Do I contact him again to leave it? Really appreciate input!

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Anonymous #1
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I had been dating a guy for 2 months when I broke it off over a week ago. I like to plan, he doesn't. It caused a lot of issues because I felt like I was chasing him & he didn't seem bothered (even though we always have a lot of fun in person). Actually, when I am not able to make plans in advance...at least by 2-3 days I feel a great deal of anxiety.

It came to a head last weekend and I said we should stop seeing each other for now. After about 4 days, I began to regret this & thought maybe I had been too hasty. We talked and at first he seemed hurt and a bit hostile, but he came around. I asked to meet him either Mon or Wed and he said 'ok, let's do that.' I asked him to let me know which day suits.

Now it's Sunday and I haven't heard from him in nearly 4 days. I do feel like he is punishing me (fair enough) AND my family has asked to see me for a nice dinner together tomorrow (Monday)

Here I am waiting around like a mug for him to confirm plans and yet I would like to visit my family tomorrow. Should I contact him one more time to let him know or just get on with my life & forget him for now? The last thing I need is for him to contact me tomorrow and for me to be like "oh I know I said I'd be free but I actually made other plans..."
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I had been dating a guy for 2 months when I broke it off over a week ago. I like to plan, he doesn't. It caused a lot of issues because I felt like I was chasing him & he didn't seem bothered (even though we always have a lot of fun in person). Actually, when I am not able to make plans in advance...at least by 2-3 days I feel a great deal of anxiety.

It came to a head last weekend and I said we should stop seeing each other for now. After about 4 days, I began to regret this & thought maybe I had been too hasty. We talked and at first he seemed hurt and a bit hostile, but he came around. I asked to meet him either Mon or Wed and he said 'ok, let's do that.' I asked him to let me know which day suits.

Now it's Sunday and I haven't heard from him in nearly 4 days. I do feel like he is punishing me (fair enough) AND my family has asked to see me for a nice dinner together tomorrow (Monday)

Here I am waiting around like a mug for him to confirm plans and yet I would like to visit my family tomorrow. Should I contact him one more time to let him know or just get on with my life & forget him for now? The last thing I need is for him to contact me tomorrow and for me to be like "oh I know I said I'd be free but I actually made other plans..."
Take the option out. Tell him you'll be in a location at a specific time. If he turns up, great. If he doesn't, his loss and you move on. Make it the sort of place you could go without looking like you're begin stood up (eg. coffee shop/shopping centre) - go there regardless. If you feel like you're chasing him too much then, honestly, you're better off moving on. I speak from experience. Ain't nobody got time for people who don't reciprocate.

As for family, they come first if he can't be clear and make up his mind.
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Numero Uno
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I had been dating a guy for 2 months when I broke it off over a week ago. I like to plan, he doesn't. It caused a lot of issues because I felt like I was chasing him & he didn't seem bothered (even though we always have a lot of fun in person). Actually, when I am not able to make plans in advance...at least by 2-3 days I feel a great deal of anxiety.

It came to a head last weekend and I said we should stop seeing each other for now. After about 4 days, I began to regret this & thought maybe I had been too hasty. We talked and at first he seemed hurt and a bit hostile, but he came around. I asked to meet him either Mon or Wed and he said 'ok, let's do that.' I asked him to let me know which day suits.

Now it's Sunday and I haven't heard from him in nearly 4 days. I do feel like he is punishing me (fair enough) AND my family has asked to see me for a nice dinner together tomorrow (Monday)

Here I am waiting around like a mug for him to confirm plans and yet I would like to visit my family tomorrow. Should I contact him one more time to let him know or just get on with my life & forget him for now? The last thing I need is for him to contact me tomorrow and for me to be like "oh I know I said I'd be free but I actually made other plans..."
If you have said about dinner and he hasn't bothered to go or reply I would get on with things then a few days later try and talk again. I dunno.
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Lord Samosa
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Go for the dinner with your family. He hasn't got back to you, so why cancel your other plans? You shouldn't have to chase someone so much. If he can't be bothered, then don't waste your time on him. He'll back to you eventually if he really cares.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Numero Uno)
If you have said about dinner and he hasn't bothered to go or reply I would get on with things then a few days later try and talk again. I dunno.

