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    I have a problem because I met a guy online who I thought was perfect for me. We were both looking for a serious relationship We had been talking for 6 weeks all with the intent of meeting. I explained to him that due to my job I had difficulty in seeing him during the week and when we asked each other to meet on a couple of the weekends either I was working on that specific weekend or he was busy when I was free. We finally agreed to meet on a day which was suitable for both of us and he suggested we go to a specific Thai restaurant and he said he would call me nearer the time for final confirmation.

    However I never heard anything from him for 12 days and I wanted to give him space and not appear needy or clingy. Before this 12 day gap we were messaging evry 2-3 days, sometimes daily at the start so this 12 gap was the longest we’d gone without talking to each other.

    I then messaged him saying hi how are you because it had got to the start of the week that we were due to meet and he hadn’t contacted me at that point. He then told me that within the last week’s he had met someone else and felt guilty talking to me outside of that. I was devastated and absolutely shocked as I never thought he would see someone else. I had explained to him at the start of our communication that I was bsuy for the next few weeks but would be free to meet up from mid May onwards and he told me he was willing to wait. I then messaged him to see if my unavailability was the reason for him seeing someone else and he said no it was purely because he had met this person very frequently during the last 2 weeks. He then told me that he is uncomfortable to continue to talk to me as he has started to see this person properly. He then wished me luck with my search for someone else.

    I am absolutely shocked at how he has behaved. I actually deleted my dating profile out of respect for him because I didn’t want other guys messaging me when I was trying to get to know him. I really felt a connection with him and am just so upset at how things have turned out. I can’t believe that he just stopped messaging me and started seeing someone else, as if my feelings do not matter. Had I not messaged him to say hi how are you, he would not have even told me that he met someone else. I suspect he just expected me to disappear and not contact him.

    Despite my disgust at how he has treated me the worrying thing about this is that I still want to meet him, despite him making it clear that he is now in a relationship with this other person. Am I best off waiting for him to see if he contacts me should this relationship fail or do I find someone else. How can I avoid this situation happening again with future love interests as I really feel very very hurt by the actions of this guy?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a problem because I met a guy online who I thought was perfect for me. We were both looking for a serious relationship We had been talking for 6 weeks all with the intent of meeting. I explained to him that due to my job I had difficulty in seeing him during the week and when we asked each other to meet on a couple of the weekends either I was working on that specific weekend or he was busy when I was free. We finally agreed to meet on a day which was suitable for both of us and he suggested we go to a specific Thai restaurant and he said he would call me nearer the time for final confirmation.

    However I never heard anything from him for 12 days and I wanted to give him space and not appear needy or clingy. Before this 12 day gap we were messaging evry 2-3 days, sometimes daily at the start so this 12 gap was the longest we’d gone without talking to each other.

    I then messaged him saying hi how are you because it had got to the start of the week that we were due to meet and he hadn’t contacted me at that point. He then told me that within the last week’s he had met someone else and felt guilty talking to me outside of that. I was devastated and absolutely shocked as I never thought he would see someone else. I had explained to him at the start of our communication that I was bsuy for the next few weeks but would be free to meet up from mid May onwards and he told me he was willing to wait. I then messaged him to see if my unavailability was the reason for him seeing someone else and he said no it was purely because he had met this person very frequently during the last 2 weeks. He then told me that he is uncomfortable to continue to talk to me as he has started to see this person properly. He then wished me luck with my search for someone else.

    I am absolutely shocked at how he has behaved. I actually deleted my dating profile out of respect for him because I didn’t want other guys messaging me when I was trying to get to know him. I really felt a connection with him and am just so upset at how things have turned out. I can’t believe that he just stopped messaging me and started seeing someone else, as if my feelings do not matter. Had I not messaged him to say hi how are you, he would not have even told me that he met someone else. I suspect he just expected me to disappear and not contact him.

    Despite my disgust at how he has treated me the worrying thing about this is that I still want to meet him, despite him making it clear that he is now in a relationship with this other person. Am I best off waiting for him to see if he contacts me should this relationship fail or do I find someone else. How can I avoid this situation happening again with future love interests as I really feel very very hurt by the actions of this guy?
    Go for someone else. Unless you're okay with being an option B?!

    As for avoiding it.. That's the difficult part especially for dating websites where there's a possibility the person on the other end is talking to several people at once.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a problem because I met a guy online who I thought was perfect for me. We were both looking for a serious relationship We had been talking for 6 weeks all with the intent of meeting. I explained to him that due to my job I had difficulty in seeing him during the week and when we asked each other to meet on a couple of the weekends either I was working on that specific weekend or he was busy when I was free. We finally agreed to meet on a day which was suitable for both of us and he suggested we go to a specific Thai restaurant and he said he would call me nearer the time for final confirmation.

