Please tell me what you think of my personal statement!Watch
Yeah I am applying for 2005 entry, and intend to submit my application on september 1st
well, magiccarpet, i already said in a few of my replies that basically I want to do business, and i want to do it because I find it interesting and the only lesson not boring to me. How can I write paragraph after paragraph of crap that isnt true?
But you obviously have reasons for doing this course. Just tell the admissions people why you chose it - what you find interesting, what you hope to gain. Then sell yourself - why you'd be a good student on their course (can get in your extra-curricular stuff here)
I dont want to write out this fanatical statement which is nothing to do with me, I do not have wet dreams over business studies every night, I hate school and I am not motivated!!
Looking at your statement you don't need to make things up, though you could try and explain exactly why you like business studies - what particular topics do you like? when were you first interested in it? what have you done to show you enjoy it. You need to make the reader show you're truely interested in studying the subject for the next 3 years - if this isn't the case maybe it's time to think about doing something else.
It could show interest in certain areas without having to explictly state that you enjoy the subject, which is clearly something you don't want to do.
I think that's quite admirable; you're trying to write about you as opposed to what you think they want to hear. This could make it stand out from the other "I have enjoyed business ever since blah blah.."
Oh, Christ, I cannot articulate my thoughts well today...
I really want to get it done before the 6th of Sep, so I can get my reference and UCAS form completed before the end of next week.
However I am finding it really hard to start again, it feels like I'm at the bottom of a mountain with no climbing gear. I just dont have the words
Any help would be most appreciated thanks guys
excuse me? i asked for help
People already provided lots of suggestions on here for you, without putting up a newer draft, its difficult for people to help further.
Perhaps you could add a little about how you "relax". Ok don't mention videogames or anything like that but I think one secret weapon is to make yourself look human, not just another piece of paper to be stamped "REJECT" or "ACCEPT". Maybe try saying a little about why business "could" be interesting to follow on in future life. A subtle hint of leadership and entrepreneurism would be an enormous boost.
In my opinion, you could combine many sentences to make the statement more concise and easy to read. The first draft from ages ago WAS generic, but it IS going somewhere in my opinion. You just need a "lead" (first sentence to draw the reader) and a modest conclusion. I wouldn't end it by listing qualities. Or at least mention those first and then go on to say you hope they will let you succeed at uni.
I hope you get through this; I am in a mad rush as well to have my personal statement written, and it screems generic just as much. Cya!