Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey, to cut a long story short I learnt that an ex of mine (we were together for two years, but have been apart for three and haven't spoken or seen each other since we broke up) passed away last week from cancer.
    I was the last boyfriend she had and I kind of feel a duty to go to her funeral. There's been an open invite in the local paper to all her friends/people that knew her. It's a really tricky situation and I want to do the respectful thing.
    My current girlfriend has told me to do whatever feels right, but I'm not sure what that is! Although I'm deeply saddened by her death, I've moved on with my life and like I said it's been many years since we last spoke. But she'll always hold a small piece of my heart (she was my first proper girlfriend).

    This is a really hard situation and I want to be as respectful as possible! What would you do??
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If she holds a small piece of your heart, I would go. You aren't doing anything wrong by going. By the same token, if you're not entirely comfortable with the idea, it's okay not to go - do whatever feels right, because neither option is disrespectful.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Ah, sorry, your girlfriend gave you the same advice. What I should have said is, there is no right thing to do!
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Yes definitely!! Sad to hear of the death :/
    It's great of your girlfriend to be so open and nice. Yeah that's understandable, your first love is so memorable imo. I think you should as you knew her well but your choice obviously. What makes you doubtful? Also consider would you want her to go to yours?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If you want to say goodbye and think that going to her funeral will help you with this process, then there would be no harm in going. Or you could say goodbye some other way. Whatever you decide, I'm sorry you've lost someone important to you.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    Many years has passed? 3?
    Go if you want and not if you dont want.
    What would her parents think?
    Would she want you there?
    You parted on good terms or not?

    Did you know she had cancer?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Yes.
    Offline

    20
    I would go to my ex's funeral, if she died. We meant that much to each other once, and we broke up because it wasn't working, not because we decided we hated each other.
    • #2
    #2

    Well you should think the reasons you guys broke up . was it sth bad ? is her family and friend cool with you being there or not? If you two broke up with mutual understanding and her loved ones wont mind you being around then you should go .Also you current girlfriend doesnt not mind so i dont think there is any problem . besides you are paying someone who was once close to you , your final respects and prayers , which is a very thoughtful deed towards the deceased . anyways its just my opinion the choice is ultimately yours .
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    In answer to the thread title; personally, no I wouldn't.

    In your case, I say go. It doesn't appear as if there can be any harm done by going, aside the emotions that you will no doubt experience. You shared part of your lives together, so it's only natural you'd want to say your last goodbyes.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    she'll always hold a small piece of my heart (she was my first proper girlfriend).
    Unless you parted on terms so acrimonious as to nullify any hope of even a platonic reconciliation, the fact that you're even posting this guarantees that your regret over not going would far outweigh any temporary awkwardness which is, frankly, all you stand to suffer otherwise.

    Indeed, while I've possibly only one ex whose funeral I'd legitimately go out of my way to attend, I struggle to think of any such event I'd actively snub if invited. Go.
    Offline

    20
    (Original post by Profesh)
    Unless you parted on terms so acrimonious as to nullify any hope of even a platonic reconciliation, the fact that you're even posting this guarantees that your regret over not going would far outweigh any temporary awkwardness which is, frankly, all you stand to suffer otherwise.

    Indeed, while I've possibly only one ex whose funeral I'd legitimately go out of my way to attend, I struggle to think of any such event I'd actively snub if invited. Go.
    Totally.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I think u should go as she holds that special piece of your heart , so u should attend the funeral . I understand why it's hard to decide but I think you should go as she would like that and even tho she isn't here now - you and her had a nice time with her and she was your first like proper girlfriend so , to pay respect and to send her farewell I think you should attend
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 6, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.