Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Please help - uni/relationship dilemma watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You've all been really helpful and full of great advice before, so I'm counting on you guys now 'cause I'm in a real pickle Sorry it's so long, I'll try to keep it concise:


    1. Did three years at college - met fella and started seeing him in our final year.

    2. Went to uni in London, man went to Edinburgh (Napier), broke up with fella for a bit.

    3. Got back with fella in January.

    4. Quit uni in London in March, came back to Manchester.

    5. Worked at home March-September, broke up with fella April (he couldn't do long distance) went travelling June/July with him, saw him every other weekend otherwise.

    6. Applied/got a place at Heriot-Watt (Edinburgh). Went up in October. Moved in with randoms and started uni.

    7. Got back with fella in December (after him seeing someone else he realised he really liked me, he has a short attention span, see). Moved into fella's flat in March due to depression and bad flatmates.

    8. Fella gets pissed off; can't stand idea of commitment (understandable).

    9. I fail uni year; man tells me I should go home, at least for the summer, or move out (which I can't afford, and it basically means he's bored of me again). I decide to take a year out to sort myself out.

    10. Plan for forthcoming year: work, do Philosophy/English Lang AS plus Classical Civilisation A2 to finish the AS I did; take teaching English placements in Latin America and intensive course in Portuguese in Lisbon; apply to different unis just in case as I think H-W is pretty poor, possibly take two years out, second year work in Edinburgh/take teaching placement for 6 months in Brazil.

    11. Fella discloses he can't see a future for us, we argue.

    12. I dump him; he gets upset and says he loves me but he doesn't want to commit (well neither do I as such). I can't bring myself to think of not being with him for the forseeable future, he can't bring himself to think of being with me for the forseeable future.

    13. I don't see the point of trying to get into Edinburgh Uni/return to H-W/go back to Edinburgh if there's a strong possibility of us breaking up not long after.

    14. But I love him, and I think personal relationships are more important than money or careers.

    15. Hence the pickle! :confused:

    What the hell am I gonna do?!? I want to go back and be with him but if it's all gonna be over in a year then I may as well apply to Manchester/Salford/Leeds and be done with it. But it might not, he says he wants to be with me for a long time (his long time and my long time are very different!). When I first came to Edinburgh we weren't together and he didn't even realy like me, we're a very on-off couple, if I give him his space everything's fine, so he might change his mind ......

    I'd also really appreciate anyone with less than helpful comments to keep their tuppences to themselves. I don't need daft 17 year-olds chipping in with their 'wussy woman' rubbish when their only ideas about women are gleaned from porn movies.

    Many thanks in advance!

    Chi x

    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chiaki)
    You've all been really helpful and full of great advice before, so I'm counting on you guys now 'cause I'm in a real pickle Sorry it's so long, I'll try to keep it concise:


    1. Did three years at college - met fella and started seeing him in our final year.

    2. Went to uni in London, man went to Edinburgh (Napier), broke up with fella for a bit.

    3. Got back with fella in January.

    4. Quit uni in London in March, came back to Manchester.

    5. Worked at home March-September, broke up with fella April (he couldn't do long distance) went travelling June/July with him, saw him every other weekend otherwise.

    6. Applied/got a place at Heriot-Watt (Edinburgh). Went up in October. Moved in with randoms and started uni.

    7. Got back with fella in December (after him seeing someone else he realised he really liked me, he has a short attention span, see). Moved into fella's flat in March due to depression and bad flatmates.

    8. Fella gets pissed off; can't stand idea of commitment (understandable).

    9. I fail uni year; man tells me I should go home, at least for the summer, or move out (which I can't afford, and it basically means he's bored of me again). I decide to take a year out to sort myself out.

    10. Plan for forthcoming year: work, do Philosophy/English Lang AS plus Classical Civilisation A2 to finish the AS I did; take teaching English placements in Latin America and intensive course in Portuguese in Lisbon; apply to different unis just in case as I think H-W is pretty poor, possibly take two years out, second year work in Edinburgh/take teaching placement for 6 months in Brazil.

    11. Fella discloses he can't see a future for us, we argue.

    12. I dump him; he gets upset and says he loves me but he doesn't want to commit (well neither do I as such). I can't bring myself to think of not being with him for the forseeable future, he can't bring himself to think of being with me for the forseeable future.

    13. I don't see the point of trying to get into Edinburgh Uni/return to H-W/go back to Edinburgh if there's a strong possibility of us breaking up not long after.

    14. But I love him, and I think personal relationships are more important than money or careers.

    15. Hence the pickle! :confused:

    What the hell am I gonna do?!? I want to go back and be with him but if it's all gonna be over in a year then I may as well apply to Manchester/Salford/Leeds and be done with it. But it might not, he says he wants to be with me for a long time (his long time and my long time are very different!). When I first came to Edinburgh we weren't together and he didn't even realy like me, we're a very on-off couple, if I give him his space everything's fine, so he might change his mind ......

