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Constant calling ... Don't know what to do! watch

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    Hi,
    At school I had a really bad time with my 'friends' and only ended up finding a nice group in the last year. We went to different colleges and I only kept in touch with one girl who also goes to a different college.

    Recently, my mum has been having chemo and only yesterday had a really major operation which needs her to be in hospital far from our house for around a week.

    To get to the point ...
    Not at all at the beginning of the friendship, but frequently over the past few months, the friend is calling me A LOT. It is doing my head in!
    My days at college mean I'm out 7.30 - 5.30 each day, usually tiring especially when I hate college. I want to spend time with my mum. Yet I will get called up in the evening and she will be chatting to me on the phone for an hour most nights! Then I have to rush around having tea, revising, sorting the house out etc. And I'd rather not rush!

    Being forgetful, I often forget to change my phone from 'silent' to normal, and can miss calls. If I pick my phone up at any given time there will be about 5 missed calls from this one girl. Sometimes they are one after the other but other times they are once every five or ten minutes, making me think when she gets home all she tries to do is ring me!? If I called someone and they did not reply I'd assume they were busy and try again the next day, but she will ring me and ring me and ring me until I answer.

    What is more infuriating is that she is doing a BTEC which requires no revision yet I am doing 4 a-levels which does! And I also live much further away from my college than she does! And I work the whole of Saturdays where she has no job ... basically she has more free time than me but doesn't seem to get that!!

    I don't mind the odd chat, but she does have a tendency to speak a lot about herself (I would never feel the urge to ring someone up to purely chat about myself, I would only ever ring them if I wanted to ask if they were ok??!) Don't know whether that is me being weird or what? Sometimes she doesn't even ask how my mum is which makes me annoyed and doesn't make me want to keep asking her about herself.

    In her defence, she has been ringing up recently to ask about my mum as she is in hospital, but I have just been speaking to her then and she keeps wanting me to go to her house even though I explained by text and by phone already that I am visiting my mum!! And I also said I wanted to spend Mon and Tues with my mum before she goes in for surgery, yet the friend is calling round then!! I will be getting phone calls and texts whilst I am in hospital visiting, or yesterday, when I was out with a friend! Even that girl said she seems to call me a lot! And then when she rang up she was talking about how I was meeting up with a friend and was asking me loads of questions about it!?

    On one occasion I got 10 missed calls in the space of five minutes, all going to voicemail, and then voicemail messages start popping in! It's getting to the point where I deliberately have my phone on silent or don't answer, and I feel so guilty about it, then when I turn it on I have instagram direct messages, text messages, voicemails and missed calls! This girl does have her own mates at college so its not like she's lonely. What should I do???

    Oh and another thing. This girl refuses to believe I am in a relationship, purely because she has never met him in the flesh (??) He is at uni in Manchester which is ages away from us and when he does come home (once a fortnight), he's not here long so I don't exactly have an introducing-to-my-mates occasion?! And she never asks me a single thing about him, absolutely nada!! So I never tell! And when she's talking about relationships she always tries to include me in the being single thing so I just say pointedly 'You'll find someone' but I don't think she gets it? Do you think this and the phone calls are related somehow?:confused::confused::confused:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    At school I had a really bad time with my 'friends' and only ended up finding a nice group in the last year. We went to different colleges and I only kept in touch with one girl who also goes to a different college.

    Recently, my mum has been having chemo and only yesterday had a really major operation which needs her to be in hospital far from our house for around a week.

    To get to the point ...
    Not at all at the beginning of the friendship, but frequently over the past few months, the friend is calling me A LOT. It is doing my head in!
    My days at college mean I'm out 7.30 - 5.30 each day, usually tiring especially when I hate college. I want to spend time with my mum. Yet I will get called up in the evening and she will be chatting to me on the phone for an hour most nights! Then I have to rush around having tea, revising, sorting the house out etc. And I'd rather not rush!

