Should I tell my mum i'm having minor surgery? Watch

AB25
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Growing up my mum always said "You can tell me anything". Growing up, however, my mum was also extremely anxious and overbearing. She still is today.

I might be having minor surgery on my legs which will involve general anesthetic but no overnight stay. I feel quite optimistic about the whole thing and believe that it will be ok. I am aware that there are risks associated with all medical procedures and the risks in this case are small.

My mum, however, will blow it out of proportion. This is the woman who wouldn't let me drive from one city to another (despite having had a full driving license for over three years) "Because I could die".

She will panic at the thought of my having surgery and try to talk me out of it. "What if you die on the operating table?" "What if you get an infection and die afterwards?" It ALWAYS has to be the worst case scenario, regardless of the situation. No matter how small the risk.

So I'm considering not telling her for her own protection and, indeed, for my own peace of mind. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions (21 years old). I know she might be hurt if she found out I hadn't told her something. But I don't want her to worry incessantly about it and I don't want to get worried as a result of her anxieties.

What would you do in this situation?
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Tiger Rag
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Given what you said, I wouldn't say anything. She won't be happy if she did find out. But if this was me and she did find out, I would explain why you didn't say anything.
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JS31294
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I think it is completely what you think is best. But if it was me, my mam has always said to me you can tell me anything aswell, and i think even though she may be 'overbearing' i think you should still tell her.

At the end of the day your her child and i think sometimes what if something goes wrong in the surgery and they contact her and say 'oh yeah your child is here blah blah blah' she has then that to worry about. I think you should just tell her, try and reassure her as much as you can, then at least you have told her and then she can't say (if she finds out from someone else somehow) 'why didnt you tell me'

But like i said its your choice to make but if she says 'you can tell me anything' i think you should respect that and tell her.
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KLouSmart
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(Original post by AB25)
Growing up my mum always said "You can tell me anything". Growing up, however, my mum was also extremely anxious and overbearing. She still is today.

I might be having minor surgery on my legs which will involve general anesthetic but no overnight stay. I feel quite optimistic about the whole thing and believe that it will be ok. I am aware that there are risks associated with all medical procedures and the risks in this case are small.

My mum, however, will blow it out of proportion. This is the woman who wouldn't let me drive from one city to another (despite having had a full driving license for over three years) "Because I could die".

She will panic at the thought of my having surgery and try to talk me out of it. "What if you die on the operating table?" "What if you get an infection and die afterwards?" It ALWAYS has to be the worst case scenario, regardless of the situation. No matter how small the risk.

So I'm considering not telling her for her own protection and, indeed, for my own peace of mind. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions (21 years old). I know she might be hurt if she found out I hadn't told her something. But I don't want her to worry incessantly about it and I don't want to get worried as a result of her anxieties.

What would you do in this situation?
I had to get what I thought was minor surgery back in December, my parents knew about it and that was fine. I was taken into A&E as my symptoms had gotten worse overnight, at this point my mum was at work, and my dad took me up to A&E where I got told I was being admitted onto the surgical ward. At this point it was all still minor surgery...Until they phoned the hospital I was being transferred to, that's when I got offered an ambulance for the 17 mile trip. I refused as my dad was there, we phoned my mum and she came home from work and took me through after packing an overnight bag "just in case"!. I was promised 1 day in hospital and ended up in for 3 days, 2 nights meals included along with emergency major surgery.
The point of the story: All I wanted was my parents by my side for that 3 days.

I would tell her, even if she does flip out, tell her exactly what you are going in for, how long it will take, what tablets they will have you on for pain...Hell even how often you need to pee if it will keep her fairly calm. It will be better for her to hear it from you, than hear it from a hospital if thinks don't go according to plan. Hope this helps.
Gook luck with your minor surgery!
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Kindred
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(Original post by AB25)
Growing up my mum always said "You can tell me anything". Growing up, however, my mum was also extremely anxious and overbearing. She still is today.

I might be having minor surgery on my legs which will involve general anesthetic but no overnight stay. I feel quite optimistic about the whole thing and believe that it will be ok. I am aware that there are risks associated with all medical procedures and the risks in this case are small.

