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Does having oral sex with someone make them your sexual partner? watch

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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    So anything other than intercourse isn't a sexual act?

    I'm surprised how many people don't understand the meaning of this question, it's used a lot in surveys and medical questionnaires
    No, I just wouldn't count them as being a sexual partner, to me sexual partner implies a partner whom you have sex with....

    Is it used in a lot of surveys, I've never personally be asked and I can't think why anyone would need to know. A more accurate question would be how many people have you had sexual contact with....
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    Its in the name: oral SEX
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    Why would you take even the slimmest of opportunities to readily announce the number of people you've had sex with to the whole internet? :rolleyes:
    It could be worse she could be announcing that she's given head to 70 "sexual" partners.
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    Are we talking about a relationship/situation where you've given AND received.?

    To be honest, if you've only given oral sex and not received then I don't think the term "partner" is correct.

    If the girl just gives but is not comfortable receiving, it smacks of submission and is as if the girl is so desperate to seek validation from the guy, that she'll do anything even if she doesn't get much physical pleasure out of it.
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    (Original post by Sticky)
    Are we talking about a relationship/situation where you've given AND received.?

    To be honest, if you've only given oral sex and not received then I don't think the term "partner" is correct.

    If the girl just gives but is not comfortable receiving, it smacks of submission and is as if the girl is so desperate to seek validation from the guy, that she'll do anything even if she doesn't get much physical pleasure out of it.
    points to note here:
    • Some girls enjoy giving oral and it gives them pleasure
    • Just cause someone doesn't enjoy recieving oral doesn't make them submisisve or mean they are a weaker personality than the guy
    • Partner is someone you do something with together, takes 2 to tango if you get my drift


    if you do any sexual act with someone then they can be considered to be your sexual partner
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    Someone is clearly in favour of that kind of arrangement then :rolleyes:

    I'd totally agree with you if I'd come across that many girls who really don't like receiving oral sex. Yes, there are girls who are not comfortable with that level of intimacy and have yet to be with a guy that makes them comfortable (i.e. a serious relationship).

    I totally disagree with the concept of a girl giving head but not wanting to receive oral sex (nor have sex) because it's too intimate and it makes her uncomfortable. It's contradictory: if a girl finds it too intimate to receive oral sex, she should ask herself how the guy sees the act of receiving. From his viewpoint the act will be intimate.

    It's not just how the girl perceives the act from her viewpoint, that defines the intimacy of the act. It's intimate from an overall perspective.

    Indeed, it takes two to tango and to only see an act from only one viewpoint i.e. your own, is not "sharing" an experience. It's contradictory to say that receiving is intimate and giving is not, as it simply breaks the whole act into two perspectives, when sharing is not about that. In that case, it's simply a
    "sexual favour".
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    what kind of arrangement? my last gf didn't like giving oral so we didn't do that, didn't stop me from giving it to her though. so if you're trying to imply i'm selfish when it comes to sexual aspects of a relationship you're certainly wrong there.

    yeah but girls and guys can approach it in different ways. a guy could just see getting head as a pleasurable experience while the girl would need to totally trust someone before she let them perfrom oral on her. though not everyone you meet is going to enjoy oral so lets not make such sweeping statements.

    not necessarilly. it's possible one partner doesn't enjoy giving but does it to please the other and therefore it wouldn't be intimate for the giver but would be for the reciever. vice versa is also applicable. does recieving a "sexual favour" from someone on a regular basis not make them a sexual partner? you would both have to be involved in the act or it would be counted as sexual assualt surely
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    That's where I think you're wrong. Intimacy doesn't depend on enjoying something or having feelings or anything like that. It's about letting someone close to you physically (and emotionally).



    Anyway, I was only talking about girls who will give it but won't receive it because it's too intimate. A girl's intimate parts are just as intimate as a guy's intimate parts. It's just that in our society, oral sex on a guy is banalised, it's a standard thing that's depicted in popular media everywhere, whereas oral sex on a girl is still pretty secretive.

    A guy could see it as just a pleasurable experience but still that doesn't change anything about the intimacy of it all.
    If a guy didn't find it intimate, he wouldn't enjoy the "idea" of it (as opposed to simply the physical aspect of it, which most experts believe isn't really the attraction of oral sex for guys).

