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Do I have a right to feel annoyed? watch

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    hi
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    You're being dramatic...

    She is your family member, and you don't see her that often. What she said wasn't to hurt you, either.
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    You're being dramatic but they were also being irritating.
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    (Original post by spv)
    You're being dramatic...

    She is your family member, and you don't see her that often. What she said wasn't to hurt you, either.
    I know she is my family member and what she said wasn't to hurt me. I don't know if you have experience with anxiety, but it made me very uncomfortable. If you want someone with social anxiety to be comfortable and talk to you, you probably shouldn't sit in front of them, stare at them while they are eating and fire rapid questions about their life? It didn't feel like a nornal comfortable conversation at all.
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    (Original post by narsmac10)
    Hi, I’m 20 years old and I have struggled with anxiety, especially social anxiety for years. I have just finished my first year at a new university, (I did another course for a year but decided it wasn't for me, so I changed), I've become a lot better at managing my anxiety at this university, we've had to do many presentations, group work etc, so I am proud of myself in that area.

    Ok, to the point, I was at my grandparents house yesterday and my aunt came up to talk to me (I see her a couple of times a month), She and the rest of my family have always thought I was shy and would push me to talk in front of family during family gatherings, I think that's one reason why my anxiety gets bad when I'm around them. I'm not sure if she now knows I have anxiety or just thinks it's shyness still.

    Anyway, I was eating dinner and she came and sat in front of me and starting asking me all these questions including what my thoughts are on the EU referendum, what I'm doing now that Uni is over for summer, (I just finished my first year of the new course), when I’m getting a job (I’ve been looking for summer jobs and applied to some) etc. Then she would say things like you need to talk to people, what happens when you get a job, etc so I said I have had a part time job before in a shop and she was asking what I had to do during it etc. Every time I answered a question she would ask another one straight after and it was becoming uncomfortable for me. Then she said I need to open up more, especially with family, because I grew up with them etc. I could tell she was trying to get me to talk more, but when I'm in that sort of situation where it feels like I'm being interrogated I start to get even more nervous and awkward.

    After I answered a bunch of her questions, she said she thought I was being quite rude (because I would look towards the tv screen and at my plate a few times, instead of looking at her) when really I was just very uncomfortable and felt ambushed. I started getting shaky and just wanted her to leave me alone. After I overheard her talking to my grandparents about it, and just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

    Do I have a right to feel a bit annoyed and uncomfortable,or am I just being dramatic?
    I can totally understand why you felt/ feel so uncomfortable about it. It was a situation anybody with anxiety would probably feel uncomfortable too. She did kinda ambush you I guess but didn't mean it in a bad way. Shes trying to help and just doesn't understand how you feel. It might help if your family knew a little more about your situation. It's hard to open up about it I know, but if you could slip a little info in somewhere it might help.
    Conclusion: you are overreacting a bit but it's understandable why.
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    You have a right to be annoyed, but if she doesn't know the extent of your anxiety then its hard to blame her. She thinks she's helping, and you should probably talk to her. As she pointed out, she is your family and they should know if only so that they don't hurt instead of helping.
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    You need to take some assertiveness training so you can get people to back off. She was annoying, but your inability to engage meant you were unable to deal with the situation, so she kept going.
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    (Original post by narsmac10)
    I know she is my family member and what she said wasn't to hurt me. I don't know if you have experience with anxiety, but it made me very uncomfortable. If you want someone with social anxiety to be comfortable and talk to you, you probably shouldn't sit in front of them, stare at them while they are eating and fire rapid questions about their life? It didn't feel like a nornal comfortable conversation at all.
    You have a right to be annoyed, solely on the basis that you have the right to do anything, but is it justified to anyone other than yourself? No. You feel that it was a rapid style interrogation, but in fact, maybe, it wasnt. You probably felt like you were in the hot seat, just because it felt like all the pressure was on you to reply. My brother used to do stuff like this all the time, until I essentially forced him to come out of it. That it's not helping anyone behaving like that whether he can help it or not, at least he can try. It worked. :/
    Something tells me, forcing you to come to terms with it is a useless tactic.
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    its totally justified for you to feel annoyed and or uncomfortable, and people saying otherwise clearly dony fully understand what having anxiety can feel like (remembering that not every case of anxiety is the same).
    it does seem like she meant no bad by what she was doing, and she probably doesnt know your exact situation so she wouldnt have known to act any different. but just because its not her fault, it definitely doesnt mean that its yours.

    i wont tell you to try and be more assertive or that you need to get over it or to stop being so dramatic, because that helps no one and theres no point in it. you cant just go against mental illness like that - if you could just act differently at will, you wouldnt have the illness.

    i will congratulate you on getting through the conversation, though (i may well have run away or started crying or something tbh lmao). i know conversation can be hard with social anxiety so im proud of you for sticking it out. im also really sorry you had this experience.

    hang in there though op!! im glad your management of your anxiety is improving and i hope it gets even easier for you in the future. ☆
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    You're not being dramatic. You have a mental health condition, it's how you deal with things and I used to be very much the same. Unfortunately not many people understand social anxiety.

    It might be worth trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone to get a bit more confidence and help to overcome it. It sure helped me for. It also might help discussing this with your family and trying to get them to develop an understanding.

    PM me if you want to chat/a friend.
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    You have right to feel however the heck you like, no one can police your feelings.
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    (Original post by narsmac10)
    Hi, I’m 20 years old and I have struggled with anxiety, especially social anxiety for years. I have just finished my first year at a new university, (I did another course for a year but decided it wasn't for me, so I changed), I've become a lot better at managing my anxiety at this university, we've had to do many presentations, group work etc, so I am proud of myself in that area.

    Ok, to the point, I was at my grandparents house yesterday and my aunt came up to talk to me (I see her a couple of times a month), She and the rest of my family have always thought I was shy and would push me to talk in front of family during family gatherings, I think that's one reason why my anxiety gets bad when I'm around them. I'm not sure if she now knows I have anxiety or just thinks it's shyness still.

    Anyway, I was eating dinner and she came and sat in front of me and starting asking me all these questions including what my thoughts are on the EU referendum, what I'm doing now that Uni is over for summer, (I just finished my first year of the new course), when I’m getting a job (I’ve been looking for summer jobs and applied to some) etc. Then she would say things like you need to talk to people, what happens when you get a job, etc so I said I have had a part time job before in a shop and she was asking what I had to do during it etc. Every time I answered a question she would ask another one straight after and it was becoming uncomfortable for me. Then she said I need to open up more, especially with family, because I grew up with them etc. I could tell she was trying to get me to talk more, but when I'm in that sort of situation where it feels like I'm being interrogated I start to get even more nervous and awkward.

    After I answered a bunch of her questions, she said she thought I was being quite rude (because I would look towards the tv screen and at my plate a few times, instead of looking at her) when really I was just very uncomfortable and felt ambushed. I started getting shaky and just wanted her to leave me alone. After I overheard her talking to my grandparents about it, and just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

    Do I have a right to feel a bit annoyed and uncomfortable,or am I just being dramatic?
    Of course you have a right to feel annoyed! Does your aunt know you have social anxiety?
 
 
 
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