Nervous and Clueless - Sex

Although I'm no virgin, I'm getting more and more nervous when it comes to sex. I'm a 19 year old male and I lost my virginity when I'd just turned 18 but have never had a steady relationship.

When it comes to sex, I feel like every other lad knows exactly what they're doing (at least they sound like they do) but I'm quite inexperienced and clueless and get quite nervous when I'm with a girl in bed.
This has resulted in me not being able to get it up on more than one occasion and it's quite embarrassing!

I feel like I should be better at it at my age and I feel like every girl I'm with just expects me to know what I'm doing. I know for guys reading this it must sound strange as it probably just comes naturally to them but every time I'm with a girl I get more and more nervous.

I'm not a geek or anything by all means, I'm quite a sporty, physically fit, not bad looking person and you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you I was a bit clueless in the bedroom once you'd met me.

Can I just ask, does anyone else get nervous? Does anyone else feel like they should be better at it?

And girls, do you expect the guy to know exactly what he's doing? And what would you think if a guy you got back to the bedroom couldn't get it up?

BE HONEST, I don't want people trying to make me feel better.

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Reply 1

welshprincess

I'm a girl and i get nervous incase i'm not good enough or incase i'm being judged about my body or something, i guess it's natural to have these kinda thoughts now and again.

I personally would rather a man who is unexperienced and slightly nervous than someone cocky who thinks he's a god in bed. Maybe that's just me? But i don't go for that type at all! I personally wouldn't be put off if a man couldn't get it up, it happens now and again. I'd just try other ways of turning him on and if that didn't work then i'd leave it. It wouldn't offend me in the slightest.

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, next time you're with a girl speak to her about it if you're nervous and if she's worth being with then she'll be understanding. Take things slowly and maybe try lots of foreplay before hand? That way you'll be more at ease and will maybe build up some confidence :smile:

I hope i've helped a bit! *hugs*
xxx<3

Reply 2

sweetface.

Anonymous

Although I'm no virgin, I'm getting more and more nervous when it comes to sex. I'm a 19 year old male and I lost my virginity when I'd just turned 18 but have never had a steady relationship.

Well there's your answer, if you were in a relationship then you wouldn't be nervous about it.

Reply 3

joz12345

i think everyone gets nervous its natural so try not to worry, i wasnt a virgin when i met my boyfriend of 2 and a half years but he was and he was so scared about not being able to perform and i was scared because what if it didnt live up to what he thought his first time would be like but its not like you havent done it before so it will come back to u naturally

Reply 4

Dionysus

tbh if you DIDN'T get nervous, it would be unusual.

Reply 5

Nalced

Brother. Your not alone. Everyone feels like you, well, with the exception of wifes and husbands and people who've been doing it with the same partner for years.
But for people like us, not experience and doing it a first time with a new partner. It's just scary.
Its like, how do you start? How you get into position, how to make it romantic and not just porno. The condom use, pressure of putting it on before she falls asleep. Hard? Slow? Soft? Look deep into eyes? Look at your own performance?
How long? Man, It sucks. Then we have the whole body thing, I have no 6-pack, I'm ugly. My weapon is too small and so on.
It sucks. Your not alone.
THinking about it. Sex sucks.
I'm more of a huger and grinder person guess.

Reply 6

Joric

We all get nervous in the beginning. But that goes away very soon.

Reply 7

goodmen

I'm more nervous about the fact i dont know what im doing properly, as in am i just supposed to bob back and forth and hope for the best.

Because thats what i do now

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

I'm more nervous about the fact i dont know what im doing properly, as in am i just supposed to bob back and forth and hope for the best.

Because thats what i do now

That's a point, what is the right technique? lol

Reply 9

Trigger

stop having flings and one nighters and learn your technique in a relationship

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Easier said than done. That would be the ideal way to solve my insecurities but it's a lot harder to start a relationship than just clicking your fingers. Longest relationship I've had is 3 months, I just don't seem to be cut out for them, girls get fed up of me for some reason!

I obviously haven't found the right person yet.

Reply 11

Trigger

So then why dont you wait till you find someone instead of going through this over and over again? Are you that obsessed with sex and being "one of the lads"

Reply 12

goodmen

No trigger, i just like sex even if i'm not that good at it. But then again i doubt you care about that when you can make generalisations

Reply 13

Trigger

goodmen

No trigger, i just like sex even if i'm not that good at it. But then again i doubt you care about that when you can make generalisations

Im not making a generalisation im trying to help :rolleyes:

all im saying is instead of trying to get your end away with a bunch of girls you hardly know wouldnt it be worth it to wait to meet someone nice and learn that way. I dont see how i was makinga generalisation

Reply 14

ßlαcksωαn

No I dont expect a guy to be super human in bed..well I hope he has SOME idea what he is doing. I think being all nervous and stuff is cute :p:

Reply 15

Kohl

blackswan

No I dont expect a guy to be super human in bed..well I hope he has SOME idea what he is doing. I think being all nervous and stuff is cute :p:

Agreed

Reply 16

Jonas13

Sex is the most fun we can have without paintballing or going on Youtube. Relax, enjoy urself, in the words of everyman's fav philosopher (Akon) "Smack that". Go on, get stuck in!

Reply 17

nmt_oli

Everyone starts off a novice! half the fun is learning, and if you find an understanding partner, just explain your not trerribly experienced so you can put your nerves to one side! If there more experienced, they can probably guide you, if there also unexperienced then just have fun and learn as you go!

practise makes perfect :wink:

There is also plenty of info out there on the world wide wibbly web, although some of it is rubbish tbh- so be careful. If you want to pm me i can link you to some good sites and messgage boards that may be benificial for you.

Reply 18

lcj

don't worry, i doubt any teenage girl expects you to be a sex god. i personally prefer it if the guy takes the lead, but thats basically because i'm not 100% sure of what i'm doing myself. honestly, i probably would be a bit shocked if a guy couldn't get it up in the bedroom at first, but thats because the few i've been with never seemed able to get it down.. as long as you made the girl feel like it had nothing to do with her, reassuring her you do think she's gorgeous sexy etc. and its just that you are nervous would probably mean they thought you were sweet, and not just another one of those arrogant pricks. maybe wait a bit longer before you have sex with a girl? if you know her well and are relaxed around her you shouldn't feel as nervous. every girl has one insecurity or many about her body or technique, worrying the guy won't be satisfied etc. so really don't stress about it! as long as you don't make the girl feel like its her fault i'm sure all they would be is understanding an eager to help!

Reply 19

slk999

i can understand your concern about not getting it up- being completely inexperienced myself i can't really talk, but i imagine girls could probably hide their nervousness more. i'm scared that when i'm in that position i won't get it up and to be honest i can't imagine a worse feeling. on the other hand, if you're in a relationship that's steady then i don't think it should be much of a problem after a while- just practice and stuff. i guess you could go with the outlook that you don't have to go all the way the first time? i don't know. as i said, not really the best preacher in this department right now.