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How would you feel about your significant other going clubbing without you? Watch

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    there's nothing wrong with him going clubbing without you (but i think you need to learn to trust him)

    The issue here is ditching you to go out with his friends. If he's made plans to spend time with you then he should stick to them and turn down his friends, unless he invites you and you want to go. This isn't even an issue because you're his girlfriend. Ditching anyone you had plans with whether it be friends, family or significant other just because you've got a better offer is not cool at all.

    I would speak to him and tell him that if he wants to go clubbing without you then he needs to do it on nights when he doesn't have plans with you.
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    (Original post by VladThe1mpaler)
    there's nothing wrong with him going clubbing without you (but i think you need to learn to trust him)

    The issue here is ditching you to go out with his friends. If he's made plans to spend time with you then he should stick to them and turn down his friends, unless he invites you and you want to go. This isn't even an issue because you're his girlfriend. Ditching anyone you had plans with whether it be friends, family or significant other just because you've got a better offer is not cool at all.

    I would speak to him and tell him that if he wants to go clubbing without you then he needs to do it on nights when he doesn't have plans with you.
    The main issue for me is the seemingly double standard. We don't always have plans on certain evenings in which case it would seem to be cool, but it's the fact that if I suggest going out with my own friends seeing as he will be out anyway he will not like it. He doesn't like me going in nightclubs without him, whereas it's perfectly ok for him to without me.
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    (Original post by jellybabies22)
    The main issue for me is the double standard. We don't always have plans on certain evenings in which case it would seem to be cool, but it's the fact that if I suggest going out with my own friends seeing as he will be out anyway he will not like it. He doesn't like me going in nightclubs without him, whereas it's perfectly ok for him to without me.
    It sounds like you both have some trust issues you need to work on. You are uncomfortable with him going out without you and he is the same with you, that's not a healthy relationship. How long have you been going out?
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    (Original post by VladThe1mpaler)
    It sounds like you both have some trust issues you need to work on. You are uncomfortable with him going out without you and he is the same with you, that's not a healthy relationship. How long have you been going out?
    5 months, give or take.
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    It would imply that they are significantly less significant.
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    Couldnt care less...
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    it always happens, she's revising, sick, working.. or doesn't know/get on with who I'm going out with, I'm still gonna go out
    and vice versa. It would be weird as **** if she's having ladies night and I go....
    Or if I'm out with the lads and she turns up, it's less ridiculous than the former situation but it's still pointless. I'm not mates with my girl's mates?
    The only time I invite her along is if I'm so wound and pissed up that she needs to come get me, which is rare..
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    (Original post by jellybabies22)
    Lately this issue has caused a few disputes as my boyfriend regularly gets invited out to bars and clubs with his single friends. He's also a flirt and I tend to worry a bit and feel uncomfortable at the idea of it, but I don't like to prevent him or seem like I'm stopping him going.

    One thing that majorly irritates me is how the plans often seem to be a last minute whim, whereas if he gave me some sort of notice like at least a few days in advance it wouldn't seem so bad. I will think it will be just us and then it turns out to be a lads night for him.

    Sometimes he will invite me along but not always, and he says he likes to come home to me being there. If it were only a few hours I wouldn't mind this too much, but he won't come back till 3am, I will be in bed feeling cheesed off, and usually there's an argument about it the next morning.

    I feel like it's a bit selfish because I've turned down invites from my friends in favour of being with him, whereas he will happily go out and leave me at home by myself. I've recently suggested when he goes out I may as well go for a night out with "the girls," but I can tell he doesn't like it so it feels like the relationship has a double standard.