    However I never heard anything from him for 12 days and I wanted to give him space and not appear needy or clingy. Before this 12 day gap we were messaging evry 2-3 days, sometimes daily at the start so this 12 gap was the longest we’d gone without talking to each other.

    I then messaged him saying hi how are you because it had got to the start of the week that we were due to meet and he hadn’t contacted me at that point. He then told me that within the last week’s he had met someone else and felt guilty talking to me outside of that. I was devastated and absolutely shocked as I never thought he would see someone else. I had explained to him at the start of our communication that I was bsuy for the next few weeks but would be free to meet up from mid May onwards and he told me he was willing to wait. I then messaged him to see if my unavailability was the reason for him seeing someone else and he said no it was purely because he had met this person very frequently during the last 2 weeks. He then told me that he is uncomfortable to continue to talk to me as he has started to see this person properly. He then wished me luck with my search for someone else.

    I am absolutely shocked at how he has behaved. I actually deleted my dating profile out of respect for him because I didn’t want other guys messaging me when I was trying to get to know him. I really felt a connection with him and am just so upset at how things have turned out. I can’t believe that he just stopped messaging me and started seeing someone else, as if my feelings do not matter. Had I not messaged him to say hi how are you, he would not have even told me that he met someone else. I suspect he just expected me to disappear and not contact him.

    Despite my disgust at how he has treated me the worrying thing about this is that I still want to meet him, despite him making it clear that he is now in a relationship with this other person. Am I best off waiting for him to see if he contacts me should this relationship fail or do I find someone else. How can I avoid this situation happening again with future love interests as I really feel very very hurt by the actions of this guy?

    You sound really new to online dating.

    Newsflash. Online dating is BRUTAL. Stuff like that is commonplace. When I first started I was shocked too at how cutthroat the whole thing was. I ended up going apesh*t on some girl who I had been chatting with for 3 weeks who started ignoring me DAYS before the date. 2 weeks later I was drunk browsing pof and just let her have it. She ended up blocking me lol.

    All I can say, that if you are going to continue online dating you will need to have a much thicker skin as this sort of stuff is too common. Also, rookie mistake .. That you took far too long to meet him, people get bored quickly online and with the ever expanding sea of options many will easily get distracted by someone else. They don't call I plentyoffish for nothing, ain't no one got time to be chatting for 6 weeks plus and no meet. 2/3 weeks MAX, and if you were a male I would recommend you meet her in under a week. I've never been able to meet girls if I haven't gotten them out within a week, people have very short attention spans on there.

    You need to stop online dating, or toughen up cause this sort of thing is very likely to happen again. You are lucky he even eventually levelled with you. Often when I am chatting to a girl a few days later I notice that she's no longer a member and has deleted her profile, no explanation from her or nothing. Such is the brutality of online dating
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    You sound really new to online dating.

    Newsflash. Online dating is BRUTAL. Stuff like that is commonplace. When I first started I was shocked too at how cutthroat the whole thing was. I ended up going apesh*t on some girl who I had been chatting with for 3 weeks who started ignoring me DAYS before the date. 2 weeks later I was drunk browsing pof and just let her have it. She ended up blocking me lol.

    All I can say, that if you are going to continue online dating you will need to have a much thicker skin as this sort of stuff is too common. Also, rookie mistake .. That you took far too long to meet him, people get bored quickly online and with the ever expanding sea of options many will easily get distracted by someone else. They don't call I plentyoffish for nothing, ain't no one got time to be chatting for 6 weeks plus and no meet. 2/3 weeks MAX, and if you were a male I would recommend you meet her in under a week. I've never been able to meet girls if I haven't gotten them out within a week, people have very short attention spans on there.

    You need to stop online dating, or toughen up cause this sort of thing is very likely to happen again. You are lucky he even eventually levelled with you. Often when I am chatting to a girl a few days later I notice that she's no longer a member and has deleted her profile, no explanation from her or nothing. Such is the brutality of online dating
    This is right on the money as they say.
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    You sound really new to online dating.

    Newsflash. Online dating is BRUTAL. Stuff like that is commonplace. When I first started I was shocked too at how cutthroat the whole thing was. I ended up going apesh*t on some girl who I had been chatting with for 3 weeks who started ignoring me DAYS before the date. 2 weeks later I was drunk browsing pof and just let her have it. She ended up blocking me lol.