My mum, however, will blow it out of proportion. This is the woman who wouldn't let me drive from one city to another (despite having had a full driving license for over three years) "Because I could die".

She will panic at the thought of my having surgery and try to talk me out of it. "What if you die on the operating table?" "What if you get an infection and die afterwards?" It ALWAYS has to be the worst case scenario, regardless of the situation. No matter how small the risk.

So I'm considering not telling her for her own protection and, indeed, for my own peace of mind. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions (21 years old). I know she might be hurt if she found out I hadn't told her something. But I don't want her to worry incessantly about it and I don't want to get worried as a result of her anxieties.

What would you do in this situation?
At the end of the day it comes down to what you want to do. Personally though I would suggest telling her.

I myself get anxious and my mother is known for being very axious about some things (like her kids). I would freak out if I knew somebody I cared about was having surgery nomatter how minor, but I would still want to know. I also had minor surgery recently (laparascopy) and my mum was obviously worried, but if I had told her afterwards she would have worried about our relationship instead and why I didn't tell her. That's a much longer lasting anxiety.

The reasons you have are very wise, but personally I would hate it if I knew my family had not told me about surgery. Anyway on the off chance there is anythig that goes wrong she could likely feel guilty because she didn't know.

That said I wouldn't think you were crazy for not telling her either. Maybe you could tell another family member soon before and ask them to let her know. She has less time to worry and you won't have to deal with her immediate fears, but she will still know before you go in.

Whatever you decide it's your choice and there isn't really a wrong answer. It's your family and you know them best
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XMaramena
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(Original post by AB25)
Growing up my mum always said "You can tell me anything". Growing up, however, my mum was also extremely anxious and overbearing. She still is today.

I might be having minor surgery on my legs which will involve general anesthetic but no overnight stay. I feel quite optimistic about the whole thing and believe that it will be ok. I am aware that there are risks associated with all medical procedures and the risks in this case are small.

My mum, however, will blow it out of proportion. This is the woman who wouldn't let me drive from one city to another (despite having had a full driving license for over three years) "Because I could die".

She will panic at the thought of my having surgery and try to talk me out of it. "What if you die on the operating table?" "What if you get an infection and die afterwards?" It ALWAYS has to be the worst case scenario, regardless of the situation. No matter how small the risk.

So I'm considering not telling her for her own protection and, indeed, for my own peace of mind. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions (21 years old). I know she might be hurt if she found out I hadn't told her something. But I don't want her to worry incessantly about it and I don't want to get worried as a result of her anxieties.

What would you do in this situation?
I would tell her. Afterwards. Give her a reason not to panic in the future.
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nulli tertius
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(Original post by AB25)
Growing up my mum always said "You can tell me anything". Growing up, however, my mum was also extremely anxious and overbearing. She still is today.

I might be having minor surgery on my legs which will involve general anesthetic but no overnight stay. I feel quite optimistic about the whole thing and believe that it will be ok. I am aware that there are risks associated with all medical procedures and the risks in this case are small.

My mum, however, will blow it out of proportion. This is the woman who wouldn't let me drive from one city to another (despite having had a full driving license for over three years) "Because I could die".

She will panic at the thought of my having surgery and try to talk me out of it. "What if you die on the operating table?" "What if you get an infection and die afterwards?" It ALWAYS has to be the worst case scenario, regardless of the situation. No matter how small the risk.

So I'm considering not telling her for her own protection and, indeed, for my own peace of mind. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions (21 years old). I know she might be hurt if she found out I hadn't told her something. But I don't want her to worry incessantly about it and I don't want to get worried as a result of her anxieties.

What would you do in this situation?
I think I would tell her you were having an operation a day or two after you had had it. if she was comfortable with that, the timeline would merge pretty quickly and you would be able to trust her with similar information in the future. If she over-reacted you would be able to tell her that you had already had it and this over-reaction was why you had not told her before. Hopefully that would change her attitude in the future.
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