didnt know what i wanted, got the whole marriage/children thing (even though i could and prob will end up with a guy) she said how it was disgusting and she hated it and that i was just trying to fit in with the crowd (even though ive felt like this for like 3 years and none of my friends are the same)...etc etc. She was just generally so hurtful when i was just trying to be honest with her i mean i cant help who i am, she said shell never accept it and she doesnt want to hear anything about it. The thing that hurt the most was when she said she sees me in a totally different light now...i dont understand..im the same person..how can she be so narrow minded and judgemental..i mean im still her daughter so even if she doesnt like it she should accept who i am...
i just dont know what to do now
anyone else experienced this and what did you do about it? I dont want to hurt anyone but i cant change who i am.Scroll to see replies
Just like to let you know, I'm fine with it 
I guess you have to understand that the generation gap will mean she has a different mindset to yours. In time she may come to accept it; but you have to be who you are, and it's better that she knows.
yeh im def not gonna change who i am to please her..cos i would just be lying to her and myself..i really hope it gets better
It will get better and easier. It's just the shock. People say some reslly mean and hurtful things that they don't mean. Give her a while to calm down and think about it, and just get used to the idea of it. You could even ask your sister to very subtley have a little chat to her.
Your mums reaction (unfortunately) is not unusual for that generation, but once she understands im sure she'll be there to support you. She does still love you, and things will get normal again soon.
Maybe in a couple of months just take her to the side and ask her how she's coping with the news.
Good luck with everything.
Your mums reaction (unfortunately) is not unusual for that generation, but once she understands im sure she'll be there to support you. She does still love you, and things will get normal again soon.
Maybe in a couple of months just take her to the side and ask her how she's coping with the news.
Good luck with everything.
thanks becky thats the sort of advice i was hoping for im guessing you arent speaking from experience?
im guessing you arent speaking from experience?
^ I think it was a badly-placed joke you guys
Anyways, to the OP: The best thing you can do is to keep being yourself - anything else would be a lie & make you feel even worse in the long run. It can be hard when those around you don't understand (especially when they're very close to you) but the only way you can change their perceptions of who you are is by not being afraid to show it. Good luck
Anyways, to the OP: The best thing you can do is to keep being yourself - anything else would be a lie & make you feel even worse in the long run. It can be hard when those around you don't understand (especially when they're very close to you) but the only way you can change their perceptions of who you are is by not being afraid to show it. Good luck
People take these things in different ways. You have to remember it's going to be a bit of a shock at first to find that her daughter has finally spoke about her sexuality.
Remember that all parents harbour ambitions to become grandparents at some point, to continue the blood-line.
You just have to sit down and talk to her, and explain that this is who you are. She's just going to have to accept it at some point. I'm sure the last thing she wants is to fall out with you.
Remember that all parents harbour ambitions to become grandparents at some point, to continue the blood-line.
You just have to sit down and talk to her, and explain that this is who you are. She's just going to have to accept it at some point. I'm sure the last thing she wants is to fall out with you.
Sorry you feel this way but if im upset and it helps me to write it all out and share it with people, i really hope you dont ever need advice about anything because you dont have a very good attitude towards people talking about their problems. Of course no one is qualified to give advice but it helps to talk to people who have been in similar situlations. If you dont like hearing peoples problems why are you on H&R..kinda the whole point dont you think?
OK, back to the OP's situation. I think your mum was horrible. I know loads of homosexual people and they are all perfectly reasonable so I would never say anything homophobic. It was not her place to judge your sexuality like that.
2nd_slip
All these threads, on this and this happened, I mean c'mon, no one has that many issues, not even in a soap opera!
Um... you do know that anyone can use the 'Anonymous' account, right? So generally, every anonymous thread is by a different person...
And OP, your mum has typical views of her generation, which are now incorrect and out-of-date. She'll get used to it, there is nothing 'morally wrong' about you
Time.
It is an important factor. She needs to get used to it.
In an ideal world, she'd say "oh, that's fine, have a hug" and accept it. Just because she hasn't reacted the way you'd hoped, doesn't mean that she won't change her attitude eventually. She still loves you, it's just a big shock to her. I'm sure she will regret saying nasty things to you eventually and realise how rude and small-minded she has been.
Try not to get too sad about it, I'm sure your mum will change her attitude.
And LOL at the guy who seems to think that anon is one person!
It is an important factor. She needs to get used to it.
In an ideal world, she'd say "oh, that's fine, have a hug" and accept it. Just because she hasn't reacted the way you'd hoped, doesn't mean that she won't change her attitude eventually. She still loves you, it's just a big shock to her. I'm sure she will regret saying nasty things to you eventually and realise how rude and small-minded she has been.
Try not to get too sad about it, I'm sure your mum will change her attitude.
And LOL at the guy who seems to think that anon is one person!
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