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musicbloke
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#1
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I had a big argument with my father this morniing. He was being really stupid and derogatory about art music. He has decided that he does not like any "classical music". He doesn't understand that this is what I want to spend my life studying and how offensive I find his generalisations. This morning he told mee that he didn't like any pre-twentieth century music for voice because he "doesn't like how they sing" (regardless of changing styles whicch I pointed out to him) so I asked him to give me an example which he couldn't do. He regularly makes these accusations without knowing what he is talking about. In terms of musical taste he seems to value the banal. The worst thing is he sees himself as a bit of an authority on art (although I am unsure why). He would not accept my analogy to saying that I don't like old paintings because they have rectangular frames (I was trying to show the absurdity of his statement). An example of his nastiness was the other day I asked him to come to an opera with me and instead of saying "yes" or "no" he says "How long is it?" as if he'd be making some huge concession to me. It feels as though he thinks the degree that I am going to ddo is ridiculous and I don't know what to do about it.

MB
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roseonthegrave
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#2
(Original post by musicboy)
I had a big argument with my father this morniing. He was being really stupid and derogatory about art music. He has decided that he does not like any "classical music". He doesn't understand that this is what I want to spend my life studying and how offensive I find his generalisations. This morning he told mee that he didn't like any pre-twentieth century music for voice because he "doesn't like how they sing" (regardless of changing styles whicch I pointed out to him) so I asked him to give me an example which he couldn't do. He regularly makes these accusations without knowing what he is talking about. In terms of musical taste he seems to value the banal. The worst thing is he sees himself as a bit of an authority on art (although I am unsure why). He would not accept my analogy to saying that I don't like old paintings because they have rectangular frames (I was trying to show the absurdity of his statement). An example of his nastiness was the other day I asked him to come to an opera with me and instead of saying "yes" or "no" he says "How long is it?" as if he'd be making some huge concession to me. It feels as though he thinks the degree that I am going to ddo is ridiculous and I don't know what to do about it.

MB
Have you talked to him openly about the whole thing; told him that it upsets you that he makes fun of a passion of yours?
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musicbloke
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(Original post by roseonthegrave)
Have you talked to him openly about the whole thing; told him that it upsets you that he makes fun of a passion of yours?

Yeah, he doesn't care.

MB
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roseonthegrave
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(Original post by musicboy)
Yeah, he doesn't care.

MB
Ah. In that case it would probably help to make a screen between stuff he says and try not to let it get to you, although I appreciate that is probably extremely difficult.

The bottom line is you recognise what he says is bull, and accept that he is too narrow to change his mind. Might help you deal with it, but I’ve never really been in a situation exactly like this with a parent.

You could always just lock him in the shed, of course.
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musicbloke
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(Original post by roseonthegrave)
Ah. In that case it would probably help to make a screen between stuff he says and try not to let it get to you, although I appreciate that is probably extremely difficult.

The bottom line is you recognise what he says is bull, and accept that he is too narrow to change his mind. Might help you deal with it, but I’ve never really been in a situation exactly like this with a parent.

You could always just lock him in the shed, of course.

Thanks for the support. The shed does seem like a viable option.

MB
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Fleffzilla
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(Original post by roseonthegrave)
Ah. In that case it would probably help to make a screen between stuff he says and try not to let it get to you, although I appreciate that is probably extremely difficult.

The bottom line is you recognise what he says is bull, and accept that he is too narrow to change his mind. Might help you deal with it, but I’ve never really been in a situation exactly like this with a parent.

You could always just lock him in the shed, of course.
Ahhh, yes, the shed method. I find it works quite well, especially in cold weather.
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roseonthegrave
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(Original post by musicboy)
Thanks for the support. The shed does seem like a viable option.

MB
Yeah, sorry I can't be much help. If it's really bad is their anyone else you can talk to?
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teamvillage
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(Original post by Fleff)
Ahhh, yes, the shed method. I find it works quite well, especially in cold weather.
So wait 6 months THEN lock him in the shed
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sashh
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he's not going to change. Well if hes anything like my parents he won't.

This is hard but you have to accept that he is never going to understand your opinion because he doesn't want to. You know you are right, it's your degree and your life.

It's really hard to do things without the support of your parents (been there done that) but in the end you will be happier than if you changed and did a degree in something he likes.

I spent years trying to get my parents to approve of my life choices, they never did but things became easier once I realised they were not going to change their opinions.

BTW - if you are ever short of someone to go to an opera with give me a shout.
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musicbloke
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(Original post by sashh)
BTW - if you are ever short of someone to go to an opera with give me a shout.

