Do you think this guy is a potential abuser? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I just broke up with a guy a couple of days ago, and to my surprise, he accepted the break up. He had tried to convince me otherwise when I tried to previously.

The last time we were together he scared me a litttle. We had just had a romantic dinner & went for a walk afterwards. During this walk, we stopped to kiss several times. One of the times he began to kiss my neck & I don't like getting TOO pda in public so I asked him to wait til later

His response was to place one hand across my throat (in public remember) and when I said he would get lifted by the police in a minute, he laughed and stopped. About half an hour later...we were hugging and talking. As I began to walk away, he pretended to kick me & made a reference to violence. All done with a laugh and a smile.

This guy is extremely good looking, witty & a bit of an over-achiever. Very intelligent & has been very supportive of my career etc as well. However...since breaking up with him 2 days it has been radio silence and I wonder if he is really gone for good.

What do you think about this incident?
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samina_ay
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#2
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What did i just read...
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Limerence.
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#3
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That's nothing wtf... Nothing to break up over. I definitely wouldn't call this incident evidence that he is a "potential abuser." I wouldn't even call this an incident tbh he's probably just abit kinky with a domination fetish


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Limerence.)
That's nothing wtf... Nothing to break up over. I definitely wouldn't call this incident evidence that he is a "potential abuser." I wouldn't even call this an incident tbh he's probably just abit kinky with a domination fetish


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I broke up with him over things. Since breaking up with him, this incident has been playing on my mind. I even had a nightmare about it last night.

I personally don't think it's funny to pretend to kick someone in public.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Limerence.)
That's nothing wtf... Nothing to break up over. I definitely wouldn't call this incident evidence that he is a "potential abuser." I wouldn't even call this an incident tbh he's probably just abit kinky with a domination fetish


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In private he doesn't lay a finger on me. Only where others can see.
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Limerence.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I broke up with him over things. Since breaking up with him, this incident has been playing on my mind. I even had a nightmare about it last night.

I personally don't think it's funny to pretend to kick someone in public.
It's not funny but it isn't a serious issue either. If you pretended to slap him after he jokingly said something, would you be a potential abuser?

God I say some crude stuff sometimes and my partner actually hits me round the back of my head or jokingly kicks me. It's not hard or with intent to cause serious pain.. It's just a joke. I doubt anyone would classify it as a "potential abuser"


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Limerence.)
It's not funny but it isn't a serious issue either. If you pretended to slap him after he jokingly said something, would you be a potential abuser?

God I say some crude stuff sometimes and my partner actually hits me round the back of my head or jokingly kicks me. It's not hard or with intent to cause serious pain.. It's just a joke. I doubt anyone would classify it as a "potential abuser"


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We had JUST been cuddling, having a sweet moment, when he suddenly went to kick. Not only that, he made a reference to having his hand around my neck earlier on. Something just felt off.

That example you gave with your partner makes sense though. You say something crude, she pretends to give you a smack. It's more like flirting. This was bizarre.
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Anonymous #2
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If you have to ask whether he could potentially be abusive it's quite likely he could be. Go with your gut.
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Limerence.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We had JUST been cuddling, having a sweet moment, when he suddenly went to kick. Not only that, he made a reference to having his hand around my neck earlier on. Something just felt off.

That example you gave with your partner makes sense though. You say something crude, she pretends to give you a smack. It's more like flirting. This was bizarre.
Hm maybe, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Anyway if you broke up with him there's no point dwelling on it


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shawtyb
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probably a power hungry nut job.
id steer clear but iv got experience with domestic violence etc
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Berke0
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just broke up with a guy a couple of days ago, and to my surprise, he accepted the break up. He had tried to convince me otherwise when I tried to previously.

The last time we were together he scared me a litttle. We had just had a romantic dinner & went for a walk afterwards. During this walk, we stopped to kiss several times. One of the times he began to kiss my neck & I don't like getting TOO pda in public so I asked him to wait til later

His response was to place one hand across my throat (in public remember) and when I said he would get lifted by the police in a minute, he laughed and stopped. About half an hour later...we were hugging and talking. As I began to walk away, he pretended to kick me & made a reference to violence. All done with a laugh and a smile.

This guy is extremely good looking, witty & a bit of an over-achiever. Very intelligent & has been very supportive of my career etc as well. However...since breaking up with him 2 days it has been radio silence and I wonder if he is really gone for good.

What do you think about this incident?
If he tries to beg for you back and is needy then he will be a potential abuser.

I know because I was like this with my girlfriend and I abused her plenty
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Hanvyj
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just broke up with a guy a couple of days ago, and to my surprise, he accepted the break up. He had tried to convince me otherwise when I tried to previously...

...However...since breaking up with him 2 days it has been radio silence and I wonder if he is really gone for good.
Why do you care, you just broke up with him? You weren't abused, and you've dumped him so it doesn't matter if he is a potential abuser.

Sounds like you didn't even want to break up with him, but did so because you like it when he begs you not to. Hence your concern about his "radio silence".

You just broke up with him, what do you expect? A regular call? Of course he's gone for good, you just dumped him! Were you not serious? Seems he took it more seriously than you.

Who the hell dumps someone and is confused they then go away...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by shawtyb)
probably a power hungry nut job.
id steer clear but iv got experience with domestic violence etc
he is in a high powered job & as i said is something of an over-achiever. sometimes i feel he thinks he knows more than other people/assumes they are stupid in comparison. Except for me (at the moment).

Sorry to hear that, btw.
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shawtyb
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he is in a high powered job & as i said is something of an over-achiever. sometimes i feel he thinks he knows more than other people/assumes they are stupid in comparison. Except for me (at the moment).

Sorry to hear that, btw.
stear clear
i keep thinking of mr gray in 50 shades O.o
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Betelgeuse-
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We are all #potentialAbusers
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username1726117
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People are so quick to label others as abusive.

It doesn't sound like he is. A bit of a nutter, maybe, but not abuse. If he was abusive, you wouldn't really need to ask us.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Berke0)
If he tries to beg for you back and is needy then he will be a potential abuser.

I know because I was like this with my girlfriend and I abused her plenty
Can I ask why you did this? Are you aware of the underlying reasons?
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Anonymous #1
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I am not labelling anyone, merely exploring the potential. My best friend's boyfriend is abusive and it never really came to the surface properly until about 1 year ago (they have been together 3 years). He was 90% romantic and sweet most of the time before that.

"A bit of a nutter, but not abuse?" Jeez, what's the difference?
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username1726117
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am not labelling anyone, merely exploring the potential. My best friend's boyfriend is abusive and it never really came to the surface properly until about 1 year ago (they have been together 3 years). He was 90% romantic and sweet most of the time before that.
And as someone who was falsely accused of abuse, I can tell you that it doesn't matter whether or not you say it directly, even implying it is bad enough. I'm just suggesting a little bit more tact, as you never know what may happen.

As for the difference between a nutter and being abusive, there's quite a lot actually. What he did was daft but unless he physically harmed you, threatened you, refused to let go or some other violent action then what he did was just plain stupid.
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Berke0
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Can I ask why you did this? Are you aware of the underlying reasons?
She was the first girl. I didn't know better, thought I had to have her and that no one else could have her.

Obsession and love are very different things. I resented her the whole time but for some odd reason didn't wanna let go
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