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    Hi,

    I've made this Essay on Of Mice and Men, I wanted to know if there is anywhere I can improve or if there are any quotes I am missing - if somebody could let me know what I am doing wrong I would really appreciate it. I don't really know what to add to make this better - I can't really think of much, anyway, here is the extract:

    In this passage (intro of slim, "A tall man..."), how does Steinbeck present Slim? Refer closely to the passage in your answer.
    Steinbeck has eloquently presented the character of Slim throughout the extract given, as well as throughout the whole of the novella. The character is intricately described to have every smallest feature emphasised to be a positive, this shows Steinbeck’s intended reflection upon the reader.
    In the extract, Slim is described to have achieved the American Dream, a dream held by many Americans to own their own piece of land. Slim is known as one of the “master craftsmen” showing how he has worked for his position, another common viewpoint of ranch workers on how to achieve the American Dream. The idea of Slim having achieved the American Dream is supported by the fact that he is described as a ”tall man” which shows how he is physically and metaphorically elevated above the other standard ranch workers in the play; this also creates a strong contrast with the character of Curley whom of which is described to be small, possibly reflecting his power over the ranch workers also. This shows how it is possible that Slim is portrayed to have achieved the American Dream, which would explain why the character shows no ambition throughout the novella.
    However, despite the fact that Slim is described to be elevated above other ranch workers, the character is wearing “blue jeans and a short denim jacket” as the other ranch workers such as George and Lennie do, which shows how the character may in fact be no different. Furthermore, he shares the same bunkhouse, so may in fact be the same as the other ranch workers. The idea of Slim achieving the American Dream is counteracted through the mentioning of fate, which is believed in by Steinbeck as the name of the play changed to be based upon Robert Burns’ “To be a Mouse”, which is a poem based upon fate, “Of Mice and Men” is a line taken from this poem. This shows how Slim may be fated to run the ranch, but cannot achieve the American Dream as one must work to achieve this, and the character achieves nothing throughout his time at the ranch, the character may be fated to live the same existence as others, with slightly higher responsibility.

    As I've said, the essay is not finished, I just really don't know what to add, nor what I am doing wrong / right.

    Thanks
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    (Original post by DW_0505)
    Hi,

    I've made this Essay on Of Mice and Men, I wanted to know if there is anywhere I can improve or if there are any quotes I am missing - if somebody could let me know what I am doing wrong I would really appreciate it. I don't really know what to add to make this better - I can't really think of much, anyway, here is the extract:

    In this passage (intro of slim, "A tall man...", how does Steinbeck present Slim? Refer closely to the passage in your answer.
    Steinbeck has eloquently presented the character of Slim throughout the extract given, as well as throughout the whole of the novella. The character is intricately described to have every smallest feature emphasised to be a positive, this shows Steinbeck’s intended reflection upon the reader.
    In the extract, Slim is described to have achieved the American Dream, a dream held by many Americans to own their own piece of land. Slim is known as one of the “master craftsmen” showing how he has worked for his position, another common viewpoint of ranch workers on how to achieve the American Dream. The idea of Slim having achieved the American Dream is supported by the fact that he is described as a ”tall man” which shows how he is physically and metaphorically elevated above the other standard ranch workers in the play; this also creates a strong contrast with the character of Curley whom of which is described to be small, possibly reflecting his power over the ranch workers also. This shows how it is possible that Slim is portrayed to have achieved the American Dream, which would explain why the character shows no ambition throughout the novella.
    However, despite the fact that Slim is described to be elevated above other ranch workers, the character is wearing “blue jeans and a short denim jacket” as the other ranch workers such as George and Lennie do, which shows how the character may in fact be no different. Furthermore, he shares the same bunkhouse, so may in fact be the same as the other ranch workers. The idea of Slim achieving the American Dream is counteracted through the mentioning of fate, which is believed in by Steinbeck as the name of the play changed to be based upon Robert Burns’ “To be a Mouse”, which is a poem based upon fate, “Of Mice and Men” is a line taken from this poem. This shows how Slim may be fated to run the ranch, but cannot achieve the American Dream as one must work to achieve this, and the character achieves nothing throughout his time at the ranch, the character may be fated to live the same existence as others, with slightly higher responsibility.

    As I've said, the essay is not finished, I just really don't know what to add, nor what I am doing wrong / right.

