Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    There will come a time where all will cease
    Your bones will creak, derived of calcium from the stars that ended before your time
    They crashed through the system, like your life so ever did


    Clashed, yet so alike
    Full of matter, a mass of self with all the longings ever had
    Splashed, on through the unknown
    Yet now relentlessly at peace
    Those who had known will - weep - and show the sympathy never shown when
    Your heart was still beating with the anticipation of it all


    Now it beats -Against the rocks in the oceanic blue
    Keeping it moving, like the days and nights, dark to bright, where you felt so alone inside
    But now - it's fine
    The stars have bid their duty, the calcium wasn't perpetual enough
    You ceased and now you're at peace because you have served your time



    I guess feedback would be nice
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Too simple.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    interesting science poem
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by nerdling_CompSci)
    Too simple.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yes, life and death are simple.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the bear)
    interesting science poem
    Everything is science, thank you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I liked it I thought it was moving with the contrasts of life and death. I'm experimenting with creative writing, would love to get feedback.

    She gazed down at her hands. Bright pink polish on thin wiry fingers. How was she here? Progress she had been promised. How fake it all was. She saw it now. The only difference was that this time she couldn't escape. She had to sit with it: This world. The lies. The selfishness. How she was not built for it. But in a strange way she missed it. Listening earnestly. Smiling emptily. Everything that was asked of her. Nothing more nothing less. She didn't know them and they certainly didn't know her. But in their glass business rooms, their packed bars, she had played their roles in short skirts, high heels, soft lipstick. What had it given it her? Nothing. But that was the point. All the women would be pushed one day or another. What could they be used for?
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    (Original post by Historystudent12)
    I liked it I thought it was moving with the contrasts of life and death. I'm experimenting with creative writing, would love to get feedback.

    She gazed down at her hands. Bright pink polish on thin wiry fingers. How was she here? Progress she had been promised. How fake it all was. She saw it now. The only difference was that this time she couldn't escape. She had to sit with it: This world. The lies. The selfishness. How she was not built for it. But in a strange way she missed it. Listening earnestly. Smiling emptily. Everything that was asked of her. Nothing more nothing less. She didn't know them and they certainly didn't know her. But in their glass business rooms, their packed bars, she had played their roles in short skirts, high heels, soft lipstick. What had it given it her? Nothing. But that was the point. All the women would be pushed one day or another. What could they be used for?
    It's good but you do sound like Yoda at times - "progress she had been promised." 😊
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    haha thanks thats helpful
 
 
 
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?
Useful resources

Quick link:

Unanswered creative corner threads

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.