Ok so a bit of background info. This is a long read and a bit in depth so no hard feelings if you can't be bothered
If you do though, I'd greatly appreciate any feedback
Thanks!
I'm 22, 23 in a few months. I've been single now for nearly 3 years after my first relationship ended pretty badly. It wasn't a long relationship, 7 months, but I enjoyed it until all of a sudden after she went away on a friends holiday I never saw her again afterwards (leading me to believe she cheated as she seemed to become a completely different person, but I'm just speculating). She did speak to me when she got home but it was torture as she just kept coming up with excuses as to why we couldn't meet up and talk and eventually she just said it was done with. It was over a period of 2-3 weeks were communication just dropped and I had no idea what was going on, feeling like I'd done something and not being able to see her to try and sort whatever it was that was wrong. It messed me up pretty badly I hate to admit, I was a wreck at the time. I feel that that relationship and the way it ended completely killed my trust in the other sex and put me off trying to talk to anyone new for months and months.
The next year, my dad died. As I'm sure anyone can imagine it was a horrendous time, and it still isn't easy but it's important to look forward and remember the good times. However, because of what happened I became a bit of a recluse and felt bad every time I'd go on nights out that year (obviously not around the time of his passing) because I felt I shouldn't be going out and trying to enjoy myself. My confidence in life again took a huge hit and one of the hardest things as well was having so many people who I grew up with through school and college have nothing to say to me, no words of sympathy whatsoever. This again hurt me and made feel like someone who was never really anyone who made an impact in their lives, I was just there? If that makes any sense? I don't know.
But with these things that have happened, my confidence has taken a huge hit. Its nearly 3 years since that train-wreck of a breakup, and just over 2 years of my dads passing.
I don't feel like I'm capable of talking to anyone new, even if its just to try and ask them out for a coffee. I literally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to girls. I have forgotten everything I thought I knew. I've downloaded Tinder in the past to see who's out there and to try and force myself to initiate something, but with every match I can't bring myself to do it. My mind goes blank and I just become stupidly nervous because I have absolutely no idea how I speak to girls anymore. I feel like I don't look good enough for anyone either. I'd like to think I'm decent enough, I'm no Channing Tatum, but I'm no Shrek either. Growing up through high school and college I'd like to think I did ok for myself. House parties were frequent and (with a bit of dutch courage) had enough confidence to talk to people. But now, nothing. Nada.
When I go out round town now, I look at all the other lads and just feel inferior, knowing there's a bunch of 18 year olds fresh out of college who have more bottle in their pinky than all I have put together. I'm nearly 23 for christ sake.
I just need to know if anyone in any way no matter how similarly or not has been through anything like this where sh*t has hit the fan and they've become clueless in the social world? I feel kind of pathetic posting on here, but I used to browse these forums a lot when I was in college so I know good advice can be found on here. Any feedback is great, thanks for reading!