    Thanks
    That would be an A* answer in my opinion
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    Thats a great answer. The only thing id say to do is use a few more quotes from the extract. Otherwise its a very strong answer
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    (Original post by zXcodeXz)
    That would be an A* answer in my opinion
    That helped me quite a lot as I was looking for the character analysis of Slim.
    Thanks a lot.
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    (Original post by Darshan98)
    That helped me quite a lot as I was looking for the character analysis of Slim.
    Thanks a lot.
    Is that sarcasm?
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    (Original post by zXcodeXz)
    Is that sarcasm?
    No. What makes you think so?
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    (Original post by Darshan98)
    No. What makes you think so?
    Oh sorry about that because quite a lot of people are sarcastic and I don't see it your welcome! and sorry about that
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    I love this! Brilliantly written.
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    Vocab is great omg, this is a great way to begin your essay. My teacher always tells me to make sure I include Steinbeck's intention and the effect on the readers, this will definitely put you in the top band
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    Thanks for all of your comments, I had no idea that this was that good, I was expecting it to be really bad. Here is the extract now it is finished, I think I have ruined it towards the end however:

    In this passage, how does Steinbeck present Slim? Refer closely to the passage in your answer.

    Steinbeck has eloquently presented the character of Slim throughout the extract given, as well as throughout the whole of the novella. The character is intricately described to have every smallest feature emphasised to be a positive, this shows Steinbeck’s intended reflection upon the reader.

    In the extract, Slim is described to have achieved the American Dream, a dream held by many Americans to own their own piece of land. Slim is known as one of the “master craftsmen” showing how he has worked for his position, another common viewpoint of ranch workers on how to achieve the American Dream. The idea of Slim having achieved the American Dream is supported by the fact that he is described as a ”tall man” which shows how he is physically and metaphorically elevated above the other standard ranch workers in the play; this also creates a strong contrast with the character of Curley whom of which is described to be small, possibly reflecting his power over the ranch workers also. This shows how it is possible that Slim is portrayed to have achieved the American Dream, which would explain why the character shows no ambition throughout the novella.

    However, despite the fact that Slim is described to be elevated above other ranch workers, the character is wearing “blue jeans and a short denim jacket” as the other ranch workers such as George and Lennie do, which shows how the character may in fact be no different. Furthermore, he shares the same bunkhouse, so may in fact be the same as the other ranch workers. The idea of Slim achieving the American Dream is counteracted through the mentioning of fate, which is believed in by Steinbeck as the name of the play changed to be based upon Robert Burns’ “To be a Mouse”, which is a poem based upon fate, “Of Mice and Men” is a line taken from this poem. This shows how Slim may be fated to run the ranch, but cannot achieve the American Dream as one must work to achieve this, and the character achieves nothing throughout his time at the ranch, the character may be fated to live the same existence as others, with slightly higher responsibility.

    In addition, Slim is given celestial qualities throughout the extract, which shows how the character is superior to others and justifies the status of “prince of the ranch”. The phrase “His ear heard more than was said to him” which shows how the character is more analytically thinking and understanding than other characters, this is because he can interpret what is said to him with ease. Furthermore, the phrase makes the character sound full of wisdom and knowledge, quite contrary to other characters presented throughout the novella. Again, this shows how fate has caused the man to be more knowledgeable and have such qualities a “prince of the ranch” should, this shows how Slim has not achieved the American Dream as he has not worked for this, moreover, he has been born with such qualities. The fact that Slim has an “understanding beyond thought” again implies celestial qualities about the character as he can understand beyond what people are thinking, this shows how the character is knowledgeable and clever, which shows how Steinbeck has presented Slim differently to other characters in the sense that he is almost god-like.

    The character of Slim is described to have much kinder and gentle manners towards other characters, contrary to characters such as Curley who are rude to others. By speaking to George “kindly”, the character is seen to be more timid and inviting than other characters, which shows why the character is so well liked. Steinbeck has considered every detail of Slim’s voice down to the fact that it is “very gentle” which simultaneously describes the nature of the character. Whilst also being skilled, the phrase “hands, large and lean, were as delicate in their action as those of a temple dancer” which cements the idea of a gentle and welcoming nature of the character, the mentioning of skilled hands may allude to the character being god-like as these hands created the earth.

    Throughout the extract, Steinbeck has presented the character of Slim to be a well liked, and extremely celestial character through the complex use of language, and the implication of fate throughout.

    ------------------

    Let me know what you thinks. Any tips / feedback would be welcomed!
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    Well its safe to say youre going to get an A*. That was brilliant, it puts what i write to shame : P
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    There are strengths and weaknesses to this response. I'm a teacher so will give my honest opinions and be constructive!

    Firstly, I'm not sure I agree that Slim has achieved the American Dream. You say that means he owns his own land but as we know Slim does not - he is still answerable to the boss and works long hours etc for little pay with the same poor living conditions as the other workers. While I would agree he is more valued because of his skill I wouldn't agree that his dream is achieved. If anything his treatment of Curley reveals his disdain for the strict social hierarchy on the ranch and his belief that respect should be earned not inherited.

