Boyfriend wants to go on holiday with female friend
I've recently been looking at going away with my boyfriend of 9 months this summer, and looked into going to Spain with him as he frequently talks about how much of a good time he had there on a water-sports trip a few years ago.
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
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Original post by Anonymous
I've recently been looking at going away with my boyfriend of 9 months this summer, and looked into going to Spain with him as he frequently talks about how much of a good time he had there on a water-sports trip a few years ago.
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
think your overreacting you two have been together quite long. We obviously cares for ya and when he says nun will happen he probably means it
Your not being paranoid. Tell him to stop being a *****
Id like to say its a trust issue, but really you dont know him well enough and he doesnt seem to have done much to reassure you. If he has limited holiday time then youd expect him to spend it with his gf rather than someone else. You should have a talk about it and see what you feel. I wouldnt bother getting jealous or doing ultimatums, but if he wants to go with her, then let him, just decide if you want to be there when he gets back. I think I would find it kind of hurtful and disloyal.
Original post by Arvin Bhambra
think your overreacting you two have been together quite long. We obviously cares for ya and when he says nun will happen he probably means it
9 months is long? How does he obviously care for her?
Haha omg how can anyone say you're overreacting?! If he's said he'd see himself in a relationship with her, probably would be sharing a room with her and she doesn't know he has a girlfriend then red flags should definitely be up!
I honestly would not stand for that at all and would tell him where to shove it saying you're paranoid, you definitely have something to be paranoid over!
I honestly would not stand for that at all and would tell him where to shove it saying you're paranoid, you definitely have something to be paranoid over!
Original post by Anonymous
I've recently been looking at going away with my boyfriend of 9 months this summer, and looked into going to Spain with him as he frequently talks about how much of a good time he had there on a water-sports trip a few years ago.
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
Personally I completely understand where you're coming from. I'd feel exactly the same especially as he'd previously wanted to be in a relationship with her.
Might just be me but I'd be worried as well especially since the girl doesn't even know he's in a relationship with you. What if she's misinterpreting their trip? Why didn't he mention it before as well?
You know him best compared to any of us here so what do you think? Has he ever done anything in the past to make you worried? If he hasn't then trust him.
You know him best compared to any of us here so what do you think? Has he ever done anything in the past to make you worried? If he hasn't then trust him.
This is pretty ridiculous. Are you certain he sees you as being in a relationship?
I mean, he's mentioned he wanted to be in a relationship with her and now he is going on a two person holiday with her? Absolutely ridiculous.
If nothing was going to happen and it was purely platonic then you would have been invited - as an after-thought at the very least.
I'd probably just dump him and let him enjoy trying his luck with the new girl. He'll likely be begging for you to have him back in a couple of months.
I mean, he's mentioned he wanted to be in a relationship with her and now he is going on a two person holiday with her? Absolutely ridiculous.
If nothing was going to happen and it was purely platonic then you would have been invited - as an after-thought at the very least.
I'd probably just dump him and let him enjoy trying his luck with the new girl. He'll likely be begging for you to have him back in a couple of months.
I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Just him and a girl in a room together in a foreign country when he has already said he would date her and she doesn't know he has you. If my boyfriend did that i would have a big problem, especially since you have never met her either. I think its less of a trust issue and more something he shouldn't do. if he really wants to go on holiday with her then he should take you thing him and have her bring a friend then you can get to know each other, he gets to see her and you can get to see her too. Also, if he spends money going away with her, will he be able to afford going with you? He's either being really inconsiderate towards your feelings or doesn't care. Talk to him more first and let him understand how you feel and the problems with it, he might just not have understood but i feel you should be careful with him if it is just him and her and there is no one else going on this trip
Let me get this straight.
Your boyfriend of nine months is planning to on a beach resort holiday to Spain with a girl he said he wanted to be in a relationship with, instead of you, his actual girlfriend? And he expects you to be okay with it? What the actual hell? What? Who would allow this? Who in their right mind would be okay with this? Who?
Sorry, really sorry to tell you this, but it's 99% likely that your boyfriend is either cheating on you or is planning to cheat on you. If he actually thinks he can fool you with this, he has to be the densest wall of bricks I have ever heard of. There's cheating, yes, but this is so blatantly obvious and horrible that I almost thought the OP was trolling us. Let me tell you something - there is no chance, I repeat, no chance that those two don't have some kind of agenda for this trip. If I were you, I would give him two choices - you either don't go; or you leave him.