    Sounds like this guy wants to get with girls in the club and then wants to come home with you. Guys like that normally have a side dish (random hoe) and then come home to the main course (you). So he may have cheated on you, so I'll be careful if I were you with this guy.
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    (Original post by mr T 999)
    Sounds like this guy wants to get with girls in the club and then wants to come home with you. Guys like that normally have a side dish (random hoe) and then come home to the main course (you). So he may have cheated on you, so I'll be careful if I were you with this guy.
    We recently had another conversation over this. His friend invited him out on a whim last weekend and he turned it down in favour of being with me. However they are planning a night out in a few weeks so he says it will give me notice to make other plans. He texts me a lot while he is out as well. I do worry sometimes though as I know what his friends are like.
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    (Original post by jellybabies22)
    We recently had another conversation over this. His friend invited him out on a whim last weekend and he turned it down in favour of being with me. However they are planning a night out in a few weeks so he says it will give me notice to make other plans. He texts me a lot while he is out as well. I do worry sometimes though as I know what his friends are like.
    It's not healthy to only be with each other. You need your friends and a social life that doesn't just include him. He is not his single friends. He texts you when he's out? Why? That sounds very needy. You shouldn't need that much reassurance. What happens further down the line if he or you want a break with friends? A few days away?
    If you trust him that little then your relationship is doomed anyway. Your lack of trust will push him away and he'll soon get fed up of having to text and constantly reassure you that he's not filled with lust for every female he meets.
    You need to work on your self esteem a little. Perhaps you feel that you're not enough and undervalue yourself. If he's the right man for you he's not going anywhere. If he's not then let him go
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    (Original post by Sammylou40)
    It's not healthy to only be with each other. You need your friends and a social life that doesn't just include him. He is not his single friends. He texts you when he's out? Why? That sounds very needy. You shouldn't need that much reassurance. What happens further down the line if he or you want a break with friends? A few days away?
    If you trust him that little then your relationship is doomed anyway. Your lack of trust will push him away and he'll soon get fed up of having to text and constantly reassure you that he's not filled with lust for every female he meets.
    You need to work on your self esteem a little. Perhaps you feel that you're not enough and undervalue yourself. If he's the right man for you he's not going anywhere. If he's not then let him go
    He chooses to text me, I don't demand to know what he's doing all the time. I can go a while without hearing anything, but he usually texts me every few hours or so. It's kind of nice as shows he's still thinking of me.

    Likewise, when I go out instead of him he also likes to hear from me every so often and to know I got back safely. We don't call each other while out or anything like that.

    I guess all relationships are different, but we've always been like that. I tend to see most of my friends during the day rather than at night in more conventional settings than clubs and bars. His friends are the sort that like the partying scene a lot.
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    I always find it disconcerting when a couple doesn't like their other half going clubbing without them.

    If you actually think that he would cheat on you when out, then why are you still with each other? What's a relationship without trust.
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    Old OP, but if I wasnt interested then I would encourage them going to have a good time if its what they wanted and it was safe. People should trust their partners until they give good reason not to.
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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    I always find it disconcerting when a couple doesn't like their other half going clubbing without them.

    If you actually think that he would cheat on you when out, then why are you still with each other? What's a relationship without trust.
    I don't believe he would try to cheat no, however our insecurities seem to stem from our age gap. He is much older than me (20+ years) and fears I will want a younger guy someday and might meet one when I'm out. I love him very much and have always been honest that while I don't want kids for the foreseeable future (at least the next few years) it is possible I could change my mind. He (understandably) does not want marriage or children again at his age, and we are aware it is likely we would have to part if this occurs.

    It's very sad. I honestly cannot even fathom being with anyone else, but we are simply living in the moment. I give him much reassurance that right now I have no interest in being with anyone else, and similarly him with me. We have a complicated relationship, but we love each other a lot.
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    If he is going to cheat, he will do it eventually
    if not, then you're lucky
    simple
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    I would expect him to go out clubbing without me and I would have no issue with it because boundaries would be clear. I also would be going out clubbing without him and I'd act as respectfully as I'd expect him to. If couples are too insecure in their relationship to do this then I find that really odd.

    Imo it's healthy for both people in a relationship to have fun nights out without the each other, nothing is more annoying then when couples only go out together. The seemingly double standard in your relationship is weird and if it comes from his insecurity about the age gap then it will be an issue that never really goes away I think.
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    Neither myself or my boyfriend go out clubbing very often, but I'd have no problem if he did (as long as it wasn't an obsessive amount). I trust him completely.
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    I think the double standard is the biggest problem here. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel about that? If you can't be trusted to go out with your friends he shouldn't be either surely?

    You said he was worried you'd meet a younger guy when out? What if he meets an older girl?

    Also, how old are you both? If he's still young enough to go clubbing, are you underage? (not trying to assume or anything - people don't stop going out at a certain age)
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    Learn to trust.

    And that's harder than it sounds like.
 
 
 
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