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    Hello, I'm a bit confused and needed some advice on some family issues please. This has been bothering me for some time.

    Basically my parents split up about a year ago, and they had been having troubles their whole life. I live with my mum and siblings, my dad doesn't live with us ever since he and my mum split up.

    My dad is a very greedy and selfish person and wants to leave us with no money during the finance settlements. He was never nice to me growing up, and always said to me one day I'd realise what I've lost. I think now I'm starting to realise, and wish maybe I'd try a bit more with him and had general. But then I realise that I'm thinking stupid things because he was never nice to me. Nevertheless, although he hasn't tried to make contact with me I feel like I still want to talk to him, but I know that if I do he'll try to turn me against my mum and be a very deceitful person. So I don't know if it's his responsibility to talk to me, or mine to talk to him? Secondly I don't know if I should even be feeling like I want to talk to him because of his behaviour towards me in the past?

    I also feel like I've lost a lot of family members since there separation, a lot of my aunts and uncles aren't close with my mum anymore. And inside my mind I think what's the point of so called family if they Don't take your side? And I think that from now on I won't have any relations with them, is that a bad thing to do? I mean they haven't done anything to me, but they've bothered my mum by their judging behaviour, as in my culture divorce is frowned upon, and they've always took my dads side in problems that have occurred.

    I'm Pakistani and a Muslim, so any cultural or religious insights especially will be very helpful please.
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    (Original post by shazy2014)
    Hello, I'm a bit confused and needed some advice on some family issues please. This has been bothering me for some time.

    Basically my parents split up about a year ago, and they had been having troubles their whole life. I live with my mum and siblings, my dad doesn't live with us ever since he and my mum split up.

    My dad is a very greedy and selfish person and wants to leave us with no money during the finance settlements. He was never nice to me growing up, and always said to me one day I'd realise what I've lost. I think now I'm starting to realise, and wish maybe I'd try a bit more with him and had general. But then I realise that I'm thinking stupid things because he was never nice to me. Nevertheless, although he hasn't tried to make contact with me I feel like I still want to talk to him, but I know that if I do he'll try to turn me against my mum and be a very deceitful person. So I don't know if it's his responsibility to talk to me, or mine to talk to him? Secondly I don't know if I should even be feeling like I want to talk to him because of his behaviour towards me in the past?

    I also feel like I've lost a lot of family members since there separation, a lot of my aunts and uncles aren't close with my mum anymore. And inside my mind I think what's the point of so called family if they Don't take your side? And I think that from now on I won't have any relations with them, is that a bad thing to do? I mean they haven't done anything to me, but they've bothered my mum by their judging behaviour, as in my culture divorce is frowned upon, and they've always took my dads side in problems that have occurred.

    I'm Pakistani and a Muslim, so any cultural or religious insights especially will be very helpful please.
    This sounds deep
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    (Original post by junayd1998)
    This sounds deep
    Ermm yes
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    (Original post by shazy2014)
    Hello, I'm a bit confused and needed some advice on some family issues please. This has been bothering me for some time.

    Basically my parents split up about a year ago, and they had been having troubles their whole life. I live with my mum and siblings, my dad doesn't live with us ever since he and my mum split up.

    My dad is a very greedy and selfish person and wants to leave us with no money during the finance settlements. He was never nice to me growing up, and always said to me one day I'd realise what I've lost. I think now I'm starting to realise, and wish maybe I'd try a bit more with him and had general. But then I realise that I'm thinking stupid things because he was never nice to me. Nevertheless, although he hasn't tried to make contact with me I feel like I still want to talk to him, but I know that if I do he'll try to turn me against my mum and be a very deceitful person. So I don't know if it's his responsibility to talk to me, or mine to talk to him? Secondly I don't know if I should even be feeling like I want to talk to him because of his behaviour towards me in the past?

    I also feel like I've lost a lot of family members since there separation, a lot of my aunts and uncles aren't close with my mum anymore. And inside my mind I think what's the point of so called family if they Don't take your side? And I think that from now on I won't have any relations with them, is that a bad thing to do? I mean they haven't done anything to me, but they've bothered my mum by their judging behaviour, as in my culture divorce is frowned upon, and they've always took my dads side in problems that have occurred.

    I'm Pakistani and a Muslim, so any cultural or religious insights especially will be very helpful please.
    My advice would be to try not to think about it too much and focus on your life and doing well in life. Trust me, I went through something similar and my grades really suffered as a result of it. Just try not to get distracted and do your best. It will get better sooner or later.
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    Whatever you do dont go back to your dad, your mum can get help from benefits.

    How old are you? If you are of working age try looking for a part time job. Btw PM me. I cant PM you... (been in similar situation, still am. Only difference is parents haven't split) x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My advice would be to try not to think about it too much and focus on your life and doing well in life. Trust me, I went through something similar and my grades really suffered as a result of it. Just try not to get distracted and do your best. It will get better sooner or later.
    I hope it will, because everyday I feel a loss, not even just my dad but general extended family. Actually, thank god, my grades are good, this whole thing has made me work harder, although it still bothers my mind. I'm just confused as to what is the right thing though.
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    Do NOT, under any circumstances, try to contact or allow yourself to be contacted by the dad. He sounds pretty nasty. Focus on making your life as successful as possible, then show him what he lost with your successes. And don't forgive him. He sounds like an awful, awful person.
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    (Original post by Tetragon213)
    Do NOT, under any circumstances, try to contact or allow yourself to be contacted by the dad. He sounds pretty nasty. Focus on making your life as successful as possible, then show him what he lost with your successes. And don't forgive him. He sounds like an awful, awful person.
    Agreed. He'll be the one wanting to contact you on your success, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Be you, try your best and try to seek help in terms of financial difficulties. I'm sure there are people out there (organisations etc) that are willing to help you and your family in terms of money.
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    (Original post by Tetragon213)
    Do NOT, under any circumstances, try to contact or allow yourself to be contacted by the dad. He sounds pretty nasty. Focus on making your life as successful as possible, then show him what he lost with your successes. And don't forgive him. He sounds like an awful, awful person.
    When I think about it, yes he was pretty nasty. When he was nice it was only for a reason and it was pretence. I think that quite often, what you said, about making myself successful. But to be honest, I don't want to make him jealous or show him what he lost. I want a proper relationship with him, where he cares for me, but I know deep down its not possible.
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    (Original post by twhiddy)
    Agreed. He'll be the one wanting to contact you on your success, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Be you, try your best and try to seek help in terms of financial difficulties. I'm sure there are people out there (organisations etc) that are willing to help you and your family in terms of money.
    Yeah that's what my mums said as well, that when I have money and a good job he will contact me. It's not actually money that much atm to be fair, it's more how he doesn't care for us, like would he care if i starved? No I don't think he would. I just needed that support that a normal father gives, but I know I can manage without it and it will make me a stronger person but right now I feel weak
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    (Original post by shazy2014)
    Yeah that's what my mums said as well, that when I have money and a good job he will contact me. It's not actually money that much atm to be fair, it's more how he doesn't care for us, like would he care if i starved? No I don't think he would. I just needed that support that a normal father gives, but I know I can manage without it and it will make me a stronger person but right now I feel weak
    It's completely natural to feel that way (in terms of weakness) but think about how the people around you love and care for you. Your mum and your siblings, right? They love and care about you and because your biological father doesn't show that love towards you just shows that you are the bigger person and stronger than he will ever be. I hope this helps in terms of encouragement.
 
 
 
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