    So that's what I'm talking about, both acts are just as intimate in a general sense. If a girl simply wants to give it because it's not as intimate, she's no longer taking into account the viewpoint of the guy. It becomes a depersonified sexual favour.

    If a girl receives it and is comfortable with it, then there's much more of a balance. Also, in my opinion, not being able to enjoy receiving it (assuming that they will enjoy it at a larger age, which most girls do), is a sign of incomplete sexual maturity ( because the girl has only had superficial, casual sexual encounters with guys she wasn't totally comfortable with) which just strengthens the idea that it's a submissive sexual favour.

    I'm trying to step away from my typical male view. Of course, I'm hardly going to be the kind of guy who pushes a girl away because she doesn't want to receive it :rolleyes:
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    Yes I'd say so. If the doctor asked you how many sexual partners you'd had for some reason I think they'd mean oral as well as penetrative.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    Yes I'd say so. If the doctor asked you how many sexual partners you'd had for some reason I think they'd mean oral as well as penetrative.
    I'll find out in a few months when I do my GUM attachment...

    Personally, in a non-medical sense, I don't think that people you've not have penetrative sex with count as sexual partners, especially if it was only a one-off (regular "fooling around" arrangements could be considered differently). But there's as many holes in that belief as there are in all the others.
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    oh what a ledge! "many holes" when talking about sex! sorry, im a bit immature tonight...
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    I wouldn't count them, but usually the ppl i have oral sex with i've had sex with aswell so i don't really have that problem.
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    (Original post by Sticky)
    That's where I think you're wrong. Intimacy doesn't depend on enjoying something or having feelings or anything like that. It's about letting someone close to you physically (and emotionally).



    Anyway, I was only talking about girls who will give it but won't receive it because it's too intimate. A girl's intimate parts are just as intimate as a guy's intimate parts. It's just that in our society, oral sex on a guy is banalised, it's a standard thing that's depicted in popular media everywhere, whereas oral sex on a girl is still pretty secretive.
    A guy could see it as just a pleasurable experience but still that doesn't change anything about the intimacy of it all.
    If a guy didn't find it intimate, he wouldn't enjoy the "idea" of it (as opposed to simply the physical aspect of it, which most experts believe isn't really the attraction of oral sex for guys).

    So that's what I'm talking about, both acts are just as intimate in a general sense. If a girl simply wants to give it because it's not as intimate, she's no longer taking into account the viewpoint of the guy. It becomes a depersonified sexual favour.

    If a girl receives it and is comfortable with it, then there's much more of a balance. Also, in my opinion, not being able to enjoy receiving it (assuming that they will enjoy it at a larger age, which most girls do), is a sign of incomplete sexual maturity ( because the girl has only had superficial, casual sexual encounters with guys she wasn't totally comfortable with) which just strengthens the idea that it's a submissive sexual favour.

    I'm trying to step away from my typical male view. Of course, I'm hardly going to be the kind of guy who pushes a girl away because she doesn't want to receive it :rolleyes:
    i can't be bothered arguing with you but you make a good point there.
    the only time i've ever seen oral on a girl was in American Pie (maybe i don't watch enough films) but seems like almost any film you see, especially comedies, a guy will be getting head. why it more acceptable on guys than it is on girls? it happens to both in relationships and both probably enjoy it just as much so why the big cover up in popular media?
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    SmilerNuts, I reckon it's a lot to do with our society, especially American-influenced culture (I know places where most girls consider oral sex WAY more intimate than sex). In my opinion, when girls don't feel bothered about giving but think that receiving would be too "intimate", they've badly measured the intimacy of the act. It's just so standard, and many girls now even think it's something you're "supposed to do" (unlike receiving) that they don't even get round to questionning if it's too intimate.

    I know it's a bit of a disgusting comparison but a child molester could easily convince a kid to do an act that they will become comfortable with but only because they don't understand the situation and don't assess the intimacy of it. There's no "sharing" of the intimacy at all and in my opinion, that's what happens when a girl gives oral sex and believes that receiving is too intimate.

    A girl could be thinking "I'm not such a slut because I'm not having sex with this guy I'm JUST giving head" and the guy could be thinking the total opposite, simply because the act is not shared: it's a sexual favour seen totally differently by the two participants.

    (Original post by Helenia)
    I'll find out in a few months when I do my GUM attachment...