    All I can say, that if you are going to continue online dating you will need to have a much thicker skin as this sort of stuff is too common. Also, rookie mistake .. That you took far too long to meet him, people get bored quickly online and with the ever expanding sea of options many will easily get distracted by someone else. They don't call I plentyoffish for nothing, ain't no one got time to be chatting for 6 weeks plus and no meet. 2/3 weeks MAX, and if you were a male I would recommend you meet her in under a week. I've never been able to meet girls if I haven't gotten them out within a week, people have very short attention spans on there.

    You need to stop online dating, or toughen up cause this sort of thing is very likely to happen again. You are lucky he even eventually levelled with you. Often when I am chatting to a girl a few days later I notice that she's no longer a member and has deleted her profile, no explanation from her or nothing. Such is the brutality of online dating

    What he said. The longer you leave the meet up, the more likely the guy will lose interest. You also build up all these expectations of the person (it sounds like you have already) and in reality the person isn't what you expected. Its better to meet up asap and take it from there.
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    Don't settle for being second best.

    Set up your profile again, block his account, and see who else comes along.
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    Thanks for the advice everyone. I really do appreciate it. I just feel very silly and pathetic at the moment because I really liked this guy and honestly thought we were a great match. I guess I'm still in shock over the way people behave on onions dating - I can only guess it's because there are no ramifications like there would be had I been introduced to him via friends etc...

    But is it normally for me to still be upset about this? I found out on Monday just before I was about to go to sleep and am still upset because I keep thinking of the opportunity that I've lost and then keep blaming myself for not meeting him earlier?
    • #1
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    You sound really new to online dating.

    Newsflash. Online dating is BRUTAL. Stuff like that is commonplace. When I first started I was shocked too at how cutthroat the whole thing was. I ended up going apesh*t on some girl who I had been chatting with for 3 weeks who started ignoring me DAYS before the date. 2 weeks later I was drunk browsing pof and just let her have it. She ended up blocking me lol.

    All I can say, that if you are going to continue online dating you will need to have a much thicker skin as this sort of stuff is too common. Also, rookie mistake .. That you took far too long to meet him, people get bored quickly online and with the ever expanding sea of options many will easily get distracted by someone else. They don't call I plentyoffish for nothing, ain't no one got time to be chatting for 6 weeks plus and no meet. 2/3 weeks MAX, and if you were a male I would recommend you meet her in under a week. I've never been able to meet girls if I haven't gotten them out within a week, people have very short attention spans on there.

    You need to stop online dating, or toughen up cause this sort of thing is very likely to happen again. You are lucky he even eventually levelled with you. Often when I am chatting to a girl a few days later I notice that she's no longer a member and has deleted her profile, no explanation from her or nothing. Such is the brutality of online dating
    Thank you for your response. Yeah I am new to online dating - still so shocked that this sort of thing happens but I guess I didn't really understand what online dating is like until this experience and your message. I did send him a final text explaining how I felt and he replied that he's sorry and good luck with my search....

    I do wonder whether it will actually last with this girl and whether he's just experiencing the exciting part of the beginning of a new relationship. I just think he was harsh to not even meet me after messaging for so long and telling me he would wait and then jumping into a relationship with someone who was readily available....
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    If you decide to continue online dating learn from this experience and with practice you will get better. You've been blindsided, but now you have a more realistic idea of the process. Good luck.
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    Never wait around to be someone's sloppy seconds.
    Unfortunately this is not uncommon, online dating is still relatively new to the mass of society and consequently an etiquette hasn't really fallen into place in regards to how we should treat each other in an online setting. You've just got to remind yourself that nothing is official or concrete until you've met the person in real life and have confirmed your feelings for each other.
    Also, I know you've been busy with work etc but if you get the feeling that you really like somebody, arrange to meet them as soon as possible... within the first couple of weeks! This is the time when people get most excited about who they are talking to it's a bit like getting 'butterflies in your stomach', but after the exciting chit-chat has finished it starts to get boring and consequently you become less appealing. Hope this helps! Onwards and upwards.
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    Real life>Online

    If i was talking to a girl that was very intresting and likeable online, but i happened to meet a girl who is slightly less fun in real life. I would take my chances witht the one in real life.

    Why you so shocked? He told you the reason, done and dusted. I would have did the same thing. You can't blame the guy, tbh blame yourself. If you liked him so much, why were you trying to put up that act of not being clingy....

    I don't get girls, i don't get society...

    You tried to play it cool, and lost the man of your dreams. Is it me or is that not funny?
 
 
 
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