    Being forgetful, I often forget to change my phone from 'silent' to normal, and can miss calls. If I pick my phone up at any given time there will be about 5 missed calls from this one girl. Sometimes they are one after the other but other times they are once every five or ten minutes, making me think when she gets home all she tries to do is ring me!? If I called someone and they did not reply I'd assume they were busy and try again the next day, but she will ring me and ring me and ring me until I answer.

    What is more infuriating is that she is doing a BTEC which requires no revision yet I am doing 4 a-levels which does! And I also live much further away from my college than she does! And I work the whole of Saturdays where she has no job ... basically she has more free time than me but doesn't seem to get that!!

    I don't mind the odd chat, but she does have a tendency to speak a lot about herself (I would never feel the urge to ring someone up to purely chat about myself, I would only ever ring them if I wanted to ask if they were ok??!) Don't know whether that is me being weird or what? Sometimes she doesn't even ask how my mum is which makes me annoyed and doesn't make me want to keep asking her about herself.

    In her defence, she has been ringing up recently to ask about my mum as she is in hospital, but I have just been speaking to her then and she keeps wanting me to go to her house even though I explained by text and by phone already that I am visiting my mum!! And I also said I wanted to spend Mon and Tues with my mum before she goes in for surgery, yet the friend is calling round then!! I will be getting phone calls and texts whilst I am in hospital visiting, or yesterday, when I was out with a friend! Even that girl said she seems to call me a lot! And then when she rang up she was talking about how I was meeting up with a friend and was asking me loads of questions about it!?

    On one occasion I got 10 missed calls in the space of five minutes, all going to voicemail, and then voicemail messages start popping in! It's getting to the point where I deliberately have my phone on silent or don't answer, and I feel so guilty about it, then when I turn it on I have instagram direct messages, text messages, voicemails and missed calls! This girl does have her own mates at college so its not like she's lonely. What should I do???

    Oh and another thing. This girl refuses to believe I am in a relationship, purely because she has never met him in the flesh (??) He is at uni in Manchester which is ages away from us and when he does come home (once a fortnight), he's not here long so I don't exactly have an introducing-to-my-mates occasion?! And she never asks me a single thing about him, absolutely nada!! So I never tell! And when she's talking about relationships she always tries to include me in the being single thing so I just say pointedly 'You'll find someone' but I don't think she gets it? Do you think this and the phone calls are related somehow?:confused::confused::confused:

    I think you should count yourself lucky you have such a good friend because ive got **** friends and most of the people on here are treated like **** by their friends or do not have any at all but wish they did or they have friends who do not keep in contact often so we would all kill for a friend like yours.
    She may be annoying and clingy but if you read most of the threads on here of people who are lonely then you might appreciate your friend a bit more.
    But just because i write this it doesnt mean you should feel guilty in any way for not wanting to speak or text her every day because she is extremely full on so you are right to feel the way you do but your real dilemma is whether to tell her the truth because she could be offended and stop contact all together. It really depends on whether your prepared to lose her friendship so its up to you to decide if you will tell her or not say anything.

    Whenever i have told my friends ive known for years or new friends or people i only knew for 2 weeks the truth about themselves they always end up hating me for it and dump me or stop texting or ringing. I hate people like that becaus if you cant even be honest with people and they think their so important that they'll dump you for telling them the truth they were never real friends to begin with but i hate anyone thinking they have power over me or thinking they are more important or better than i am because they dumped me.

    I will explain about that next time but you must decide now if you want to risk losing her as a friend if you do tell her the truth.
    My friends and anyone new i meet always tell me i send too many texts and they are too long so they cant read them all at the same time. Their a bunch of idiots because i have to explain to them all that their long because i have a lot to say.
    I hate people who only send short texts or just one text then text bye or see you later after one text because their cutting me off so i feel like i cant carry on texting. If i was busy i would text people that and say whatever it is im doing like if i was in a shop or busy doing something else and id text ill text them later or when i get home or when ive finished and not busy.