    Secondly I think you need to remember to discuss language more specifically where possible. For example Prince of the ranch is metaphorical and it's worth discussing the imagery presented there

    Finally, be wary with using impressive vocabulary too heavily - in places bits don't make clear sense and the meaning is lost in your use of language. In an exam you are much better off thinking concisely and making clear points rather than trying to use impressive vocabulary throughout.

    If I were marking this I would give it a low Band 5 - it's getting there but is not yet exploring language or context perceptively
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    It could be argued that his dream is different to others though. He keeps himself clean, he has authority, even over the boss' son! Keep in mind how itinerant workers were always temporary in places, how they always had to move around. Among all this hastle, the workers aren't expected to be so caring about self hygiene and presentation.Yet Slim seems like he is able to look after himself because he has secured his home and workplace ("Prince of the ranch"). You can make anything work in literature as long as it makes sense
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    (Original post by JustJen)
    There are strengths and weaknesses to this response. I'm a teacher so will give my honest opinions and be constructive!

    Firstly, I'm not sure I agree that Slim has achieved the American Dream. You say that means he owns his own land but as we know Slim does not - he is still answerable to the boss and works long hours etc for little pay with the same poor living conditions as the other workers. While I would agree he is more valued because of his skill I wouldn't agree that his dream is achieved. If anything his treatment of Curley reveals his disdain for the strict social hierarchy on the ranch and his belief that respect should be earned not inherited.

    Secondly I think you need to remember to discuss language more specifically where possible. For example Prince of the ranch is metaphorical and it's worth discussing the imagery presented there

    Finally, be wary with using impressive vocabulary too heavily - in places bits don't make clear sense and the meaning is lost in your use of language. In an exam you are much better off thinking concisely and making clear points rather than trying to use impressive vocabulary throughout.

    If I were marking this I would give it a low Band 5 - it's getting there but is not yet exploring language or context perceptively
    Okay, so elaborate on my language comments (Prince of the ranch implies...) and cut down on the vocabulary to make sure it makes more sense.

    What sort of grade is a low Band 5 - if I corrected those issues, what sort of grade would I be looking at? Is there anything else I could add to this in terms of points and analysis?

    Thanks so much for your feedback.
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    (Original post by ElaArslan)
    It could be argued that his dream is different to others though. He keeps himself clean, he has authority, even over the boss' son! Keep in mind how itinerant workers were always temporary in places, how they always had to move around. Among all this hastle, the workers aren't expected to be so caring about self hygiene and presentation.Yet Slim seems like he is able to look after himself because he has secured his home and workplace ("Prince of the ranch". You can make anything work in literature as long as it makes sense
    I never picked up on that, thanks for that point. If Slim comes up, that's definitely going to be in my essay. But somehow I'm not that sure he will...

    I was thinking minor characters like Carlson and Whit possibly? Or maybe Curley.
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    "Prince of the ranch" is figurative and presents Slim as royalty to the men of the ranch as he is a skilled worker and is therefore more valuable. However, the implication that Slim is a "prince" suggests that he is not at the top of the hierarchy but places his importance below that of the boss. We might imagine that Curley would be the Prince as he is the boss' son, but we see that Slim's ability and the respect he has earned from the other workers make him seem more valued than Curley is. Steiner therefore reveals that skill and respect are more valuable than inherited power, particularly to the men of the ranch as itinerant workers would have believed in the value of hard work.

    It depends on the rest of your paper and the grade boundaries for that year. It's likely it would move towards an A if part b was as a strong and your inspector calls response is also in Band 5
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    (Original post by DW_0505)
    I never picked up on that, thanks for that point. If Slim comes up, that's definitely going to be in my essay. But somehow I'm not that sure he will...

    I was thinking minor characters like Carlson and Whit possibly? Or maybe Curley.
    If they bring up Whit or Carlson, that would be very mean(((
    I have a feeling Candy could come up, and if he does I have so many great pointssss
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    (Original post by ElaArslan)
    If they bring up Whit or Carlson, that would be very mean(((
    I have a feeling Candy could come up, and if he does I have so many great pointssss
    I have nothing on Candy, that's who I'll look at now then.
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    (Original post by DW_0505)
    I have nothing on Candy, that's who I'll look at now then.
    Pm me if you want to know, do you have anything on Whit?
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    (Original post by ElaArslan)
    If they bring up Whit or Carlson, that would be very mean:((((
    I have a feeling Candy could come up, and if he does I have so many great pointssss
    Sorry to jump in, but do you mind me asking what points you'd put for Candy? (It's fine if you don't want to :) ) Just realised I haven't revised him properly, missed him off my character list :/

    Edit: Sorry just saw the other comment aha, never mind :)
 
 
 
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