Should I let him know that Monday is now not an option because I am having dinner with family?


As far as he knows at this point I am still free tomorrow and I just don't want to get to a point where he contacts me say, in the morning, and I'm like 'sorry got plans' especially since things are...shaky at the moment as it is.
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SMEGGGY
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You broke it off then restarted the relationship, then say we're going to dinner at my relatives house? Yes I can see why he's not rushing to get in touch. More than likely he's making you sweat, why should he not. Or he's thought if she can dump me just because he doesn't get anxiety if plans aren't made in advance..... :rolleyes:

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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Should I let him know that Monday is now not an option because I am having dinner with family?

As far as he knows at this point I am still free tomorrow and I just don't want to get to a point where he contacts me say, in the morning, and I'm like 'sorry got plans' especially since things are...shaky at the moment as it is.
That's literally what you need to say. You can't centre your world around his if he isn't willing to do the same.
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Numero Uno
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Should I let him know that Monday is now not an option because I am having dinner with family?

As far as he knows at this point I am still free tomorrow and I just don't want to get to a point where he contacts me say, in the morning, and I'm like 'sorry got plans' especially since things are...shaky at the moment as it is.
Doesn't it seem a bit weird that you are kind of not together at the minute (i don't know your situation very well) and asking him over for dinner makes things a bit awkward i'm not sure. if you are together properly yes i would text to say come for dinner on monday but if you aren't really together at the minute just leave it as it is.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
You broke it off then restarted the relationship, then say we're going to dinner at my relatives house? Yes I can see why he's not rushing to get in touch. More than likely he's making you sweat, why should he not. Or he's thought if she can dump me just because he doesn't get anxiety if plans aren't made in advance..... :rolleyes:

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I have not told him that I am considering the new plan of going to my relatives house tomorrow. I do not know whether to contact him & tell him because we were planning to meet either Monday or Wed. I am waiting on how to confirm the day.

But at the same time we were both responsible for that break up - he KNEW he was acting in a way that had upset me. he's definitely making me sweat!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Numero Uno)
Doesn't it seem a bit weird that you are kind of not together at the minute (i don't know your situation very well) and asking him over for dinner makes things a bit awkward i'm not sure. if you are together properly yes i would text to say come for dinner on monday but if you aren't really together at the minute just leave it as it is.
Sorry, I haven't been clear.

My family has asked ME to have dinner with THEM tomorrow.

This guy has nothing to do with it. We have tentative plans to meet tomorrow or Wed for a drink, coffee or whatever. He has not confirmed - so do I confirm new plans with my family without telling him?
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Numero Uno
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry, I haven't been clear.

My family has asked ME to have dinner with THEM tomorrow.

This guy has nothing to do with it. We have tentative plans to meet tomorrow or Wed for a drink, coffee or whatever. He has not confirmed - so do I confirm new plans with my family without telling him?
Oh right no its me sorry, uh yeh get on with your dinner with your family definitely, if he hasn't replied or set up time or date there is no need to halt plans for that.
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SMEGGGY
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So....? anything? or is it officially over
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
So....? anything? or is it officially over
He cooked a romantic meal for me last night and we had a great evening

We talked about what happened & he told me (and this is the FIRST time I've heard of this) that he is on a 6 month internship until end of June & did not yet know if is he will be kept on. If not, he is actually from a different country in Europe He said that he took responsibility for not seeming attentive enough & that he had had a lot of things on his mind, mainly his uncertain future.

Well, now it seems like he doesn't know whether his job will be keeping him here for much longer or not, he will know in a couple of weeks probably. It sucks because I love being with him but also feel we grow closer every time we are together - and yet the fact he may not be sticking around is hanging over us...
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He cooked a romantic meal for me last night and we had a great evening

We talked about what happened & he told me (and this is the FIRST time I've heard of this) that he is on a 6 month internship until end of June & did not yet know if is he will be kept on. If not, he is actually from a different country in Europe He said that he took responsibility for not seeming attentive enough & that he had had a lot of things on his mind, mainly his uncertain future.