    I'd also really appreciate anyone with less than helpful comments to keep their tuppences to themselves. I don't need daft 17 year-olds chipping in with their 'wussy woman' rubbish when their only ideas about women are gleaned from porn movies.

    Many thanks in advance!

    Chi x

    With number 14 havent you answered some of your question?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    No, 'cause I won't love him after we've broken up! (well I will, but I'll hate him too, I'll be in Edinburgh for no real reason and with very few friends for support, and I'll get all depressed again )
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    hi, personal relationships are more important, but i think only if they make you happy. plus, career/education etc isn't just some bland thing you do for cash, it's (can't believe i'm saying this, but you know what i mean) personal development...it's your ticket to freedom and choice, and independence ultimately...imagine getting below-par degree or even not getting one, then the rship goes wrong and you end up blaming him/yourself, but in any case, you're worse off. to be brutal, this guy doesn't sound like a grownup, and you don't actually sound totally convinced of his calibre...surely not enough to divert your education plans for him? plus, can it really work longterm when you say you've got fed-up of each other, he's seen other people, you've had long breaks...you say it yourself, he's bored or fed-up...well boohoo. i'd leave him to stew and get out, do your own thing, get rid!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    A relationship goes two ways, like a bank. What is the point of putting your money in the bank if it isn't going to come back. Or if the bank decides that you are not a good customer so it will terminate your relationship and it needs to keep your money for its suffering. (You get the general idea)

    I would say that this guy is very self centered and will only deem you acceptable until he graduates and then he will move on and have a fling with his secretary if he has one .

    If I was someone like Dr. Phil I would tell you that you are emotionally attached to him because you view him as a security blanket or such. He is your constant that you can go back to when you have a need.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by moncal)
    A relationship goes two ways, like a bank. What is the point of putting your money in the bank if it isn't going to come back. Or if the bank decides that you are not a good customer so it will terminate your relationship and it needs to keep your money for its suffering. (You get the general idea)

    I would say that this guy is very self centered and will only deem you acceptable until he graduates and then he will move on and have a fling with his secretary if he has one .

    If I was someone like Dr. Phil I would tell you that you are emotionally attached to him because you view him as a security blanket or such. He is your constant that you can go back to when you have a need.
    so in other words, ditch him, go for his best friend, then go back with him?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by moncal)
    A relationship goes two ways, like a bank. What is the point of putting your money in the bank if it isn't going to come back. Or if the bank decides that you are not a good customer so it will terminate your relationship and it needs to keep your money for its suffering. (You get the general idea)

    I would say that this guy is very self centered and will only deem you acceptable until he graduates and then he will move on and have a fling with his secretary if he has one .

    If I was someone like Dr. Phil I would tell you that you are emotionally attached to him because you view him as a security blanket or such. He is your constant that you can go back to when you have a need.

    That is so incredibly insightful it's unbelievable :eek: esp. about 'til when he graduates and the security blanket thing - he's the only thing left of my 'normal' life before I got depressed Ok, how do I get away with as much (figurative) money as I can salvage? How do you get out with out leaving a pice of yourself behind?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    And I tried getting off with his flatmate to make him jealous several times, but his flatmate wouldn't get involved (clever him) and my fella wasn't bothered!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chiaki)
    You've all been really helpful and full of great advice before, so I'm counting on you guys now 'cause I'm in a real pickle Sorry it's so long, I'll try to keep it concise:


    1. Did three years at college - met fella and started seeing him in our final year.

    2. Went to uni in London, man went to Edinburgh (Napier), broke up with fella for a bit.

    3. Got back with fella in January.

    4. Quit uni in London in March, came back to Manchester.

    5. Worked at home March-September, broke up with fella April (he couldn't do long distance) went travelling June/July with him, saw him every other weekend otherwise.

    6. Applied/got a place at Heriot-Watt (Edinburgh). Went up in October. Moved in with randoms and started uni.

    7. Got back with fella in December (after him seeing someone else he realised he really liked me, he has a short attention span, see). Moved into fella's flat in March due to depression and bad flatmates.

    8. Fella gets pissed off; can't stand idea of commitment (understandable).

    9. I fail uni year; man tells me I should go home, at least for the summer, or move out (which I can't afford, and it basically means he's bored of me again). I decide to take a year out to sort myself out.

    10. Plan for forthcoming year: work, do Philosophy/English Lang AS plus Classical Civilisation A2 to finish the AS I did; take teaching English placements in Latin America and intensive course in Portuguese in Lisbon; apply to different unis just in case as I think H-W is pretty poor, possibly take two years out, second year work in Edinburgh/take teaching placement for 6 months in Brazil.

    11. Fella discloses he can't see a future for us, we argue.

    12. I dump him; he gets upset and says he loves me but he doesn't want to commit (well neither do I as such). I can't bring myself to think of not being with him for the forseeable future, he can't bring himself to think of being with me for the forseeable future.