I know it's painful to think about, but better to do it now then to marry the pile of dirty socks and have to go through this blatant, cringe-inducing lying for who knows how long. I'm really sorry for you.
Best of luck.
Your boyfriend of nine months is planning to on a beach resort holiday to Spain with a girl he said he wanted to be in a relationship with, instead of you, his actual girlfriend? And he expects you to be okay with it? What the actual hell? What? Who would allow this? Who in their right mind would be okay with this? Who?
Sorry, really sorry to tell you this, but it's 99% likely that your boyfriend is either cheating on you or is planning to cheat on you. If he actually thinks he can fool you with this, he has to be the densest wall of bricks I have ever heard of. There's cheating, yes, but this is so blatantly obvious and horrible that I almost thought the OP was trolling us. Let me tell you something - there is no chance, I repeat, no chance that those two don't have some kind of agenda for this trip. If I were you, I would give him two choices - you either don't go; or you leave him.
I know it's painful to think about, but better to do it now then to marry the pile of dirty socks and have to go through this blatant, cringe-inducing lying for who knows how long. I'm really sorry for you.
Best of luck.
Definitely not okay. 
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Arvin Bhambra
think your overreacting you two have been together quite long. We obviously cares for ya and when he says nun will happen he probably means it
9 months ain't a long time you would have hardly seen the full spectrum of a person in that short amount of time to truly know them. 
Original post by Anonymous
I've recently been looking at going away with my boyfriend of 9 months this summer, and looked into going to Spain with him as he frequently talks about how much of a good time he had there on a water-sports trip a few years ago.
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
I spent hours looking in to where the best places are, researched hundreds of different hotels and weighed up different benefits of the more expensive options with the cost to try and find what i thought he would most enjoy.
After i'd mentioned the idea (which in the past we have discussed), he said that he'd already been planning in the last month or so to go to Spain with a girl he met on the water-sports trip but hasn't yet booked it. He'd mentioned her in passing a few times and has met up with her once, a few months after returning from the trip. He's also said that at the time he'd hoped to get into a relationship with her.
Until I brought up going away together, he'd never mentioned his plans to go on holiday with her or asked whether i'd be okay with it, and as far as i'm aware she doesn't know he's in a relationship.
I explained that I really don't like the idea of this holiday with just the two of them and was told that i'm being too jealous and paranoid, and that there's nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why he'd rather go on holiday with someone he barely knows instead of his girlfriend, and not listen when i say i'm not okay with it.
Am I right to feel the way I do or am I overreacting? What should I do?
Alarm bells.
As a guy, I can definitely say that I would never brush my girlfriend aside to go on holiday with some other girl I wasn't even very close friends. Especially if the holiday was to the same country (seriously wtf.)
At worst I'd plan it as a group trip if it was my good friend so we could all go together. to specifically say to my partner "oh soz babe cant go to spain with you, i'm already planning on going with this other chick I used to fancy" that's just a massive red flag.
It would be more understandable if she was some long term childhood friend of his and they'd known each other for many years, in that case it would be perfectly fine. But she's literally just someone he met on holiday and already admitted he had wanted to date her when they first met. Sounds to me like he's hoping something will happen between them on the holiday as he's just keeping you as a plan B in case those plans fall through.
At worst I'd plan it as a group trip if it was my good friend so we could all go together. to specifically say to my partner "oh soz babe cant go to spain with you, i'm already planning on going with this other chick I used to fancy" that's just a massive red flag.
It would be more understandable if she was some long term childhood friend of his and they'd known each other for many years, in that case it would be perfectly fine. But she's literally just someone he met on holiday and already admitted he had wanted to date her when they first met. Sounds to me like he's hoping something will happen between them on the holiday as he's just keeping you as a plan B in case those plans fall through.
Thanks guys, it's good to know it's not just me who sees this as being suspicious.
Are you sure he just didn't want to go on another water sports trip with others that might have been on it as a reunion but she was organising it? Maybe he didn't think you'd be in to that sort of holiday? Would he not go with you too?
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