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    My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. He's 30, 7 years older than me, and hasn't had a girlfriend for the last 7 years before me. Has his own place, isn't big on family or showing affection. I have 2

    1) I think he's great and I've fallen madly in love with him. I told him this twice (both during amazing sex) and he hasn't reciprocated. Which I'm fine, because I don't want him to lie, but I'm hoping one day he will say it. He didn't get weirded out by it and afterwards he said stuff like "you are so amazing" and "you're so awesome" so I guess there's that.

    What do you think that means? That he's just not ready, or should I lose hope that he'll ever fall in love with me?

    2) There's also the fact that I'm making most of the effort to see each other, about 80% of the time. I like making plans so I'll ask to do something with him during the weekend or invite him for a drink. When I'm with him I know 100% he enjoys spending time with me. We spend 5 days together this week since we had the week off, and the last day was last minute and he chose to see me over going to the pub with some other friends..

    He finds it hilarious to wind me up so when I try to make plans later on he says "He'll think about it" and it pisses me off. He'll make a comment about us doing something in 4 months time or maybe wanting to go skiing in December, so it's not like he sees an end goal in sight. But then when I actually try to plan a holiday for us this summer, he's horrendous at actually organising and committing to something! Again with the "I'll think about it" and nothing will get sorted unless I do it but I know he'll have a bloody good time.

    What should I do!??!?!
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    Looks as though he wants to be babied. That's a sign of a relationship going rapidly downhill
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    I think you're mistaking affection and love. I understand you, since it's a common issue with a lot of people, so it's quite logical that a person like you feels this way.

    You are in love with him. You say so, and you prove so on a daily level. You initiate meetings, you plan and think about your holiday activities and you do whatever you can to assure him of your feelings. Your boyfriend however, feels affection. He feels nice when he's with you and enjoys you as an abstract idea, but not as an actual, living person. He will, by your own accord, promise big and deliver little and will sparsely be able to reciprocate your feelings. You however, due to the fact that you're in love, project nonexistent qualities onto him and hope he'll actually become like so.

    I highly doubt it will change with him. Therefore, you'll either have to accept that you're simply "a" girlfriend, but for you, he is "the" boyfriend, or you'll have to confront him and talk to him about it. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Withengar)
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    That really sounds like it could be it.

    I have a few choices, which would you recommend?

    1) Keep it going the same way, with him hopefully getting more invested in our relationship, until I can't stand it any more and then discuss this with him.

    2) Chat with him about this soon, ask him where we are going, potentially alienating him but at least I would have said it all.

    But sometime I'm going to have to say that I don't want to be in a relationship where I am making most of the effort.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That really sounds like it could be it.

    I have a few choices, which would you recommend?

    1) Keep it going the same way, with him hopefully getting more invested in our relationship, until I can't stand it any more and then discuss this with him.

    2) Chat with him about this soon, ask him where we are going, potentially alienating him but at least I would have said it all.

    But sometime I'm going to have to say that I don't want to be in a relationship where I am making most of the effort.
    If you do keep this relationship going, you could possibly be wasting your time.

    Instead of coming on TSR and giving in to speculations, you need to talk to him. You need to find out how he feels honestly and make sure the conversation is as blunt as possible. Then you'll know what to do with the relationship.
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    My experience of this is that non-committing from him means just that. He doesn't want anything heavy. It's fun for him by the sounds of it and whilst he clearly likes spending time with you it doesn't sound like he's thinking of anything else at the moment.

    Men are not complicated people generally. When you say "what would you read into that?" generally there is nothing at all to read into it. Us females can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months even, agonising over inferred reasons into the behaviour of our current beau but seriously - do you think they spend that long doing the same with us? No. Just bear that in mind whilst you consider your current situation.

    If it were me I would find more things to do that don't involve your bf, be cool for a while and see if it sparks his interest. A relationship is a two way thing and when one person is doing all the work, it's not really a relationship.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Bizzyqueen)
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    Thanks for the advice! I agree with what you said, it all sounds so reasonable when other people look at the situation. I think that I'll give it until Friday (when I'm meant to be coming round) to see if he puts in any effort into texting me or trying to meet up with me. If he does, it means he's at least listening to what I have to say and there's a chance. Otherwise I'll sit him down and talk with him about it.

    Could you give me advice on what to say to him?
    (Original post by HikaSenpai)
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    A conversation is definitely in order soon, I agree. Could you help me make sense of what I mean or the best way to phrase it?I don't want to ask if there is a future because I have no idea about that and that's too intense, I just want to know how serious he sees us. If it's just a bit of fun or if there is any potential any time in the future for things to progress or go anywhere.

    If he says it's just fun and he won't want it to get any more serious than this, I'll have my answer.If he says that there is potential for things to happen, I would have to say that if he does want something, he will need to put in more effort and we can have a conversation about what is important to us in a relationship and see if we can find some sort of compromise.
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    To be frank I wouldn't be giving any thought about what to say to him. Seven months is no time at all when getting to know someone and if he is 30, no long term relationships to speak of for seven years with his own place then that guy aint settling down anytime soon.

    Also please remember there are THOUSANDS of single men in the UK. If you want that real zingy, passionate feeling with a man, where you don't have to chase constantly, then get out there and start meeting them. You are not restricted to one!
 
 
 
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