Well, now it seems like he doesn't know whether his job will be keeping him here for much longer or not, he will know in a couple of weeks probably. It sucks because I love being with him but also feel we grow closer every time we are together - and yet the fact he may not be sticking around is hanging over us...
On the one hand you seem to want order and planning, but on the other you go out of your way to increase your anxiety.

Just plan for both events and chat with him.
1. He isnt kept on and what you will do.
2. He is kept on.

That way you know what will happen in situation A or B.

Before I saw he had contacted you anyway, then just talk to each other and find a workable compromise where he recognises some of your anxiety and takes the edge off it and you feel comfy enough not to over organise and impose your anxiety. Its much easier if you both know where you stand and work on it together. He isnt a mind reader.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
On the one hand you seem to want order and planning, but on the other you go out of your way to increase your anxiety.

Just plan for both events and chat with him.
1. He isnt kept on and what you will do.
2. He is kept on.

That way you know what will happen in situation A or B.

Before I saw he had contacted you anyway, then just talk to each other and find a workable compromise where he recognises some of your anxiety and takes the edge off it and you feel comfy enough not to over organise and impose your anxiety. Its much easier if you both know where you stand and work on it together. He isnt a mind reader.
Well, I felt that by saying he might not be kept on/possibly not staying, he was hinting we might not be able to keep seeing each other? We talked about the fact we both don't know where we even see ourselves living a year from now and both have a lot to figure out.

Something that also became clear from the conversation is that I have more relationship experience than he does. But I think it says something that he took responsbility for his actions and vice versa. We seem able to figure things out rather than just argue!
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well, I felt that by saying he might not be kept on/possibly not staying, he was hinting we might not be able to keep seeing each other? We talked about the fact we both don't know where we even see ourselves living a year from now and both have a lot to figure out.

Something that also became clear from the conversation is that I have more relationship experience than he does. But I think it says something that he took responsbility for his actions and vice versa. We seem able to figure things out rather than just argue!
Hinting and guessing is a poor way to communicate as it maximises the room for mistake. Whilst you are clearing the air, then just deal with the here and now by talking to each other so you know where you both stand. Thats beneficial for you because it removes uncertainty and thereby reduces anxiety.

If you have more experience, then take the lead. Alternatively carry on as you are. It doesnt have to be heavy or dramatic. I just think its better to be on the same wavelength.
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shawtyb
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only two months? thats supposed to be the honey mood period!
i fear for your potential relationship with him
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Hinting and guessing is a poor way to communicate as it maximises the room for mistake. Whilst you are clearing the air, then just deal with the here and now by talking to each other so you know where you both stand. Thats beneficial for you because it removes uncertainty and thereby reduces anxiety.

If you have more experience, then take the lead. Alternatively carry on as you are. It doesnt have to be heavy or dramatic. I just think its better to be on the same wavelength.
Ok. I didn't push the issue any further last night because I could tell he was legitimately concerned about his future. It had clearly been preying in his mind and I did just want us to have a nice night separate from both of our worries.

I think it will become clear soon if he is going to be staying or not. If he doesn't get kept on at the current job and decides to move home after all, I guess that will tell me he is not interested in exploring things any further.
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999tigger
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Then maybe reach certainty in your own mind and treat it like you have two weeks left, so make the most of it. Anything else can be a bonus and if he goes home then so be it, although that doesnt have to be the end or you could still keep in contact. Im trying to nugde you into a way of thinking that doesnt let your mind run riot and instead you become a bit more relaxed and accepting of things that will happen.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Then maybe reach certainty in your own mind and treat it like you have two weeks left, so make the most of it. Anything else can be a bonus and if he goes home then so be it, although that doesnt have to be the end or you could still keep in contact. Im trying to nugde you into a way of thinking that doesnt let your mind run riot and instead you become a bit more relaxed and accepting of things that will happen.
Thanks. I am trying to take a 'que sera' approach at the moment. In terms of his 'home', I actually lived in his city for a year recently and will be returning again next year to visit friends. Obviously, it's not anywhere near the same as having him here & I would really miss him.

Why do you think he didn't tell me about this 6 month internship before now? I can't really believe it took him 2 months of dating to tell me this had a potential end date.
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