    Personally, in a non-medical sense, I don't think that people you've not have penetrative sex with count as sexual partners, especially if it was only a one-off (regular "fooling around" arrangements could be considered differently). But there's as many holes in that belief as there are in all the others.
    I think that in GUM clinics the number of people you have oral sex with mattered more in the past when there was a lot more scare around transmitting STIs through oral sex. Although you can still catch a bunch of disgusting things through oral sex, they now seem to play down the risk of HIV and the more serious STIs.
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    (Original post by Sticky)
    I think that in GUM clinics the number of people you have oral sex with mattered more in the past when there was a lot more scare around transmitting STIs through oral sex. Although you can still catch a bunch of disgusting things through oral sex, they now seem to play down the risk of HIV and the more serious STIs.
    Yep indeed. Though I'll find out what we have to ask about and what they mean by it all. Apparently the sexual history communication skills session is quite entertaining...
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    (Original post by Sticky)
    SmilerNuts, I reckon it's a lot to do with our society, especially American-influenced culture (I know places where most girls consider oral sex WAY more intimate than sex). In my opinion, when girls don't feel bothered about giving but think that receiving would be too "intimate", they've badly measured the intimacy of the act. It's just so standard, and many girls now even think it's something you're "supposed to do" (unlike receiving) that they don't even get round to questionning if it's too intimate.

    I know it's a bit of a disgusting comparison but a child molester could easily convince a kid to do an act that they will become comfortable with but only because they don't understand the situation and don't assess the intimacy of it. There's no "sharing" of the intimacy at all and in my opinion, that's what happens when a girl gives oral sex and believes that receiving is too intimate.

    A girl could be thinking "I'm not such a slut because I'm not having sex with this guy I'm JUST giving head" and the guy could be thinking the total opposite, simply because the act is not shared: it's a sexual favour seen totally differently by the two participants.
    yeah, many of my male compadres tend to boast about how girls are willing to give head cause it seems like "what they are meant to do" and when you ask them what they did for the girl in return they just laugha dn look at you like you're an idiot. It's a sad state of affairs and they really don't deserve to be getting head if they don't respect the girls in the first place.

    how can oral be more intimate than sex? . True, most of the time you hear girls are more likely to have sex after a few dates than they are to recieve oral but to me, sex is at least on par with oral for intimacy, if not even more so 'cause it's like the "ultimate".

    True, your comparison was disgusting ut it was a fair point to make and well within the theme of discussion. But surely that's only because the kid has less understanding of intimacy than someone who has passed puberty and is having more "normal" sexual experiences. The child just hasn't developed enough to know any better whereas the post-pubescent girl is just being naive in her interpretation of the situation.

    I guess there's not a whole lot we can do about what society thinks but i'll just keep on treating women with the respect they deserve and hoep more of them snap out of their bubble worlds about the intimacy of giving and recieving oral
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    I don't see how oral sex doesn't lead to penetrative sex to be honest. I've got a sneaking feeling the OP didn't let it lead any further is so she doesn't want to add an extra notch to the bed post, but it's delusional really. You might as well get the satisfaction of having sex and just accept you're a little bit easy.

    Interestingly, I seem to recall reading that in Japan, oral sex isn't counted as sex and so a prostitute can legally give blowjobs (which I guess makes her not a prostitute :P).
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    Just cause someone gives you head you expect that to automatically lead to full sex? Maybe the other person wasn't ready or whatever and oral is as far as they want it to go, you just have to accept and respect that don't you.

    Yeah but surely they have a law of indecent exposure in Japan? :p:
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    (Original post by SmilerNuts)
    Just cause someone gives you head you expect that to automatically lead to full sex? Maybe the other person wasn't ready or whatever and oral is as far as they want it to go, you just have to accept and respect that don't you.

    Yeah but surely they have a law of indecent exposure in Japan? :p:
    lolol

    On the other point, it's not so much I expect sex, but more that I wouldn't feel comfortable giving/receiving oral sex if that was the sole intention. Kind of like they didn't want to "count me" or something. I can understand your point though if I was in a relationship with someone, and we were building up to having sex. Although for me, I've always found that having sex is the earlier of the two.
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    Look, if you don't count it, then many lesbians have no sexual partners.
    So dude, it counts.
 
 
 
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