    13. I don't see the point of trying to get into Edinburgh Uni/return to H-W/go back to Edinburgh if there's a strong possibility of us breaking up not long after.

    14. But I love him, and I think personal relationships are more important than money or careers.

    15. Hence the pickle! :confused:

    What the hell am I gonna do?!? I want to go back and be with him but if it's all gonna be over in a year then I may as well apply to Manchester/Salford/Leeds and be done with it. But it might not, he says he wants to be with me for a long time (his long time and my long time are very different!). When I first came to Edinburgh we weren't together and he didn't even realy like me, we're a very on-off couple, if I give him his space everything's fine, so he might change his mind ......

    I'd also really appreciate anyone with less than helpful comments to keep their tuppences to themselves. I don't need daft 17 year-olds chipping in with their 'wussy woman' rubbish when their only ideas about women are gleaned from porn movies.

    Many thanks in advance!

    Chi x

    I'm 18 and my tuppence is something has to change for both of you if this relationship is going to work. Your wants and needs have to be compatible, and judging from your past record together, that's not what's been happening. If it carries on like you say, there's no point resurrecting a doomed love.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Knight-Errant)
    I'm 18 and my tuppence is something has to change for both of you if this relationship is going to work. Your wants and needs have to be compatible, and judging from your past record together, that's not what's been happening. If it carries on like you say, there's no point resurrecting a doomed love.
    How right you are It's just very hard to leave - when it's good it's fantastic and when it's bad it's awful I guess I just need convincing to leave him or he needs to make a commitment (do we think this is very likely to happen? Nah, lol )
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chiaki)
    And I tried getting off with his flatmate to make him jealous several times, but his flatmate wouldn't get involved (clever him) and my fella wasn't bothered!
    Since I'm being Dr. Phil today, that is the worst thing you could do. If you had hit it off then you would eventually start feeling guilty about trying to hurt him.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry if it hurt but that's what'll happen. What's worse is when you don't tell someone how you feel and then they're gone... I think the only way you can move on is if you realise how bad the relationship will be for you, just in and out of 'love' and up and down the emotional rollercoaster. If you move on, you at least have some control and idea of what's happening. Good luck anyways.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chiaki)
    How right you are It's just very hard to leave - when it's good it's fantastic and when it's bad it's awful I guess I just need convincing to leave him or he needs to make a commitment (do we think this is very likely to happen? Nah, lol )
    It is going to be that way until you stand up to yourself. You have got to make the decision to change or it is going to drag you down. It is all your fault you bad bad person. Or so Dr. Phil would say. Everyone who goes on his show it is always their fault and they are a bad person.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I thought Dr Phil was the man out of the Thin Blue Line, but it turns out he's not. They do look like twins, except Phil has a malformed head.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am a bad bad person lol you're all so so right. I reckon I'll spend half of the next year in Edinburgh to get him out of my system then go to Manchester Uni with it's fabulous Spanish and Portuguese course like I should have done three years ago hehe I just hate breaking up with people, you know? This will be my second major break-up on account of university and I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me why can't I keep a relationship dammit!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Knight-Errant)
    I thought Dr Phil was the man out of the Thin Blue Line, but it turns out he's not. They do look like twins, except Phil has a malformed head.
    Dr Phil was Oprah's shrink and then she started giving him weekly appearances on her show. Then he got more popular than she is and he got his own show. Now he has several books.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    What did Oprah need a shrink for? Dr Phil is so rubbish, he talks really slow, almost slurs and what he has to say is BS. John Walsh is much better, the shows are interesting and I have a lot of respect for that guy.

    Chikai: Maybe Uni is the problem and not you, like the pressure of uni or the strain. If the common factor in your major breakups is uni then maybe you should look at that area and see how you can change it (without jeaporidsing your uni results or achievements, of course.)
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    oprah needs a shrink, she is evil. She takes away wives during the day and fills them full of rubish while thier husbands work and come home to hear the wives *****.

    anyone watch the man show?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah, I was gonna circumvent that one this time by living at home (hence Manchester Uni) instead so there'd be less pressure. I broke up with my first boyf of two and a half years as I was going to London, and I hadn't fancied him for ages either, so it wasn't to do with uni itself at the time, just the fact that in the circumstances the relationship was untenable. With this one, it's been circumstances partly out of my control - being depressed after being in London and not realising what the problem was until last December, having already gone to uni when I wasn't cut out for it ..... if I'd taken a year out (like I wanted me to and my parents didn't) then I probably would have made a less hasty decision
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by canuck)
    oprah needs a shrink, she is evil. She takes away wives during the day and fills them full of rubish while thier husbands work and come home to hear the wives *****.

    anyone watch the man show?
    No, I don't think they have it in the UK but I've seen the Manpon one on Tarrant, that is some funny ****! And one with a special cream or something. Anyway, good luck Chikai!
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 7, 2004
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.