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Do I keep on trying or is it time to move on? Watch

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    #1

    Hi guys,

    So I've been with this boy on and off for over 2 years and he holds a huge part of my heart. Things have never been 100% smooth between us and yes we argue quite a lot, but most couples do.. right?
    We've had 2 lots of 7 month successful relationship period where everything was happy and we spent so much time with each other, but all of that has come crashing down just a few days ago.
    To cut things short, the boy has put us onto a 'break' with no specified end date, that's the part that kills me the most. We cant have contact with each other, I'm currently trying to focus on my AS levels (which I'm struggling to focus on) but I also cant talk to any other boys.
    I don't know where the fact he's putting me on a break is telling enough that he's lost feelings for me, and from that I should seize the opportunity to leave him now. Its a hard decision because I'm totally in love with him, but I just don't know what to do.
    1. What are breaks? What's that correct length of a break? Is it really ok for him to take control over me by saying I cant speak to anyone else during the break?

    2. Should I leave him? If he's having doubts, enough to make him not want to speak to me for days upon end, should I just leave him?

    3.Do I push harder? Do I turn up to his house unexpectedly and present myself to him, pleading for our relationship back?

    There are sooo many more details to this story including family and friends and their views on the boy, what we've been through together etc. but I thought it best to keep it short.
    If anyone could answer any of those questions id appreciate it so so much

    Thank you x
    (ps We're both 17, turning 18 in a few months)
    • #2
    #2

    My boyfriend recently put us on a 'break', now to me that sounded awful because I love him so I want to make sure he's ok and if his exams are going well etc. But the fact he didn't want any contact between us suggested to me that clearly he cannot care about me in the way I care for him otherwise he wouldn't go a day without speaking to me. In terms of your relationship you have to decide what's best for you, I know my break with my boyfriend will end in our break up so I have been trying to get over now and move on so when I comes to the breakup I can be strong. The question is do you think this is leading to a breakup? And if it is do you want to try and get over it now or later. It's also bad on his part that he would do this to you when you have exams because it takes over but like I'm doing you need to try and forget about him because chances are he's not at home crying over you. You should definitely not push harder, he's the one having doubts so he should push harder to reassure you and if you're on a break he probably won't appreciate this. The fact he's told you not to speak to other guys is interesting, have you asked him if he's allowed to speak to any other girls? It seems like he doesn't want you but equally that no-one else is allowed to have you either. He might be confused but he can just pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it, so even though you love him for your own sake I think it would be wise to try and move on as best you can. Good luck with you exams and stay strong, you deserve someone who treats you better than this!
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    Ask him what hes expecting to achieve with this break. I dont think its right for him to be controlling who you talk to if you are done, but maybe that truly shows he does want it to work out and he hasnt lost feelings for you. No one can answer the question for you; you should know him well by now and have some idea of what hes feeling. Did he say why he wanted a break?
    Unfortunately, most breaks that I know of have ended in a full break up, but thats just my experience. You should be able to talk it out, distancing when theres an issue wont fix much. Maybe he just needs his space?
    Dont leave him without knowing what his objective is. You said you've been happy, you should at least get answers before you leave it all behind. Definitely dont turn up to his door and beg for him back, as far as you've said you haven't done anything to apologise for. Hes being ambiguous, and like I said first, you need to get him to clarify.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Aykem)
    Ask him what hes expecting to achieve with this break. I dont think its right for him to be controlling who you talk to if you are done, but maybe that truly shows he does want it to work out and he hasnt lost feelings for you. No one can answer the question for you; you should know him well by now and have some idea of what hes feeling. Did he say why he wanted a break?
    Unfortunately, most breaks that I know of have ended in a full break up, but thats just my experience. You should be able to talk it out, distancing when theres an issue wont fix much. Maybe he just needs his space?
    Dont leave him without knowing what his objective is. You said you've been happy, you should at least get answers before you leave it all behind. Definitely dont turn up to his door and beg for him back, as far as you've said you haven't done anything to apologise for. Hes being ambiguous, and like I said first, you need to get him to clarify.
    Thank you for your reply, its really helpful to see someone else's perception on things.
    He stated we needed the break to have space and to stop the arguing that we kept on experiencing.
    He at first said we'd most defiantly get back together after the break until I posted a picture onto my instagram of which he didn't approve of and shortly said 'Ive changed my mind now, im not sure I want you back after this break'.
    We really haven't spoken much, solidly for 3 days now and its killing me it really is.
    I just don't know whether to wait on his reply or ask for a reply because the last piece of communication we had was I sent a very long message basically saying ill now give you space and how much I love him.
    This all seems so petty I know, but thank you, honestly
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys,

    So I've been with this boy on and off for over 2 years and he holds a huge part of my heart. Things have never been 100% smooth between us and yes we argue quite a lot, but most couples do.. right?
    We've had 2 lots of 7 month successful relationship period where everything was happy and we spent so much time with each other, but all of that has come crashing down just a few days ago.
    To cut things short, the boy has put us onto a 'break' with no specified end date, that's the part that kills me the most. We cant have contact with each other, I'm currently trying to focus on my AS levels (which I'm struggling to focus on) but I also cant talk to any other boys.
    I don't know where the fact he's putting me on a break is telling enough that he's lost feelings for me, and from that I should seize the opportunity to leave him now. Its a hard decision because I'm totally in love with him, but I just don't know what to do.
    1. What are breaks? What's that correct length of a break? Is it really ok for him to take control over me by saying I cant speak to anyone else during the break?