    I always explain that there are worse friends in the world who betray each or do worse things than sending long texts

    A man who lives just a couple of blocks away from me asked me out 4 years ago and just because i sent him long texts then he dumped me the next day. He rang and asked me if i was mentally ill and obviously i said no because im not but i had to explain i just have a lot to say in texts thats all. The fact i have to explain that to every person just proves what idiots they are as their not intelligent enough to work that out for themselves. But his texts are all extremely short and i found out months later when he admitted that he has mental health problems. But he couldnt get over the fact that my texts are too long so he didnt want to see me again except only as a friend. I still see him on the street and he always talks to me but he doesnt want to be friends and he only visits me once every 6 months or once a year at weird hours like 12 midnight, 1 or 2am when he is depressed and needs someone to talk to or when he has lost his keys so i let him stay the night. But i realised only recently he is only using me because he never visits me at normal times or wants to be friends and he wont even give me his new number. He clearly thinks he is better than i am but i feel sorry for him because he is depressed about his sister and other things but i would never allow anyone else to treat me like that only him.
    But i learnt that if i did meet a new man i must never send long texts or too many or it will put them off.

    He is really good looking but a total **** but because he is so good looking i do sometimes forget to ask him how his sister is because im always thinking when i look at him that he is so gorgeous that im telling myself i cant believe someone that good looking would talk to me but thats my excuse for not always asking about his sister or his mum but also because i dont want to bring it up first unless he does incase i upset him just by asking because he is very depressed about his sister who is in a wheelchair and can not move or speak properly.

    I dont know what excuse your friend has for not asking about your mum everytime but maybe she forgets to ask but also because she is a little bit selfish and self centred. I think you should just try to remember that everyone is different and all the things she does you would never do. We are all unique in our own way and she loves talking about herself all the time but you dont.
    She's just excited about life but expresses it in a different way than you do and doesnt understand all the responsibilies that you have.

    I like texting a lot but my friends dont or prefer talking on the phone
    I Used to have frends who would keep ringing non stop, it drove me nuts so best thing to do is just turn down the volume or switch it off all together when your revising. If she doesnt listen when you tell her you have to visit your mum you dont need to feel guilty about not going out with her because you already explained and your mum is a million times more important than she is so dont feel bad about how you feel. She does not want to believe you have a boyfriend because she has not seen him, she does not undestand about long distance relationships and maybe shes just a little bit jealous that you have a boyfriend so it makes her feel better to think your single too. If someone treated me like that i would give up even mentioning i had a boyfriend too but only bring it up if she wants you to to go to clubs to meet other men or if hes coming to visit.

    I never answer my door to anybody who rings or knocks because i will only do that if i know family or friends are visiting and especially with all the nutters on this planet you can never be too careful plus i owe lots of companies money and i cant afford to pay them yet so thats another reason but if your worried she will come to your home unexpectedly especially when your revising dont open the door.

    I hope your mum gets better soon and her treatment is successful.
    I will çontinue later or tomorrow about my friends reactions when i tell them the truth about themselves
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    I had this problem with my best friend. He was calling me at least 20 times a day, every day of the week. My alarm clock was my phone so I couldn't turn it off and at that time I didn't work so I didn't want to wake up early. Every day he was calling me at 7am or 8am and every day he was waking me up (even though I was wearing ear plugs I could still hear the phone ringing). Anyway, I told him to stop, he didn't. It got to the point that I got angry and I think he got the message.

    You don't have to feel guilty. You're not at their disposal. Calling someone sometimes is fine, harrassing someone is not. Don't answer her calls or tell her (nicely) to stop is what I would do.

    Good luck and I hope your mom gets better soon.
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    I've had someone do this to me. You need to have a word with her and tell her what is and isn't ok.

    Whilst you shouldn't have to do this, you do need to set boundaries with her. I have a friend who I do stuff with on a Wednesday. He did say "because I'm doing this for free, either of us is free is finish whenever" - always about 30 minutes. But I am free to text and email him for advice if I want to.

    Anyone else think she sounds lonely?
 
 
 
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