Yay, thanks. I will definitely get in touch when i'm next going

MB
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tis_me_lord
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I can't really think of any advice better than the shed, sorry. If he doesn't appreciate your intrests than he's a bad parent, simple as, he has a lot of audacity to say things like "how long is it?" but you should still tolerate it because soon you'll be moving out and going to university anyway.
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F. Poste
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awww

I don't have any better advice than brain-washing that or moaning to me about it on MSN, I can be a listening ear if nothing else!
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mobbdeeprob
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#13
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Appeasement works best and will ensure that you achieve goldenboy status - which is worth a lot more than personal ambition.

My dad is a historian who sneers at the idea of me doing a history-related degree; solution? Study law.
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Lithium
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#14
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(Original post by musicboy)
I had a big argument with my father this morniing. He was being really stupid and derogatory about art music. He has decided that he does not like any "classical music". He doesn't understand that this is what I want to spend my life studying and how offensive I find his generalisations. This morning he told mee that he didn't like any pre-twentieth century music for voice because he "doesn't like how they sing" (regardless of changing styles whicch I pointed out to him) so I asked him to give me an example which he couldn't do. He regularly makes these accusations without knowing what he is talking about. In terms of musical taste he seems to value the banal. The worst thing is he sees himself as a bit of an authority on art (although I am unsure why). He would not accept my analogy to saying that I don't like old paintings because they have rectangular frames (I was trying to show the absurdity of his statement). An example of his nastiness was the other day I asked him to come to an opera with me and instead of saying "yes" or "no" he says "How long is it?" as if he'd be making some huge concession to me. It feels as though he thinks the degree that I am going to ddo is ridiculous and I don't know what to do about it.

MB
Dude, i wouldnt give a **** if i were you, you make the decisions, not him, so ig you love msuic, nobody should be able to offend that oe you for that matter
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musicbloke
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Well, He's managed to do it again. Tonight and tomorrow night are the summer concerts/pre-tour concerts at our school. He has decided that he can't come to either of them which I take to be a bit rude as they're my last ever concerts in school and he's hardly come to any over the last 7 years. But wait. There is more. The reason why he "can't" come is because he is playing football and going to the pub with his mates.

MB
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gzftan
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(Original post by musicboy)
Well, He's managed to do it again. Tonight and tomorrow night are the summer concerts/pre-tour concerts at our school. He has decided that he can't come to either of them which I take to be a bit rude as they're my last ever concerts in school and he's hardly come to any over the last 7 years. But wait. There is more. The reason why he "can't" come is because he is playing football and going to the pub with his mates.

MB
Don't worry about it mate...my dad is like that too...you've jsut gotta ignore him and get on with your life. He probably jsut doesn't understand, and nothing you say is gonna make him change. Look at it this way, in a coupla months, you'll be in cambridge, and you won't have to put up with his nonsense anymore...that's what keeps me going.

G
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MC
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Your lucky your father even talks to you. My father sits there and says ****-all. Seriously, the last time he spoke to me was after my chemistry exam to ask me how it went...that was last week, and even then we spoke for about 30 seconds max.
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supreme
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(Original post by musicboy)
I had a big argument with my father this morniing. He was being really stupid and derogatory about art music. He has decided that he does not like any "classical music". He doesn't understand that this is what I want to spend my life studying and how offensive I find his generalisations. This morning he told mee that he didn't like any pre-twentieth century music for voice because he "doesn't like how they sing" (regardless of changing styles whicch I pointed out to him) so I asked him to give me an example which he couldn't do. He regularly makes these accusations without knowing what he is talking about. In terms of musical taste he seems to value the banal. The worst thing is he sees himself as a bit of an authority on art (although I am unsure why). He would not accept my analogy to saying that I don't like old paintings because they have rectangular frames (I was trying to show the absurdity of his statement). An example of his nastiness was the other day I asked him to come to an opera with me and instead of saying "yes" or "no" he says "How long is it?" as if he'd be making some huge concession to me. It feels as though he thinks the degree that I am going to ddo is ridiculous and I don't know what to do about it.

MB
Your're never going to change your Dad but you can ignore him by not talking for about 4 weeks and that drives parents mad.
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Trigger
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#19
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il go to the opera love madame butterfly you shopuld just leave any of the music/art dissusions till your wit hsomeone who cares and respects your opions no offence but your dad seems like a jackass!
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fishpaste
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Will he be a Cambridge music graduate in a few years? I don't thinkkkkk so.
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