    2. Should I leave him? If he's having doubts, enough to make him not want to speak to me for days upon end, should I just leave him?

    3.Do I push harder? Do I turn up to his house unexpectedly and present myself to him, pleading for our relationship back?

    There are sooo many more details to this story including family and friends and their views on the boy, what we've been through together etc. but I thought it best to keep it short.
    If anyone could answer any of those questions id appreciate it so so much

    Thank you x
    (ps We're both 17, turning 18 in a few months)
    This is difficult position to be in, so I'm sorry you are in such a limbo. I have to say, I am very suspicious of breaks in most cases. More often than not, they are just the beginning of the end. People usually suggest breaks either because they are too cowardly to break up or because they just want to make it easy on themselves during the separation stage and sort out their own emotions while at the same time keeping the other person on stand by, just in case it all becomes too much for them.

    My view is that it's better for you to put a clear end to this relationship and try to move on. And make sure to let him know that you are ending this break from your end - otherwise you will still be waiting for him and he will continue thinking you are on stand by.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your reply, its really helpful to see someone else's perception on things.
    He stated we needed the break to have space and to stop the arguing that we kept on experiencing.
    He at first said we'd most defiantly get back together after the break until I posted a picture onto my instagram of which he didn't approve of and shortly said 'Ive changed my mind now, im not sure I want you back after this break'.
    We really haven't spoken much, solidly for 3 days now and its killing me it really is.
    I just don't know whether to wait on his reply or ask for a reply because the last piece of communication we had was I sent a very long message basically saying ill now give you space and how much I love him.
    This all seems so petty I know, but thank you, honestly
    No problem
    Honestly, from what you said he sounds very immature. Saying hes changed his mind about the future of a serious relationship based on a probably-insignifcant instagram post is childish to say the least. It also sounds more like a scare tactic to get you running around after him. 3 days of silence after a statement like that is a little dramatic, even if the break really was for a legitimate reason. Seems like even apart, you're still arguing. It looks like you're going to have to be the sensible one here to make this go forward; maybe message him and say you're tired of his behaviour and can he just say straight what his intentions are. If you let him string you along hes likely to persist, unless the post actually hurt him (assuming it wasn't something stupid like a picture with a guy). Dont let him carry on, cause right now he has all the power and you're here stressing about it
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Aykem)
    No problem
    Honestly, from what you said he sounds very immature. Saying hes changed his mind about the future of a serious relationship based on a probably-insignifcant instagram post is childish to say the least. It also sounds more like a scare tactic to get you running around after him. 3 days of silence after a statement like that is a little dramatic, even if the break really was for a legitimate reason. Seems like even apart, you're still arguing. It looks like you're going to have to be the sensible one here to make this go forward; maybe message him and say you're tired of his behaviour and can he just say straight what his intentions are. If you let him string you along hes likely to persist, unless the post actually hurt him (assuming it wasn't something stupid like a picture with a guy). Dont let him carry on, cause right now he has all the power and you're here stressing about it
    I've always thought he's immature but I've always found it endearing aha. I'm just so into it, stupidly I know, and what I want is to be with him so ending it on my behalf is just not something I've thought about deeply. But I totally get why you suggest it, maybe its for the best
    Aha it was just a holiday photo! (swimming costume)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Yellow 03)
    This is difficult position to be in, so I'm sorry you are in such a limbo. I have to say, I am very suspicious of breaks in most cases. More often than not, they are just the beginning of the end. People usually suggest breaks either because they are too cowardly to break up or because they just want to make it easy on themselves during the separation stage and sort out their own emotions while at the same time keeping the other person on stand by, just in case it all becomes too much for them.

    My view is that it's better for you to put a clear end to this relationship and try to move on. And make sure to let him know that you are ending this break from your end - otherwise you will still be waiting for him and he will continue thinking you are on stand by.
    That's what I'm terrified of! Looking weak and being stringed along. But I allow it to happen stupidly because I really am too weak to make it all end. Crazy what feelings can do to people aha.
    Thank you for your suggestion! Defo something ill think about
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    I think it's rubbish that you aren't allowed to talk to any other guy - he doesn't have a right to do that. It's like he's just keeping you in reserve and expecting you to be there for him if he ever changes his mind - you're completely at his mercy. If I were you, I'd just walk away from it all.
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    one perk of being single..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've always thought he's immature but I've always found it endearing aha. I'm just so into it, stupidly I know, and what I want is to be with him so ending it on my behalf is just not something I've thought about deeply. But I totally get why you suggest it, maybe its for the best
    Aha it was just a holiday photo! (swimming costume)
    I guess I can see why you'd find it endearing, but in the long run it could get annoying, you're already arguing and it pretty much seems his fault... Usually the "i just want to be with him" wears off when all this effort comes with it, but you guys are still young I guess.
    A holiday picture xD Wow... I'd still suggest talking to him instead of waiting for him to message, so you can take some control
 
 
 
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