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Please tell me what you think of my personal statement! watch

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    (Original post by worried_mess)
    Yeah I am applying for 2005 entry, and intend to submit my application on september 1st

    well, magiccarpet, i already said in a few of my replies that basically I want to do business, and i want to do it because I find it interesting and the only lesson not boring to me. How can I write paragraph after paragraph of crap that isnt true?
    Yeah, I'm impressed that you're going to be honest, because I think that a lot of people do feign an interest in a subject which isn't there. I have a few friends who changed every neutral phrase about their subject to 'I enjoy' 'I have a desire for' etc.... which all suggested a fetish, and sounded fake.

    But you obviously have reasons for doing this course. Just tell the admissions people why you chose it - what you find interesting, what you hope to gain. Then sell yourself - why you'd be a good student on their course (can get in your extra-curricular stuff here)
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    (Original post by worried_mess)
    I dont want to write out this fanatical statement which is nothing to do with me, I do not have wet dreams over business studies every night, I hate school and I am not motivated!!
    You don't need to love business studies - but you should enjoy learning it and wanting to study it further. If you're really not that enthusiastic maybe it's not the right choice for you.

    Looking at your statement you don't need to make things up, though you could try and explain exactly why you like business studies - what particular topics do you like? when were you first interested in it? what have you done to show you enjoy it. You need to make the reader show you're truely interested in studying the subject for the next 3 years - if this isn't the case maybe it's time to think about doing something else.
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    Ok I am going into school tomorrow morning and I will re draft it, and post back here the results. Thanks guys!
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    May just be saying something loftx has said in different words, but if you mention a specific area related to the subject, it might show your ability to 'name-drop' about your subject, rather than just being a generic statement, which you seemed to be worried about in your first post.

    It could show interest in certain areas without having to explictly state that you enjoy the subject, which is clearly something you don't want to do.


    I think that's quite admirable; you're trying to write about you as opposed to what you think they want to hear. This could make it stand out from the other "I have enjoyed business ever since blah blah.."
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    yeah i know, its just quite a risky thing to do, im thinking about telephoning the admissions offices of a few universities to ask what they think!
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    Well, you don't have to do write it in a negative way... You could just put the focus on your aptitude and ability for the subject, rather than how much you love it. As you probably think you'll enjoy university life (I guess you wouldn't be applying otherwise), you could put the enjoyment emphasis (if that makes any sense :s) on the university lifestyle. If you just talk about being good at the subject and what you can give to the uni, the fact you're neglecting what you'll get from them in return may be a problem.


    Oh, Christ, I cannot articulate my thoughts well today...
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    Hey, I'm sorry to drag up this old thread but many things got in the way of me writing my personal statement.

    I really want to get it done before the 6th of Sep, so I can get my reference and UCAS form completed before the end of next week.

    However I am finding it really hard to start again, it feels like I'm at the bottom of a mountain with no climbing gear. I just dont have the words

    Any help would be most appreciated thanks guys
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    excuse me? i asked for help

    GIVE IT
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    PS Helper
    (Original post by worried_mess)
    excuse me? i asked for help

    GIVE IT
    Try looking on www.studential.com The Personal Statement section is very, very helpful and there is the facility to send in a draft for confidential review. take a look

    People already provided lots of suggestions on here for you, without putting up a newer draft, its difficult for people to help further.
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    Ok thanks A LOT THANKS
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    My brother is starting a business degree (with accounting and finance) in a couple of weeks, so I can ask him to make comments on your newest draft if that would be any help? He got offers from all 6 of his choices, with unconditionals at 3 so he must have done a decent PS.
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    I would actually try being honest about the only lesson you enoy thing, only VERY tactfully. For example you could say that business studies is the lesson that gives you enthusiasm and energy to work hard on the rest (You want some crackers with that cheese? I know my phrasing sux but if you could come up with something it would be very original and helpful I am sure).

    Perhaps you could add a little about how you "relax". Ok don't mention videogames or anything like that but I think one secret weapon is to make yourself look human, not just another piece of paper to be stamped "REJECT" or "ACCEPT". Maybe try saying a little about why business "could" be interesting to follow on in future life. A subtle hint of leadership and entrepreneurism would be an enormous boost.

    In my opinion, you could combine many sentences to make the statement more concise and easy to read. The first draft from ages ago WAS generic, but it IS going somewhere in my opinion. You just need a "lead" (first sentence to draw the reader) and a modest conclusion. I wouldn't end it by listing qualities. Or at least mention those first and then go on to say you hope they will let you succeed at uni.

    I hope you get through this; I am in a mad rush as well to have my personal statement written, and it screems generic just as much. Cya!
 
 
 
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