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How would you deal with a situation like this? (Texting) watch

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    Hi. So this person and I used to be close friends and we now live far apart. They only communicate with me by text, and they take an average of 4 days to text back but this could range anywhere from 1 day to 10 days. They also don't seem attentive during the texts, so they ignore parts of what I send them. Normally I would have cut contact altogether, but they do reach out and send texts on an ongoing basis, asking me questions about my life and so on - just under the conditions stated above.

    They don't communicate in real-time so it feels very impersonal and we can't discuss certain issues. Also, they can't be there for me when I need them because they take such a long time to get back. Also, I dislike the unpredictability and unreliability of the person, due to me not knowing when to expect a reply by. Also, because they take so long to reply and communicate so little, trivial topics that you'd normally go over in a few minutes drag on for weeks which makes me feel like my time is being wasted.

    I have tried calling instead but they ignore calls. I have tried asking for real-time conversations by text only but they ignored that too. I have also tried saying no more messages because I dislike waiting for you to reply but they stopped messaging for a short while and then re-started this dynamic again. It's been going on for 1.5 years.

    What would you do, would you think this was normal (i.e. to wait so long for a text back and never to have any real-time contact), and would you carry on communicating with this person?
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    You've been at this for 18 months?! Seems incredibly preoccupying and wasteful.


    Block them like you're erasing them from existence.
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    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    You've been at this for 18 months?! Seems incredibly preoccupying and wasteful.


    Block them like you're erasing them from existence.
    Not to mention saddening and frustrating.

    Yeah, I will cut contact now. It just feels mean because in this person's mind they have done nothing wrong and what they're doing is normal. So I'm wondering if maybe everybody texts their friends like this and I don't know ? I just want to see how other people would react. Regardless of whether it's right or wrong though, I'll still cut contact.
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    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    Not to mention saddening and frustrating.

    Yeah, I will cut contact now. It just feels mean because in this person's mind they have done nothing wrong and what they're doing is normal. So I'm wondering if maybe everybody texts their friends like this and I don't know ? I just want to see how other people would react. Regardless of whether it's right or wrong though, I'll still cut contact.
    If it makes you feel wasteful, saddened and frustrated; then it doesn't matter whether they think its okay or normal.

    I really don't think anyone texts their actual friends like this
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    wallah habibti, just cut them off. it's not worth the time or energy and it's upsetting you too
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    It's not normal to wait that long for a reply. I've only had to wait so long from a friend this week, because as he warned me a few weeks ago, he's away and may not have a signal.
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    OK SO I HAD A LDR BEST FRIEND WHO LIKE THIS EVER SINCE SHE GOT A BF.

    We stopped talking for a few months and then she begged to talk to me bc she had an argument with her bf like wtf but I told her I don't care for her because she doesn't give me her time even though I was there first and I was there for her when others weren't but in the end I deleted her number and I haven't talked to her since April. There are plenty of people in this world and you need to get rid of them. Oh and I knew this person for more than 2 years

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    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    Hi. So this person and I used to be close friends and we now live far apart. They only communicate with me by text, and they take an average of 4 days to text back but this could range anywhere from 1 day to 10 days. They also don't seem attentive during the texts, so they ignore parts of what I send them. Normally I would have cut contact altogether, but they do reach out and send texts on an ongoing basis, asking me questions about my life and so on - just under the conditions stated above.

    They don't communicate in real-time so it feels very impersonal and we can't discuss certain issues. Also, they can't be there for me when I need them because they take such a long time to get back. Also, I dislike the unpredictability and unreliability of the person, due to me not knowing when to expect a reply by. Also, because they take so long to reply and communicate so little, trivial topics that you'd normally go over in a few minutes drag on for weeks which makes me feel like my time is being wasted.

    I have tried calling instead but they ignore calls. I have tried asking for real-time conversations by text only but they ignored that too. I have also tried saying no more messages because I dislike waiting for you to reply but they stopped messaging for a short while and then re-started this dynamic again. It's been going on for 1.5 years.

    What would you do, would you think this was normal (i.e. to wait so long for a text back and never to have any real-time contact), and would you carry on communicating with this person?

    Omg i could not believe it when i read this. It was almost as if id written it myself as i was going to write the same thing about my weirdo friends. My friends do similar things by not replying back in real time or ignoring parts of what i send them. It drives me nuts. Ive only got 2 friends now as one of them dumped me 3 months before Christmas in 2015 just because i text her mum is too old to work. Her mum is 80+
    I dont know her mum's exact age but i did apologise as soon as she text back that her and her mum were upset. I even told her an advisor at the job centre said i was too old to do retail and that its a young person's game in the hope she would get over it and i told her this male advisor said i should only apply for good jobs that pay good money like Admin so i apply mainly for Admin and Trainee recruitment consultant jobs so if anyone at the job centre tries to force me into ****, low paid jobs like cleaning and retail ( ( mcdonalds) ill just use what they told me against them.

    No offence to cleaners and retail workers i just think if your going to do a ****, low paid job do a fun one like working in a cinema because you get to see free films, catering because you get free meals and care work because you get to sit on your ass and watch tv with the clients or take them to cafe's, cinema, shopping, etc and they all involve some cleaning depending on what company it is or the job description. But i used to choose only care jobs and catering that involves no cleaning and i was always rejected every year for many years by all cinemas online because they said i had no experience but i worked in a theatre as a volunteer for 4 years on and off as i'd go back when a temporary paid job ended. But working in a theatre is exactly the same duties as a cinema plus on the job description in cinema's it clearly states you dont need any experience.

    Sorry i went off track there but back to our crap friends, mine do similar things and when i tell them i dont like it they do exactly the same things. So to teach them a lesson when they text me i dont reply for 1 or 2 weeks depending on how i feel. This drives them nuts then they text back where are you?, are you still alive?
    So everytime they text you should not reply to them for 4 weeks just like they do to you or just text them about what they do then tell them you do not want to be friends with them anymore because of this. Text all the horrible things they do that you wrote on your thread and text them how it makes you feel, as you already did this try one more time to See if they change. If they continue to do the same cut them off for good.

    I dont have many friends so i can't cut them off, i just tell them not to ring me and to just text as i hate people ringing me for a conversation if i dont consider them real friends because their wasting my time. id like to be able to text talk about films ive seen or other programmes on tv but my friends cant even be bothered to answer or even aknowldge that they watched something so we can discuss it by text so sometimes i really hate them but its hard to meet new friends so im stuck with those idiots but i look at it like this, some people have no friends at all but at least i have so its better than nothing, even though their **** friends. But their so deluded that they actually think hey are good friends so i just tell them their not. Thats why one dumped me so there is more to the story than texting her mums too old but the old comment is what upset her more than the way shes treated me so i knew it was just her excuse not to accept her own behaviour. She still refuses to answer my text and never text back she has dumped me but i knew she had by not replying or texting she has forgiven me even after i apologised straight away so ive never heard back from her to this day but i dont care because anyone who is that unforgiving is just a loser anyway.

    I wish i could tell her that her mum is a Bloody Dinosaur, that would really upset her and her mum and piss her right off but i cant because shes already acted like a big baby throwing her dummy out of her pram, she wouldnt be able to cope.
    And shes religious too, their the worst ones for being unforgiving and the worst hypocrties. Some people say worse things about their friends mums or family members in arguments like calling someones mum a ****, etc so what i text wasnt that bad and i did apologise and we did not even have an argument

    I used to deliberately not answer questions they ask me by text too, ignore parts of what they sent and dont reply back in real time because thats what they do to me. They didnt like that either. I believe you should treat people the way they treat you or just dump them for good if they are that bad.

    Im not sure how old you are but if your 18 or over you can sign up with Citysocializer to make new friends. I tried friendship adverts online but their boring and you have to pay. They all say its free to join but its only free to sign up but if you want to contact anyone you have to pay. Even though Citysocializer is the same at least it seems more interesting than any other online friendship group as this one looks like it will actually work and you can make friends through it or just turn up to any events people advertise on their website because you dont have to pay if you just turn up but only if you want to contact certain people. I havent tried going to any events yet but i will. So just look at their website at least. if your under 18 just lie about your age on the online form so you can see what type of people are on it then you can go to any events when you are 18 but at least you know about that website so whenever other people let you down you can try to find better friends that will treat you good.
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    I'd make sure you tell them that you've kind of had enough with the delays/ignoring bits first. Send them a plain and simple message asking why they do this; that way, they can't ignore it and answer something else instead.

    If they can't give a valid reason, I'd just tell them that you've had enough and it's not good for you to be waiting on them for half-hearted replies. Offer to do calls only from now on and see what they say.

    I guess my main point is to make sure your messages have ONE question/comment, so that way they can't dodge it. If they do, call them up on it. And if they still dodge it, tell them it's the last straw and warn them that you'll cut them off.

    If you do all of the above, it won't seem like they've done nothing wrong because you will have given them your side of things. It's hard to let go, but it's obviously affecting your well-being, and if you've made it plainly clear to them, then there's no harm in letting go
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    I've already decided I will not be contacting them again, but thanks to the responses here I've gained the revelation that this isn't normal behavior between friends.
 
 
 
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